My 2.5 year old daughter acts out with me....why

BabyNewbury2012

My husband has said said to me on several occasions that my daughter (2.5 year old) acts differenly when I am around. That she acts out more and has more tantrums and emotional episodes. My mom is staying with us now for a couple weeks and is staying home with our daughter while we are at work and last night before bed she said the same to me, that all day my daughter was doing so well but she noticed when I got home that she was very dramatic and acting out. Why is this happening? Anyone else have this issue? Am I doing something wrong? I would change if i knew what to change.

 

JENandJEH

I think it's normal for kids to do this with the person/people they feel most comfortable with.  She knows that you love her unconditionally and that she can test her boundaries with you because your love is unwavering.  Around other people, she's (and this isn't to say anything about their specific relationship to her, just in general) less comfortable that she is with you so she doesn't push her limits like she does with you.  Also, it's easier for grandparents to be less critical of their behavior than mom and/or dad so she may still be exhibiting some of the same behaviors but they don't grate on their nerves like it does yours.

DS2 is exactly like this...he is sometimes just plain awful at home for me but his teachers have never once talked to me about any behavior issues and I've asked them if they're having issues with him screaming/squealing/hitting/biting and they look at me like I'm nuts because he is so well behaved for them.  Babysitters and grandparents say the same.  

blu-eyedwife

I think kids behave differently with different people, but it's also easier to see behaviors that are not directed at yourself.  I don't know if that makes sense.  DH has said before that our son whines and tantrums more with me, but I've pointed out multiple instances where he does the same thing with DH, DH just doesn't recognize it when he's not looking at it objectively.

ashiscute

I think kids are smart and know how to act with certain people and how not act. My kids are whinier to DH than they are to me. They probably have the same amount of tantrums for us both. I think kids just know where certain behavior might work.

And also, sometimes it's easier to notice tantrums when there is another person around to deal or respond.

emberlee3

It is totally normal for kids to be on good behavior for caregivers all day, then relax and "vent" with mom or dad.  Plus, evenings are naturally a hectic/stressful time.  Is she hungry or over-tired by the time you get home?  Do you immediately give her some special attention, or are you busy checking the mail, starting dinner, chatting with your mom, etc? 

BabyNewbury2012

emberlee3 said:

It is totally normal for kids to be on good behavior for caregivers all day, then relax and "vent" with mom or dad.  Plus, evenings are naturally a hectic/stressful time.  Is she hungry or over-tired by the time you get home?  Do you immediately give her some special attention, or are you busy checking the mail, starting dinner, chatting with your mom, etc? 

 

 

I used to get home and rush everything but I took a new job in April which allows me to get her from daycare earlier and home earlier so now I give her attention first by cuddling or playing before I get dinner ready. I have noticed that has helped my evenings.

 

MomToNeeners

My DD acts out but she has ADHD and Anxiety Disorder (her behavior is very extreme). The best thing that we do to help is just keep our cool. Kiddos feed off of emotions and stress. DD acts out worse with me but its been way better since I take a more calm and cool relaxed approach per my DD's therapist.

emberlee3

BabyNewbury2012 said:

emberlee3 said:

It is totally normal for kids to be on good behavior for caregivers all day, then relax and "vent" with mom or dad.  Plus, evenings are naturally a hectic/stressful time.  Is she hungry or over-tired by the time you get home?  Do you immediately give her some special attention, or are you busy checking the mail, starting dinner, chatting with your mom, etc? 

 

 

I used to get home and rush everything but I took a new job in April which allows me to get her from daycare earlier and home earlier so now I give her attention first by cuddling or playing before I get dinner ready. I have noticed that has helped my evenings.

 

Oh, I forgot about exercise and fresh air. Is she getting enough with your mom? My kids were beasts in the evenings when we switched from daycare to a nanny. It took a few months to get into a new routine with snacks, sleep, and playground time, but the evenings are much more pleasant.

Crawfish88

My kids do the exact same thing. Sometimes my husband will tell me not to come home until they're down! I think they just want more attention from "mom" or even feel like they can get away with more things with me than their father. It happened more around the age 3 but then they eventually grew out of it. They become more independent, and less clingy.

Jill R

*edited by mod*

christinasullie37

My Dd is the exact same ay. I only see her for an hour and a half each day during the week and all day Saturday and Sunday. Most of her time is spent with Dh and grandma. Dh has said it to me on a lot of occasions. It makes me feel awful and I don't know what to do. I work a very stressful job and so most evenings I am exhausted. I do believe it is an attention getter and that Dd is whiney because I am.