Baby shower for 3rd baby?

cottenjen

Hello all! I'm 30, and have a 7 year old and 4 year old. I thought we were done with babies, so I gave everything away... I mean everything. Then, surprise! Found out we are pregnant! Due beginning of July. My friend sees how freaked I am about not having anything, and suggested another shower. We had one for our daughter 8 years ago, but not for our 4 year old son. Would it be inappropriate and tacky to register and have another shower? Thanks!

slweaver0626

While you can register (because then you will get a discount on all the stuff unpurchased) - throwing yourself or asking for a shower is tacky.

I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.

kimberlygo

I don't think it is tacky to have a registry and point people in the direction of it if they ask to give you something, but I probably wouldn't do another shower.

draeray

I am a firm believer in you get 1 baby shower if someone offers to throw you one but not 2 or 3. My cousin was in a similar situation where her first child was 10 then the 2nd one came and she had another shower because of the age difference between the two of them. She even had a 3rd child last month and had yet another shower for that baby. I did get a gift for that baby before I found out there was another shower, but I did not attend the shower.

I think if someone wants to give you a gift out of the kindness of their own heart, you can tell them what you need but throwing another shower seems gift grabby to me.

catahoulatte

I know plenty of people who wouldn't think twice about it, but I err on the side of "it's tacky". I understand you gave it all away, and it's sweet that friends want to help you out, but I'd decline an actual shower. People who wish to give you things, like close friends and family, probably still will do so.

Chasity08

This is my belief: shower on first baby OK, shower on 2nd baby OK if of a different gender OR if its been a substantial time between the kids. But etiquette can differ between different places and people. I live in the Midwest and etiquette isn't taken as seriously.

With all that being said, its of course never OK to throw your own shower or ask for a shower to be thrown. But its been 7 years since I had my daughter and my Mom and aunts want to throw me a shower so I will be having one. They don't consider it bad etiquette because its been so long. But that's just us. I know other people have different opinions and I would understand if people of that opinion chose to opt out of my shower, and that wouldn't hurt my feelings.

babycarb

cookiesandwine said:

There are pretty differing opinions on showers for subsequent showers since technically a shower is to welcome the woman into motherhood. If someone is offering to throw you one, I don't see the harm. I'd just keep your guest list small and the event low key. That said, I wouldn't expect to get large items though (swing, bouncer, pack'n'play, etc) since these people have likely purchased all these things for you already. Don't have the shower with the sole expectation of getting tons of gifts. There are a lot of consignment shops and local facebook for sale groups where you can get these items at a good price. 

All of this. I totally agree. Definitely go consignment...and you'd be surprised to see what kind of results you get if you posted a question for friends on facebook. "Anyone want to get rid of their bouncer or swing for $100?" 

cottenjen

I would never think of throwing it myself. My friend said she would. She even called it a sprinkle, which I had to look up, lol. I too am from the Midwest.I haven't told anyone else about our pregnancy yet. The first shower was almost all family. I have a lot of new friendships since then, and have been to all of their wedding showers, bachlorette parties, baby showers, weddings. I have a ways to go before baby gets here, so I was just seeing people's opinions before the subject gets brought up by my friend again. I wasn't too keen on the idea myself. Thanks!

Knottie00775368

I think the correct term for a shower after you've already had one is called a "sprinkle." People who are offended won't come b but those who care and understand will. I say go for a sprinkle.

GraceWordie

I don't think it is tacky at all and know plenty of people who have had a few showers. As others suggested I would keep it small and register for things you really need also they usually refer to second or third showers as a "sprinkle" so it makes it seem like you're asking for less and they should just sprinkle you not shower you with gifts. I think it's cute. I was dead set on never having another baby after my daughter was born and got rid of mostly everything as well and my friends would like to throw me a shower this time again and I have no reservations about it. If people think it's tacky or whatever well they don't have to come but I bet your close friends and family will gladly come and help you out without thinking twice. Also any big things you don't receive you could probably find second hand for a great deal!

Edited to add: the fact it's been so long since your shower I wouldn't even worry about It especially if someone is throwing it for you

Chasity08

cookiesandwine said:

There are pretty differing opinions on showers for subsequent showers since technically a shower is to welcome the woman into motherhood. If someone is offering to throw you one, I don't see the harm. I'd just keep your guest list small and the event low key. That said, I wouldn't expect to get large items though (swing, bouncer, pack'n'play, etc) since these people have likely purchased all these things for you already. Don't have the shower with the sole expectation of getting tons of gifts. There are a lot of consignment shops and local facebook for sale groups where you can get these items at a good price. 

And I think this may be where the difference comes in because in our family we don't do baby showers to "welcome in to motherhood" we do them to "shower the baby with love." But again, that's just my family. I have a huge family and we love every excuse to get together. It's not all about gifts though. Of course there is gift giving, but we do potlucks and rent a hall and get together and play fun games, and we do this for practically every pregnancy in the family. There generally arent really guests outside of the family though, so perhaps that's why no one had ever thought anything of it.

But I say if your family wants to shower you with love then let them. But again, just my opinion.

mmsullivan2

We have 9 years between children... and my sisters are absolutely thrilled to get to throw me a shower (they were very young for my first born). If someone wants to shrow you a shower or a sprinkle, I say go for it ... those who dont want to gift or find it tacky wont attend.

GraceWordie

BunkinMama said:

Can I just say I was so pissed off when I saw my niece selling all of her big ticket baby items family got her for her first baby shower 3 years ago. She was posting the items on FB to our county's garage sale page. While she was PG with her second. Then she sent a FB invite for another baby shower! X(

Now that is tacky!

cottenjen

When I say I got rid of everything, I gave it all to friends, friends of friends, and relatives, who have since then, donated the items, or they were recalled. Like I said, my shower was 8 years ago, will be 9 years by the time #3comes along.

forevergraceful

I have already been offered a second shower for this baby. I politely declined. Showers are to welcome the mother to motherhood. Even if someone offers to throw it for you, it is still tacky to accept. 

tigerlynx31413

BunkinMama said:

Can I just say I was so pissed off when I saw my niece selling all of her big ticket baby items family got her for her first baby shower 3 years ago. She was posting the items on FB to our county's garage sale page. While she was PG with her second. Then she sent a FB invite for another baby shower! X(

That would piss me off like no other! I'm sorry that happened.

AFM I am mixed. I have been to and seen some friends and family have "sprinkles" because of different gender and/or age gap. If it is kind of standard where you're from I'd say let your friend do it, but keep it small. Also, don't expect the bigger items. I would search on b/s/t sites or consignment store for that stuff.

cottenjen

I'm already picking up a peg prego stroller for $80 today. I have no problem shopping used.

getnauti

I don't think a second shower is a big deal.  If someone offers to throw you one and you don't mind, then sure, have a shower.  If people don't want to come, they won't. 

ELauren88

Thisis going to sound mean, so sorry in advance for that.
Its no ones fault that you gave your stuff away, and its no ones fault that there are so many years between your kids. Its your responsibility to provide for your own child, and showers are for your first. As a welcome to motherhood.
Its nice if people want to give you a gift, or even celebrate the baby. In that case, you can mention a few items that may be helpful (if they ask), and then you may host a meet the baby party, after the birth.
Even as someone from the Midwest (where etiquette apparently doesn't matter???) I side eye second showers, and I've never attended one.
Check out local consignment sales, or fb groups. So many mamas selling gently used items for a major discount. Also, keep your eyes peeled for BRU big trade in event. I picked up a free exersaucer off a yard sale site, and was able to trade it in for 25% off a brand new jumparoo.

nellybellycat

My SIl (who is a vile person) is having her 3rd boy in 3 years and is having a shower. She is an only child ( but one that lives up to the stereotype) and her parents will use any chance to keep her the center of attention. she has no friends so it's just family each time (they don't invite me or my mil) but they do the whole shebang and throw very lavish, gift grabby shower. My bil and sil aren't hurting for money in any way either and could/should buy there own items. I thought it was appalling when she had a huge shower for the 2nd but when I heard about the 3rd-arghhh! My husband doesn't get why it's so gross. t wish you ladies could sit my husband down and explain all of this.

Young_Love

IMO, "sprinkle" is just another word for "I want to have another shower, but I don't want to call it that because apparently it's tacky."

GraceWordie

Think it's safe to say any side eyes would be from people who don't matter. All your close family and friends would probably love to celebrate your new baby!

jcia1208

This was my sister-in-law's exact situation!  We had a sprinkle for her and invited just close family. Everyone knew her situation and they were happy to help.

 

Is your friend willing to throw it for you? I don't think the invite should come from you; that seems tacky.  I think if close friends and family are invited, who know your situation, it is okay.  Congrats!

Young_Love

CALEO said:

CALEO said:

This is my belief: shower on first baby OK, shower on 2nd baby OK if of a different gender OR if its been a substantial time between the kids. But etiquette can differ between different places and people. I live in the Midwest and etiquette isn't taken as seriously.

With all that being said, its of course never OK to throw your own shower or ask for a shower to be thrown. But its been 7 years since I had my daughter and my Mom and aunts want to throw me a shower so I will be having one. They don't consider it bad etiquette because its been so long. But that's just us. I know other people have different opinions and I would understand if people of that opinion chose to opt out of my shower, and that wouldn't hurt my feelings.

I disagree with the opposite sex reason. Register for neutral items!

I also may be in the minority, but I'm fine with a baby girl being in a blue carseat/blanket and vice versa for pink for a baby boy. I don't see why colors are that big of a deal for items. You can always get clothes second hand.

Totally agree. I'm going to try really hard not to stereotype my kid with sex normal colors and stuff. It's going to be an uphill battle I know!

I've already had the "WHY IS BABY STUFF SO DAMN GENDERED?!?" freak out more than once, and I'm barely 6 weeks pg.

ariaforte8

I never once heard that it's tacky to have a second etc. shower until the bump. It's normal where I live for a shower to celebrate every baby. So, judge it based on your own family and circle of friends. If someone is offering go for it.

ashiscute

I'm also expecting my third and I've already started my registry. I have one on Amazon and it's a great way to keep organized and get the completion coupon.

I would decline the shower. A shower is for the mother to be. Your family and friends will most likely buy you some things anyway for this LO without asking them. I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.

nittanyllama

I would side eye it.

Also, people need a second shower for a different gender? That seems ridiculous to me. Get gender neutral stuff, or deal with different colors, or buy it yourself. No way I'm buying you a pink pack n play because you don't want to use your blue one.

GraceWordie

ashiscute said:

I'm also expecting my third and I've already started my registry. I have one on Amazon and it's a great way to keep organized and get the completion coupon.

I would decline the shower. A shower is for the mother to be. Your family and friends will most likely buy you some things anyway for this LO without asking them. I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.

Nobody told me the shower was for the mother to be I didn't receive a single gift for myself last time! Dangit! Haha they are all gifts for the baby. So the "it's for the mother and you are already a mother" argument doesn't make sense at all. Just not seeing the issue if people wanna spoil the new baby let alone get things that are needed.

Chasity08

ELauren88 said:

Thisis going to sound mean, so sorry in advance for that. Its no ones fault that you gave your stuff away, and its no ones fault that there are so many years between your kids. Its your responsibility to provide for your own child, and showers are for your first. As a welcome to motherhood. Its nice if people want to give you a gift, or even celebrate the baby. In that case, you can mention a few items that may be helpful (if they ask), and then you may host a meet the baby party, after the birth. Even as someone from the Midwest (where etiquette apparently doesn't matter???) I side eye second showers, and I've never attended one. Check out local consignment sales, or fb groups. So many mamas selling gently used items for a major discount. Also, keep your eyes peeled for BRU big trade in event. I picked up a free exersaucer off a yard sale site, and was able to trade it in for 25% off a brand new jumparoo.

As to the first point, I guess I didn't realize showers were only for gifts. In my family they are about showing the mom and baby with LOVE. And regardless of whether I have a shower or not, I'm still providing for my child.

As for the second point, at no point did any of us from the Midwest say Etiquette did not matter. But in the Midwest people tend to just be a lot nicer and laid back (for the most part, that obviously doesn't go for everyone here) and so etiquette is a little more lax as well. You see it all the times at weddings, too. Things that are crazy etiquette "no-no's" for weddings are done all the time here in the Midwest. It's just how things are. In the town I live in, specifically, and especially in my family, the showers are done to shower the mother with love. We take great pride in cooking something awesome, there are a lot of handmade gifts (because lord knows my aunts have a freakin sewing/knitting/crocheting GIFT, I tell ya), and just a lot of sentiments. It's a great time.

If people choose to side-eye it and not come, that's fine, because that's not what it's about for us.

But to say that someone who has a second shower isn't taking responsibility for caring for their child is just BS, excuse my French.

ashiscute

GraceWordie said:

ashiscute said:

I'm also expecting my third and I've already started my registry. I have one on Amazon and it's a great way to keep organized and get the completion coupon.

I would decline the shower. A shower is for the mother to be. Your family and friends will most likely buy you some things anyway for this LO without asking them. I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.

Nobody told me the shower was for the mother to be I didn't receive a single gift for myself last time! Dangit! Haha they are all gifts for the baby. So the "it's for the mother and you are already a mother" argument doesn't make sense at all. Just not seeing the issue if people wanna spoil the new baby let alone get things that are needed.

The issue is that I'd be embarrassed to ask people to buy me MORE things to take care of my kids. My kids are my responsibility and I'm not deluded enough to believe the gifts are for them.

Also, all of those things were for you. YOU registered and YOU used them. You used them to take care of your baby. I assume you were the guest of honor and the baby wasn't born yet?

Mommasay0

My cousin did the same thing thought she was done with kids after 2 and got rid of everything. She had a shower for her 3rd baby but not her 4th. I will have a sprinkle for this baby (#4) if it's a girl bc my other 3 are boys, but also this baby is a summer baby and my others were winter babies.

munchkinsmama

In my circle of friends we do a bagel brunch at one of our homes for a 2nd/3rd baby. It's a nice excuse to all get together and have th ed DH'S watch the kiddies. We do small gifts similar to what we would give after the baby was born. It's a nice way for us all to relax and get excited for the new baby, and to spend time with our friend before the newborn crazy sets in.

teisha030782

My son will be 3 and I gave away all of his clothes. So if I'm having a girl I will definitely need one if it's another boy it depends hopefully family will just help

teisha030782

If nobody throws me one then so be it! This child won't go without regardless! And I know it's not a "right". Didn't need you to point that out. Thanks

teisha030782

This pregnancy was totally unexpected so if someone decides to throw this baby a shower great if not. I will make due obviously. And you Never know someone's situation so who are we to say whether or not someone need a shower or not?

GraceWordie

jefa621 said:

teisha030782 said:

My son will be 3 and I gave away all of his clothes. So if I'm having a girl I will definitely need one if it's another boy it depends hopefully family will just help

Nobody "needs" a shower. They're not a right.

Seriously though? Who spit in your cereal today? Obviously she means she will need clothes which come from having the shower.

GraceWordie

tashany99 said:

You can still have a shower. I don't think its tacky at all. Just this time around, just put smaller items on the registry that im pretty sure you haven't had since your 4 year old was born.

A shower is not just to get gifts, its a celebration of another life coming into your family. And I firmly believe that is a blessing.

Exactly this. Well said.

teisha030782

GraceWordie said:

jefa621 said:

teisha030782 said:

My son will be 3 and I gave away all of his clothes. So if I'm having a girl I will definitely need one if it's another boy it depends hopefully family will just help

Nobody "needs" a shower. They're not a right.

Seriously though? Who spit in your cereal today? Obviously she means she will need clothes which come from having the shower.

Thanks so much for this because I was like. Really?? Like I said if someone throws me one great

forevergraceful

teisha030782 said:

This pregnancy was totally unexpected so if someone decides to throw this baby a shower great if not. I will make due obviously. And you Never know someone's situation so who are we to say whether or not someone need a shower or not?

Just because someone's situation might be unfavorable, it doesn't mean that it is socially acceptable to go against etiquette. 

foodie12rn

teisha030782 said:

This pregnancy was totally unexpected so if someone decides to throw this baby a shower great if not. I will make due obviously. And you Never know someone's situation so who are we to say whether or not someone need a shower or not?

I have to say I agree with @jefa621‌ on this one. It doesn't matter whether your pregnancy was unexpected or not, you don't NEED a shower.

I'm not a fan of second showers for anyone, regardless of whether the baby is the same or another sex. If family/friends want to buy a little something to celebrate a second,third,etc baby that's one thing. Having a shower is asking for gifts IMO. When I receive an invitation to a second shower, I decline. I don't sent a gift. I think they are tacky.

ETA: sex, not gender.

teisha030782

forevergraceful said:

teisha030782 said:

This pregnancy was totally unexpected so if someone decides to throw this baby a shower great if not. I will make due obviously. And you Never know someone's situation so who are we to say whether or not someone need a shower or not?

Just because someone's situation might be unfavorable, it doesn't mean that it is socially acceptable to go against etiquette. 

I didn't say that this is my opinion I am just saying before you judge you never know someone situation. If someone is poor and ended up pregnant then I'm pretty sure a baby shower may help them out even if it is their 2nd or 3rd. Granted maybe they need BC LOL but im pretty sure etiquette would be the furthest thing from their mind with another mouth to feed. Just saying