I was occasionally spanked as a child. I had planned on occasionally spanking my kids when I had some. Then I went to college and studied psychology of human development and education. I no longer plan on spanking my kids because I believe there are better ways to discipline.
"Though spanking has been passed on from generation to generation in many families, many experts agree that it is not, and never has been, an effective way to discipline a child. Children who are spanked may refrain from repeating a misdemeanor rather than risk another spanking, but they obey only as long as the risk is present. Spanking may stop a child's undesirable action in its tracks, but it won't change behavior. It doesn't teach children how to differentiate right from wrong... Spanking teaches children that the best way to settle disputes is with force, and denies them the chance to learn (through a parent's example) alternative, less hurtful, routes to dealing with anger and frustration." Taken from The Tenth Month chapter in What To Expect The First Year.
I appreciate this group for opening my eyes to other ways to do things. @natalawson - I hope you aren't offended by my post, but instead rethink before you spank again (for your step daughter or when your LO gets older). In this instance, is there a way that I can discipline and get my point across better instead of spanking?
I was occasionally spanked as a child. I had planned on occasionally spanking my kids when I had some. Then I went to college and studied psychology of human development and education. I no longer plan on spanking my kids because I believe there are better ways to discipline.
"Though spanking has been passed on from generation to generation in many families, many experts agree that it is not, and never has been, an effective way to discipline a child. Children who are spanked may refrain from repeating a misdemeanor rather than risk another spanking, but they obey only as long as the risk is present. Spanking may stop a child's undesirable action in its tracks, but it won't change behavior. It doesn't teach children how to differentiate right from wrong... Spanking teaches children that the best way to settle disputes is with force, and denies them the chance to learn (through a parent's example) alternative, less hurtful, routes to dealing with anger and frustration." Taken from The Tenth Month chapter in What To Expect The First Year.
I appreciate this group for opening my eyes to other ways to do things. @natalawson - I hope you aren't offended by my post, but instead rethink before you spank again (for your step daughter or when your LO gets older). In this instance, is there a way that I can discipline and get my point across better instead of spanking?
I've been trying to get across to everyone that spanking shouldn't be the first means of discipline, but if an unruly child continues to misbehave, spanking is an appropriate action. In my opinion.
You told us you offered your 6 year old a spanking as a first means of discipline when she peed her pants.
You've completely missed the point I was trying to make with her choosing her spanking. If it were to put her through such mental anguish, do you really think she would've chosen that as her punishment?
I don't think you really have a point, other than you want your children to fear you.
I'm just now picturing a grown-ass man spanking a six year old girl's bottom with a shoe, and arguing that people who disagree with that approach are "immature".
I just....honestly.
TWO Babies in 2014! DS #1 Born 01/07/2014, DS #2 Born 12/17/2014
You told us you offered your 6 year old a spanking as a first means of discipline when she peed her pants.
First of all, my husband offered it to her. Personally, I would've put her to bed early, but since we were out visiting family he figured she wouldn't want to miss out on anything. So, he gave her two options, which she choose to get a spanking. The spanking was no more than three pops on the butt with a flip-flop.
You've completely missed the point I was trying to make with her choosing her spanking. If it were to put her through such mental anguish, do you really think she would've chosen that as her punishment?
I don't think you really have a point, other than you want your children to fear you.
You figured it out! Case closed. AMEN!!!! Eta, flip flop, ha ha. I'm just baffled
Why she punished for having an accident?!? Did she deliberately go and pee on something of yours? That's something that deserves discipline, not having an accident! Btw no matter what you are trying to prove it's not going to fly, none of us are going to join you in thinking that all of a sudden we should start popping our children like you do.
I was spanked growing up and I feared my parents, however, I do not want DS to fear me. But seriously, what child wants to be hit as a form of discipline? You stated that hitting was to correct continual bad behavior but this sounds like her accident was an isolated incident. Of course she chose to be hit because this is learned behavior she doesn't understand anything more than she's going to get hit. And the fact to EMBARRASS her for an accident is just cruel. No one wants to be demeaned in that manner. I get that she should've gone to the bathroom, but come on.
I'm not going to comment about your disciplining choices, you stated your opinions. All I will say is I also disagree.
But I just read this thread from start to finish. You completely overreacted to everyone on this thread from the get go. You basically told all the ladies on here because they don't discipline the way you do, we are all going to have unruly children. That's really presumptuous there. So everyone fired back and you just continued. I think you need to relax overall. This is a forum. Don't comment if you don't want a reply.
Also 10 month olds don't get discipline unfortunately so yeah...
A child was spanked for having a bathroom accident? Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you? If you're going to justify spanking as a means of discipline, don't use an example where the child involved didn't even misbehave! Its not like she said "oh, I'm going to make a mess and pee all over myself on purpose." You said yourself, she was distracted. A TYPICAL occurrence with a six year old child. It was an ACCIDENT and you still spanked her for that? This blows my mind. Instead of offering her a choice of a spanking or early bed, maybe you should've had a conversation with her about why it happened, why it shouldn't happen, and what will happen if it happens again.
Eta..
And yes, I am judging you because your discipline decisions are crap.
I don't think anyone is saying you abuse your child. I think the point is that the discipline choices you are making are outdated, ineffective and when it comes to "popping" an infants hand , unnecessary and inappropriate.
Holy f••k. In the state I reside, spanking your child with anything other than an open palm IS child abuse. And spanking a child for wetting the bed is completely f••ked up beyond belief. Obviously, your child needs reminders to get up and use the bathroom during the night. Not punishment and humiliation. Geezus. I'm sickened.
I'm so very sorry you suffered such terrible abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to love and care for you ... but just because what happened to you was "worse" than hitting with a flip flop - that doesn't mean hitting w a flip flop or any other item - OR "popping" a 10 month old is okay. It is REALLY not okay. I hope you can calm the defensiveness down and actually really evaluate if it's a good decision to be popping a 10 month old. You have a whole lot of women with babies the same age - LEGITIMATE studies/advice from multiple sources advising against it. Your baby may seem like they understand "no" but they do not fully grasp it. There are millions of well behaved children who were not "popped" or flip flopped.
If you spank/hit/discipline in any way a 10 month old baby then yes, that makes you a bad parent. You are a bad parent. They don't have the cognitive ability to understand discipline in any capacity at this age. You however, do have the cognitive ability to understand what a crappy thing you are doing. Or at least you would have the cognitive ability, if you had any compassion for your child.
Using a flip flop to spank a child (or belt or switch etc) is very common where I am from (MS & LA). I do not agree with that. I do give butt pops (like softer than you fluff your pillow with) for dangerous stuff (running into the street or the like) to my 3.5 year old. I also pull her aside and explain why she is getting a butt pop. It is not hard or to hurt or instill fear. It is more for her to remember that she could be seriously hurt in that situation. But not to a 10 month old. No dice there. And yes people in my area pop hands all.the.time. Doesn't make it right.
Re: Telling baby "no" (Mod edit: possible abuse triggers)
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"Though spanking has been passed on from generation to generation in many families, many experts agree that it is not, and never has been, an effective way to discipline a child. Children who are spanked may refrain from repeating a misdemeanor rather than risk another spanking, but they obey only as long as the risk is present. Spanking may stop a child's undesirable action in its tracks, but it won't change behavior. It doesn't teach children how to differentiate right from wrong... Spanking teaches children that the best way to settle disputes is with force, and denies them the chance to learn (through a parent's example) alternative, less hurtful, routes to dealing with anger and frustration." Taken from The Tenth Month chapter in What To Expect The First Year.
I appreciate this group for opening my eyes to other ways to do things. @natalawson - I hope you aren't offended by my post, but instead rethink before you spank again (for your step daughter or when your LO gets older). In this instance, is there a way that I can discipline and get my point across better instead of spanking?
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My Blogs
https://littlebirdconfections.wordpress.com/
https://heismightyquinn.wordpress.com/
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
My Blogs
https://littlebirdconfections.wordpress.com/
https://heismightyquinn.wordpress.com/
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
My Blogs
https://littlebirdconfections.wordpress.com/
https://heismightyquinn.wordpress.com/
I just....honestly.
DS #1 Born 01/07/2014, DS #2 Born 12/17/2014
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AMEN!!!!
Eta, flip flop, ha ha. I'm just baffled
Did she deliberately go and pee on something of yours? That's something that deserves discipline, not having an accident!
Btw no matter what you are trying to prove it's not going to fly, none of us are going to join you in thinking that all of a sudden we should start popping our children like you do.
I'm not going to comment about your disciplining choices, you stated your opinions. All I will say is I also disagree.
But I just read this thread from start to finish. You completely overreacted to everyone on this thread from the get go. You basically told all the ladies on here because they don't discipline the way you do, we are all going to have unruly children. That's really presumptuous there. So everyone fired back and you just continued. I think you need to relax overall. This is a forum. Don't comment if you don't want a reply.
Also 10 month olds don't get discipline unfortunately so yeah...
Eta..
And yes, I am judging you because your discipline decisions are crap.
our little flower born 01.13.14
our little flower born 01.13.14
partial molar pregnancy : bfp 6.28.10, d/c 8.17.10, 7 rounds methotrexate, cleared 7.1.11
alexander patrick : bfp 1.16.12, born 9.20.12 @ 39w1d, 7 lbs./11 oz./22 in.
scarlett irene elizabeth : bfp 5.24.13, born 2.3.14 @ 41w2d, 7 lbs./13 oz./19 in.
Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
TTC #3
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sibling love
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sibling love
partial molar pregnancy : bfp 6.28.10, d/c 8.17.10, 7 rounds methotrexate, cleared 7.1.11
alexander patrick : bfp 1.16.12, born 9.20.12 @ 39w1d, 7 lbs./11 oz./22 in.
scarlett irene elizabeth : bfp 5.24.13, born 2.3.14 @ 41w2d, 7 lbs./13 oz./19 in.
partial molar pregnancy : bfp 6.28.10, d/c 8.17.10, 7 rounds methotrexate, cleared 7.1.11
alexander patrick : bfp 1.16.12, born 9.20.12 @ 39w1d, 7 lbs./11 oz./22 in.
scarlett irene elizabeth : bfp 5.24.13, born 2.3.14 @ 41w2d, 7 lbs./13 oz./19 in.
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My Blogs
https://littlebirdconfections.wordpress.com/
https://heismightyquinn.wordpress.com/