Working moms discussion

mamma1614

Hi all, I am fairly new to this group. I've been reading your posts every now and then when I have some down time. I feel now is a good time to introduce myself since that's what everybody does here. So Hello! :-) I am a FTM, working mom, I have a beautiful 9.5 month old boy named Landen. I will try my best later to fill in more details about me and my LO to introduce us better.

The topic I raise here is about working moms and their thoughts on being working moms. I'm sure its a common topic for most of you and not easy. For me, coming back to work after my short 2.5 month maternity leave, it was very difficult. I felt like a terrible mom to leave my kid with a stranger, nonetheless basically paying my entire paycheck to the caretaker just so I can get back to work. I had cut my days an hour earlier and work from home Fridays which is probably better than nothing. 6 or 7 months later I still have that heavy feeling when I leave and even more now when my son is more social and understands things better. For example- that poor look on his face when I leave like he's saying "where are you going?" as I close the door.  I'm sure most of it is in my head and he probably doesn't mind as much as I think. Does anybody else go through this routine? how does everybody cope with this kind of feeling?
Does anybody think of taking some time off to be with LO? or maybe you have? Please share any thoughts or experiences.

Thanks so much in advance for any comments!

somewierd_person

I can relate! Don't beat yourself up over it, if you can't change your situation right now my theory is not to feed into the negativity. Easier said than done and I'm great at not taking my own advice but my point is that you(we) can teach y(our) kids more by making the best out of a frustrating situation than letting it overwhelm ourselves. On days that I feel the worst about working I get on the floor with my lo and snuggle the crap out of him. If you rally feel like overall you would be better staying home try putting aside your income and practice your budget without your income. It's not possible for me right now but when we get closer this is how I'm going to do it. It try to remember how hard things were for my parents and how much I love them now to keep things in perspective. It's not easy either way

candypantsls

I am now a SAHM but I worked from home for the first 6 months, and I just wanted to offer that perspective. I felt like both a terrible employee AND mom because my attention was constantly split between my baby and clients. I found myself walking away from my crying baby to take a phone call, and also ignoring calls because I was with my baby, etc. Now that I stay at home every day, I can tell you there are positives to working full time and having your LO in the presence of other little ones!! I know it's got to be VERY hard to leave for work, but I seriously think the grass is always greener. I long for self-fulfillment outside my home. Hang in there.

brittanydec2012

I can relate to a lot of the same feelings you are having as well. I work part time, only 4 hours a day and I still have the guilt feeling many days. A lot of my guilt is about choosing to go back to work early. I am from canada so we typically get a year but I applied for a new job that would better suit my family when LO was 7 months old. On days when I really miss him at work I always think about how I could still be at home with him. It's a privilege to have such an extended maternity leave and I know many of you went back weeks/short months after having LO so I can not even imagine how hard that may have been. I do love my new job and that helps a lot. I enjoy a little bit of time away most days as it makes me appreciate the time I have with him. I make sure we get quality time once I am home, even if it's only a few minutes before I have to start tackling some household chores. I try to remind myself that a lot of those things can be done once he is asleep and that sometimes I just need to stop, let the dishes he dirty, ignore the dog hair on the floor and just play and let me be the mom I always dreamed of being. I have had to let go of some of my OCD tentancies and even though it really can drive me crazy at times I know I can always catch up on those things later.

I do really love that my LO has the opportunity to go to daycare and interact with others. I feel it's really beneficial for him and I can tell he really enjoys it. He is such a people watcher like me so even when he's had a crumby night or morning we soon as we walk in the doors of daycare and the kids are all greeting him his smile and eyes light right up. Makes me feel proud and less guilty about leaving him there for a few hours.

I know it is easier said than done but try not to be so hard on yourself. We are all moms doing our best for our kids and we are always here to offer support. Everyone's story is different and what works for them but in the end the bump is always a great place to come for a reminder that your not alone.

laowaigringa

I work full time (teaching) and have come to the conclusion that I am happiest working. Though being a teacher I am lucky in that I have a long summer, I can be home by 4 most days, etc, so I might feel differently if I had a job where I couldn't be at home so much. Though I am sad to leave DD each day, it helps that I work nearby, that she absolutely loves our nanny (the big smiles every morning when the nanny walks through the door are just precious), I do think that working is the best option for our family right now. I think I would go stir-crazy if I were at home all day. I would suggest you try to imagine how you would really feel if you quit your job and stayed at home; would it be great for a week but then would you start to miss your job, interacting with adults, getting a paycheck? It could be a situation of the grass being greener on the other side. But if you do think you'd be happiest at home, then it may be time to figure out a way to make it work financially. Good luck!

tera_nichole

I'm pretty lucky with my job. I was off for 6 weeks but I got to take my son with me when I went back. He still comes to work with me half days then goes to my grandma's the other half. He's going to start daycare when he turns 18 months and I'm dreading it. I get a knot in my stomach every time I think about it. I want to be a SAHM so bad, it's just not possible for us though. I just feel like it is my resposiblility to raise him. And I feel a lot of anxiety about feeling like someone else is doing it for me. I'm just trying to cherrish these moments that I do get to spend with him. 

mommabird77

Hello and welcome!  I have struggled with this since I had my son 4 years ago.  I would love to be able to be a SAHM, but I can't.  My income is needed in our family.  I miss my kids like crazy most days, but there are days where I am like, I am so glad I get to be away from them for a bit, haha.  Remember that even though you are a working mom, you are STILL raising them.  You are the foundation that provides your child(ren) with love and support and whatever values you want to instill in them.  After doing this for 4 years, I will say it does get easier as time goes on.  My son is independent, goes to preschool and loves his momma with his whole heart.  His favorite people are mommy and daddy.  Me working or not working does not determine that.  Me loving them does.

tera_nichole

I'm sorry. That's not what I meant at all. I was talking about me personally. I'm sorry that I offended you. I have mad respect for EVERY mom, working a job or staying home.

mamma1614

Thank you all so much for sharing all your experiences and thoughts. I appreciate the kind words of advice. I had tears in my eyes reading some of these. I am still a work in progress and trying my best to "shake it off" like I should and think about how I will benefit for my son in the long run. Your support means a lot. It is great to see how many moms out there are so hard working and truly super mommas! Go Mommy power!!! )