How to convince my hubby to let me be a SAHM?

persephonesmommy

Exactly what my question is lol

hlm184

...Yeah, more details needed.

persephonesmommy

He wants money for a vacation next summer so he wants me to save up. For me i feel like its hard to pump, go to school, work, and have time to spend with my dd. He doesnt want to have to pay for formula so im trying my best. But idont have that much time

eaglesfan700

I would not SAH unless I knew my H was 100% on board. That just sounds like it could cause a lot of resentment and arguments. I also hear a lot of "I" and "he" instead of "we" when you talk about finances which seems counterproductive

vettymama

I'm guessing it's because he doesn't think you can afford it. But seriously, this is something you should be talking about to him. Not a bunch of internet strangers. Our husbands agreed with us from the get-go so the (majority) of us won't be very helpful. 

Guennie

It sounds to me like the two of you need to sit down and have a real heart to heart conversation about what you want and what you see working for your family structure. Make a list of what is really important to you and compare notes. Weigh the pros and cons together. If you disagree you have to compromise based on the highest priorities. If you agree but you don't know how to make it work, look into all of your options and find the best solution that will make you mutually feel good about your decisions. Good luck, I know it can be very stressful figuring this stuff out.

persephonesmommy

Thanks for all the advice (:
We have been making a budget and plan on me working until we have enough for the vacation, and then i can take some time off (:

UnofficiallyLO

If your DH would rather save for vacation than let you be a SAHM it sounds like you have a lot of convincing to do. Good luck.

snowbound

You guys really need to sit down and discuss every aspect of this. Staying home isn't just for fun. It's a lot of work for both parties.

mama2bornot2b

If a vacation will make or break staying home, you cannot afford to stay at home.

estefyp4

persephonesmommy said:

He wants money for a vacation next summer so he wants me to save up. For me i feel like its hard to pump, go to school, work, and have time to spend with my dd. He doesnt want to have to pay for formula so im trying my best. But idont have that much time

Just a suggestion.. you could sit down and talk to him and make a plan about a set amount that you can save up before your due date and that way you have a plan and know how much you'll be saving .. try to make a deal with him of maybe staying home one year?... and then going back to work.. A vacation doesn't really seem like a great thing to save for anyways... you should be saving for a house or for you to be able to be able to stay home for a while or just anything more important than a vacation.. besides vacations and babies?..Hmm is not quite the same your cramped in a hotel where babies can get cranky and if your flying then there are just lots of other situations that can happen.. Vacations are best when kids are old enough to enjoy it and understand..Good luck!

Linnea503

I agree with previous posters...if all that is standing in your way is formula and a vacation, I don't think staying at home is a good choice for your family. Further, by leaving the paid workforce you become a dependent on your husband. I would personally never put myself in that situation if my husband wasn't 150% on board, supportive, and an equal partner in our marriage. There is no "mine" and "yours" in our relationship. If there was, I would have given serious pause to the idea of making myself financially dependent on him.

As it stood, we had a six figure retirement account, investments, 6+ months cash in savings, no consumer debt, and my/our credit scores are spectacular. We stocked up on life insurance and made sure our wills were in place. We continue to exclusively use a credit card in my name to maintain my credit. I'm not trying to brag here, I'm just pointing out what it took for me to feel comfortable leaving my career. 

If I had to "convince" my husband in any way that this was a good idea, there is no way it would have happened. We were both in equal agreement this was a wise arrangement for our family.

alyshamarie007

I wanted to be a SAHM since before DS was born. At the time of him being born, we simply could not afford it without putting ourself in financial troubles. I worked for about 5 months and then worked from home (in home daycare) for about 4. Finally at that time, we were in a better position to allow me to stay at home. There were some savings in me staying at home such as not having to pay for daycare, less doctor bills because my son got sick less, and lower taxes since our income dropped. Some people can afford to stay home by giving up certain luxuries (aka vacations, eating out, etc) and some people can stay home and still afford those things. If your husband isn't on board completely it can just cause resentment and marriage difficulties.

If it's very important to you, I would suggest just telling him how much it means to you and that you are willing to sacrifice certain things in order to do it and make a plan on how long, etc. Remind him that there are some money saving benefits from staying at home as well. If he still doesn't support the idea then consider finding a job that you can do at home. Even if now it doesn't work out now...maybe the future it could. Best wishes.

MesmrEwe

IMO - you aren't financially in a position given what you've posted to SAHM.  It's not just 3-6mo of savings, you really need to have retirement savings in the bank because as PP have mentioned, what happens when the furnace/AC goes out - that's $6000 without flinching to replace.  The transmission on a vehicle, same deal.  It takes longer than 3-6mo to find a reasonably good paying job if the wage-earner loses it, but worse, the bank isn't going to let you hold off on your payments nor the electric company, etc.  Then there are student loans to consider, those suckers are with you forever! 

If formula is going to break the bank, you really can't afford to SAHM.  Formula really isn't that expensive in the grand scheme of baby expenses especially when factoring the costs that go into EP.  Let alone "working for a vacation" - that money should be going into savings just so you've got a general savings fund set up for life expenses.  After you've got five digits into a sustainable form of savings then you'll be in a far better position to have the SAHM discussion, until then, be content with where you're at and focus on the end-goal. 

Also, the PP is correct in that being away from the work force does put you at a disadvantage.  Granted, if I wanted to go back to work tomorrow all I'd need to do is call my agent.  HOWEVER, I'd need some continuing ed. and refreshers to be brought back up to speed because while I've been at home, my industry has made changes/advances and in order to step back in, I've got to be up to speed!

ggatlanta

Wow, most mature and stable relationship *ever* from what I can tell. Congrats.

I say jump in with both feet - just quit your job without telling him and work out the deets later.

alli2672

Who is taking care of your DD while you work and go to school? 

allrightmeow

ggatlanta said:

Wow, most mature and stable relationship *ever* from what I can tell. Congrats. I say jump in with both feet - just quit your job without telling him and work out the deets later.

Da fuck??? OP do NOT do this! 

bohemianlc

I have only been a SAHM for about two months, and we have already had to deal with some unexpected car and home repairs that added up to quite a bit; I'm so glad that we were financially prepared to deal with them. I agree with PPs that it's vital to be financially prepared for emergencies. If formula is already stretching your budget to the point where your DH is concerned, you may want to reconsider staying home right now. With that said, DH and I were not in a position for me to stay home just a few years ago. Just because you may not be able to afford it right now doesn't mean it isn't feasible in the near future if you are both on board with the idea.

Your contributions as a SAHM are still very important, so it does worry me a bit that you see it as your husband "letting" you stay home with your child(ren). Even if you aren't bringing money into your household, your job is just as important as his, and it's important that BOTH of you completely see it that way if you want it to work out. 

Knottie48097161

estefyp4 said:

persephonesmommy said:

He wants money for a vacation next summer so he wants me to save up. For me i feel like its hard to pump, go to school, work, and have time to spend with my dd. He doesnt want to have to pay for formula so im trying my best. But idont have that much time

Just a suggestion.. you could sit down and talk to him and make a plan about a set amount that you can save up before your due date and that way you have a plan and know how much you'll be saving .. try to make a deal with him of maybe staying home one year?... and then going back to work.. A vacation doesn't really seem like a great thing to save for anyways... you should be saving for a house or for you to be able to be able to stay home for a while or just anything more important than a vacation.. besides vacations and babies?..Hmm is not quite the same your cramped in a hotel where babies can get cranky and if your flying then there are just lots of other situations that can happen.. Vacations are best when kids are old enough to enjoy it and understand..Good luck!

Um first of all how do you know they were even planning on taking the baby? A lot of people take adult only vacations. Second family vacations are fun at Lou's of ages you must be doing it wrong. Third if you use protocol you wouldn't take family vacations until kids are like 10.

mandymack

@persephonesmommy did you ever speak with your DH about being a SAHM after this post? How did it go?

estefyp4

Knottie48097161 said:

estefyp4 said:

persephonesmommy said:

He wants money for a vacation next summer so he wants me to save up. For me i feel like its hard to pump, go to school, work, and have time to spend with my dd. He doesnt want to have to pay for formula so im trying my best. But idont have that much time

Just a suggestion.. you could sit down and talk to him and make a plan about a set amount that you can save up before your due date and that way you have a plan and know how much you'll be saving .. try to make a deal with him of maybe staying home one year?... and then going back to work.. A vacation doesn't really seem like a great thing to save for anyways... you should be saving for a house or for you to be able to be able to stay home for a while or just anything more important than a vacation.. besides vacations and babies?..Hmm is not quite the same your cramped in a hotel where babies can get cranky and if your flying then there are just lots of other situations that can happen.. Vacations are best when kids are old enough to enjoy it and understand..Good luck!

Um first of all how do you know they were even planning on taking the baby? A lot of people take adult only vacations. Second family vacations are fun at Lou's of ages you must be doing it wrong. Third if you use protocol you wouldn't take family vacations until kids are like 10.

Knottie your right I am assuming they are taking the baby if not that's great for them if they are taking the baby this is where I feel taking consideration for others takes place. Sure there's plenty of places to vacation with kiddos but traveling with an infant is tough. period. I just feel even as someone that has a toddler and another on the way that there are certain things you must sacrifice in the first years of parenthood like for instance for me I would not take my 6 month old to a restaurant at 8 pm because I was too lazy to cook of course for lunch time it would be appropriate since you are out and about in your day but by night time unless you absolutely must be out at night you should be at home with your kiddo.. This is the way I feel since I feel I should be considerate for others and not just think of myself and what I want to do.

willowprincess

estefyp4 said:

Knottie48097161 said:

estefyp4 said:

persephonesmommy said:

He wants money for a vacation next summer so he wants me to save up. For me i feel like its hard to pump, go to school, work, and have time to spend with my dd. He doesnt want to have to pay for formula so im trying my best. But idont have that much time

Just a suggestion.. you could sit down and talk to him and make a plan about a set amount that you can save up before your due date and that way you have a plan and know how much you'll be saving .. try to make a deal with him of maybe staying home one year?... and then going back to work.. A vacation doesn't really seem like a great thing to save for anyways... you should be saving for a house or for you to be able to be able to stay home for a while or just anything more important than a vacation.. besides vacations and babies?..Hmm is not quite the same your cramped in a hotel where babies can get cranky and if your flying then there are just lots of other situations that can happen.. Vacations are best when kids are old enough to enjoy it and understand..Good luck!

Um first of all how do you know they were even planning on taking the baby? A lot of people take adult only vacations. Second family vacations are fun at Lou's of ages you must be doing it wrong. Third if you use protocol you wouldn't take family vacations until kids are like 10.

Knottie your right I am assuming they are taking the baby if not that's great for them if they are taking the baby this is where I feel taking consideration for others takes place. Sure there's plenty of places to vacation with kiddos but traveling with an infant is tough. period. I just feel even as someone that has a toddler and another on the way that there are certain things you must sacrifice in the first years of parenthood like for instance for me I would not take my 6 month old to a restaurant at 8 pm because I was too lazy to cook of course for lunch time it would be appropriate since you are out and about in your day but by night time unless you absolutely must be out at night you should be at home with your kiddo.. This is the way I feel since I feel I should be considerate for others and not just think of myself and what I want to do.

This also is very kid dependent. My kids do great at restaurant and traveling. In fact they are way better behaved out and about than at home. We regularly took our first out that late to things and she was totally fine. I don't think you need to be at home at night with your kids. Our lifestyle involves a lot of late nights out and about and our children fit into that just fine.

And they've always come on trips with us. It's always a lot of fun and never has there been issues where I've thought we were inconsiderate of others.