Should I accept my MIL's "free" babysitting despite not liking her?

tp871280

So my MIL and I do not get along. She is/always has been a stay at home mom/wife and I have been more career driven. Ever since she has known me, she has mentioned how selfish is is of me to put off children to focus on my career (mind you I am 25 and a year away from becoming dentist). She even told me once that it is selfish of my not to have kids just because I am in school and that I should have my kids and just let her take care of them. YA, RIGHT! 

Now that I am considering TTC, I have quite a bit of anxiety about this issue. Should I, for the sake of saving money, allow her to babysit my future baby? Am I totally crazy for considering turning down free help? Or am I entitled to not allow her to be alone with my kid because of my personal feelings toward her? Is my hatered clouding my judgment? 

Elaina22

We turned down free help and don't regret it for a second. Our excuse/reasoning was that we didn't want to mix family and business, as you are hiring someone to watch your child. I personally find it easier to tell someone I am paying how I want things done rather than someone who is doing it for free. That might just be me though. We also want grandparents to be just that, fun grandparents. And, I can't stand my MIL:)

This is a big decision. I say once the time comes, explore all options and then pick the best one that is right for your family. There is much more to consider than just cost. Good luck with everything!

uksteph11

I agree with pp.  There are many things to consider besides cost.  I actually love my MIL, but we turned down her offer to watch LO 2x/week.  We don't want to deal with the hassle of taking LO to her house and picking up as it is about 20 minutes from where we live and in the opposite direction of work.  I also agree that it will be much easier to tell someone I hire how I want things done.  If I was taking my LO to my MIL, I would feel as though it would be her rules since she would be doing us a favor.  Also, I like that we are not really utilizing her for child care, which would likely make her available to help us out if we were in a bind one day.  When the time comes, I would just look at all of your options within your budget and do what is best for you and your family.

By the way, I can't believe she thinks it is selfish to wait to have children until you are ready.  I feel the exact opposite is selfish.  A child takes a lot of time and energy.  Having one before you are ready to devote yourself to a LO is selfish!

Ahlome08

Maybe it's different because I like my MIL, but we disagree in many things as well, and when she watches LO, she only does what I tell her, despite how she feels. I think it comes down to how well she will respect your decisions and how forceful you are. If you think she's not going to listen to your rules, get someone else to do it.

tp871280

Thanks for the responses, everyone! @Bliss+Berry, I also think it is kind of ridiculous to worry about this when a baby doesn't even exist yet. However, this is part of my decision making process as far as having a kid now (which would require possible free help) or waiting until I am in a position to afford a full time nanny.

P.S. I also tend to be the OCD Everything-must-be-planned-ahead-of-time type .

tp871280

Also, I am not dead set on hating her. The first 5 years that I knew my husband, I tried to establish a great relationship with her. We would talk on a daily basis and even hang out without my H. It was at the point that she started insulting my life choices and pushing her sexist ways on me that I decided to cut her off. 

tobrieornottobrie

It's always really difficult to know what to do in those sorts of situations, I think the most important thing is that you and your husband are on the same page about whatever decision you make. How does he feel about your MIL watching the baby? 

the brie's cheese knees 

kwitt22

Since your relationship is strained I would probably say no.That being said my ILs watch my girls and I am so happy they do. I get along really great with my ILs and they really respect our wishes as parents. It has saved us a lot of money in child care, because frankly we probably wouldn't have kids right now if it weren't for them. My whole paycheck would basically go to childcare and there is no way we could afford one income. 

tp871280

@aditigirl would you prefer I have a baby with no plan of how I am going to take care of it? Call me crazy, but I think planned pregnancies usually involve some planning. But thank you for your totally unproductive comment.

tp871280

LOL REALLY? A word bothers you?

I 100% have a lot of research to do. No doubt about it. That is part of the reason I am on this blog. This is part of what I am doing now that I am CONSIDERING a baby. I usually spend my time studying my profession...not babies. So please excuse me if I am not as informed as some of you veteran moms. But ask me a question about teeth and I bet I'll know the answer to that one . 

Ahlome08

@tp871280‌ it's ok I know what you meant. I'm a FTM and we waited and planned until I could be a SAHM, because I don't like the idea of someone else watching my baby. Also. Don't feel bad about calling your future baby "it": I called DS that until we found out the sex, mostly because, it was unreal to me, being pregnant. It is still kind of surreal to me having a LO, but he is my little little love!!

tp871280

If you think I am coming off crazy, then kindly stop commenting on my post. I have no desire to deal with negative ladies like yourselves. Maybe you should direct your energy toward more important things instead of putting down others who have different perspectives and ways of going about things. 

tp871280

Got it. Thanks!