HCG Levels *BFP and Possible Loss mentioned*

RositaRae

First off, I know I haven't been actively posting on thebump for very long, so I am breaking the rules mentioning a BFP when I don't have close bumpie friends.  I also apologize if this isn't the right board for the topic.  I wasn't sure where to go and this is the board I have been hanging out in the most.  If you think this topic is suited for a better board, let me know as I couldn't decide what category it fell into.

Brief intro - We have been trying to conceive since July 2013 and I have never been pregnant before.  After treatments of Clomid, a uterine septum diagnosis, surgery, and being benched for recovery, we had our first Letrozole, HCG trigger, TI cycle.  

I thought this cycle was a bust as I took 3 pregnancy tests on my 14 dpo and got faint evap lines for all.  I know they were evap because within the 10 minutes there was nothing.  After the 10 minutes there were clear lines that DH could even see.  I chalked it up to another failed cycle.  Since I was on progesterone tablets, I decided to call the RE to see if I should continue them or not.  I even posted questions about that in a previous post.

The RE said to keep taking them and come in for an HCG blood test just to be sure.  I got my results on Friday and my HCG was a 5 which is on the border of pregnant and non pregnant.  The nurse called with the results and said I am probably having a Chemical Pregnancy and to repeat the HCG test on Monday.

Well Tuesday I looked at my online chart and my HCG was a 56!!!  I was so excited I called my husband.  The nurse then called again and said unfortunately that was still extremely low for how far I should be and I should expect to miscarry.  They ordered another test for this Thursday with a progesterone level added to it.

In my opinion, the fact that it rose over 11 times what it was on Friday is a good sign.  Is there any hope for this bean?  Certain charts I have found online said I am within normal range, but I guess the fact that I started at a 5 was a bad sign for the doctors.  They keep saying "unlikely" and "unfortunately" and it breaks my heart.  Does anyone have a similar experience?  This TTC journey has been a rollercoaster and I finally thought I got good news  I had a cute and creative way to tell my husband when I finally got pregnant, but now that is out the window because I couldn't hold in the fact that I was PG AND it probably wasn't going to make it.  I'm a total mess.  Thanks for reading my long post and listening....

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

To be at a 56 beta on 18DPO is honestly not the kind of number that usually means a healthy pregnancy. I am saying a prayer right now for peace as you deal with this scary waiting time, and for a healthy pregnancy!!

I haven't gone through a loss or possible loss before, but hopefully there are ladies her who have been there and could give you some suggestions. I can't imagine how long each day feels as you're waiting for news. 

(((Hugs))) to you. Perhaps TTCAL and PAIF would be good places to ask for experiences with beta numbers, if it's hard to wait it out?

kushie77

I'm sorry you are going through this and have no clear answers.  I don't really have any advice, but will offer creepy interweb stanger ((hugs))

megrae12

Hey, I am sorry for what you are going through, beta hell is the worst. First off, please do not got to TTCAL with this possible pregnancy. It will not be received well there and I am trying to spare you that. None of those ladies are pregnant. I would talk to PAIF or even PGAL about this. 

Again, I am sorry for what you are going through, I understand. I have been there but had an ectopic. No experience with a chemical, but many ladies on PGAL have. I hope that you are able to get some answers or some good rising numbers. Maybe you just have a slow starter. ((Hugs)) I am wishing you all the best. 

dancerspose

I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this.

I hope you get some better answers soon.

BunnyBerry

kistyW13 said:

I don't have much advice. You can ask the ladies on PgAL or PAIF but please don't go to TTCAL if there is any chance this could be a viable pregnancy. At this point, that is still a possibility. The ladies there will be very welcoming if you do lose this pregnancy, but until then please don't ask them. I really hope your betas continue to rise. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.  (((Hugs))) to you as you wait for more numbers. 

Thank you so much, @kistyW13 , that's what I was thinking of but I suggested the wrong board!!

RositaRae

I am overwhelmed by the kind words and virtual hugs.  Thank you so much for your support.  It is hard because I can't talk about this with friends, family, coworkers as it is too hard.  I burst into tears every time.  It is so reassuring to know there is a community here that is ready to step in with wisdom, beautiful words of encouragement, and prayers for a total stranger.  

My husband is a silent griever, so I have a hard time getting him to open up about his feelings.  

When I went in for my first follie ultrasound, they barely had responded to the letrozole.  My second one had an 18mm follie so I triggered.  Maybe I was slower to respond to the HCG shot too?  I keep holding on to a little piece of hope that the doctors are wrong.

Thanks again for being there for me from afar and I will keep you posted

SND1231

So sorry, I do not have any advice just wanted to say that I have my FX for you!

RositaRae

Update: My HCG rose to 199.2 yesterday. The RE was happy at the rate of increase, but it is still on the low end. We scheduled another lab test for Monday. They said this was good news and I might have a fighting chance! If the numbers rise Monday, they want to schedule an ultrasound.

I bought some dollar store hpts to test for fun. For the past 15 months of pregnancy tests, I never got to see a true positive. I finally got to see one yesterday and I almost didn't believe it!!

elucas2011

I don't have any advice to offer, but wanted to send HUGS your way. I hope your numbers continue to rise and you get more good news Monday. FX

Radiantly

Wow that is exciting update I hope your LO sticks!! Breathe lots of deep oxygen-rich breaths and focus on sending the O2 to your womb.

CandST2014

I had a similar situation. My initial beta was 6. It did go up but was always low and a heartbeat was never detected. I sincerely hope your situation turns out differently than mine. The waiting is the absolute worse. (((Hugs))). It sucks to finally get that BFP and not be able to fully enjoy it.

williegsocks

First, I want to start by saying I am so sorry you're going through this.  Your post reminded too well of my own experience.  

Please know that I only want the best for you and that I am praying that this works out for the absolute best.  I am going to share my experience and be completely honest in my post.  I am in no way trying to hurt you, I just know that when I was going through what I went through I gave myself false hope and it ended up hurting more in the end.

When we got our bfp, I went into the RE that morning and took a blood test.  My hcg was on the low side, so I came in for another hcg test 2 days later.  It rose, but it was still low for how far along I was.  The nurses continuously told me that this was a nonviable pregnancy and was most likely going to end in a miscarriage.  At the time, I was furious that they told me that and wanted to punch each of them in the face as hard as I could.  Now, I realize they were just telling me the facts and were trying to prepare me for what was coming.  The hcg tests and ultrasounds went on for 3 weeks before I finally had to have a D&C due to it not being a healthy pregnancy. 

This was my experience and yours may turn out completely different and I honestly hope and pray it does.  I know how stressful this time is.  It's the absolute worst and most painful time and it feels like the waiting never ends.  Know that I'm here for you and if you ever have any questions or need support I'm happy to give it.  (HUGS)

nikiswimr

I'm sorry you are going through this but glad that your numbers are increasing and hope they continue to double on Monday.  I had a similar situation that did not turn out positively (MMC at 8w1d) but another poster on my birth month board had similarly low numbers and she is still pregnant on that board.  I hope you have a positive outcome ((hugs)).  

RositaRae

I haven't updated until now as I have been going through a really rough time. I started bleeding Saturday with terrible cramps. I knew something was wrong. My beta levels dropped to 187 Monday. Now I am bleeding more heavily and from the hours of reading I have done, I know nobody comes back from this.

Thank you for all the support and kind words. It seems I have been getting the worst luck in all of this TTC journey. I never thought miscarriage would be something that could happen to me, but I have found life does not always go as we planned. It is kind of a relief to not be in limbo anymore. It was making me crazy.

I busted into uncontrollable tears in front of my bosses at work on Monday. Totally embarrassed but at least they are very compassionate. Thanks again for giving me this opportunity to seek answers and advice. You ladies are the best and I hope for baby dust for all of you

LindseyM2012

I'm so, so sorry.

BryelleSullivan

Wishing you the best. When I was preg w my daughter they wanted the numbers to double everyday. So 10 then 20 then 40 then 80 etc.. Hopefully you just implanted late in the game GL!

CandST2014

@Rositarae I'm so, so sorry. Please be easy on yourself for awhile and allow yourself to heal as much as is possible in these situations. 

@bryellesullivan Not to be rude, but I don't think this is an appropriate thread for you to comment on, especially after not reading any updates.  

Ann612

I am so, so sorry you are going through this.

LindseyM2012

@CandST2014 and @hrushka - I'm so glad you two said something. I saw this and had to take myself away from TB for a second to regroup.

@RositaRae - I wish we could just delete the comment from that person. That is NOT what you need right now. I'm so sorry.

@BryelleSullivan - This is not the place for you to "comfort" anybody. Your blatant disregard for reading all comments/updates from OP is not only obvious and tactless, but this is downright rude, offensive and hurtful. I was just blown away by this horrible, half-witted attempt to inject yourself in a community that is not appropriate for you.

megrae12

I am so sorry @RositaRae. Huge ((Hugs)) hun. Take some time for yourself and grieve.

dancerspose

@RositaRae I am so sorry for what you're going through.  Please be extra kind to yourself and take whatever time you need.

I will not even mention the horrible evil troll because she does not deserve my acknowledgement.

DSculley1824

I'm so sorry @RositaRae‌ . I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

nikiswimr

@RositaRae‌ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I recently went through something similar if you ever need to talk.

emmuffy

So sorry for your loss

mshandlebar

I am so very sorry for your loss.

RositaRae

I was thrown off by @BryelleSullivan‌ because she obviously hadn't read my update. I think if she had, she wouldn't have posted that. I appreciate the posters who stood up for me and let her know what's what around here.

My husband has been telling friends and family and that helps. I don't want to pretend to be okay around them but I also don't want to tell them myself. Every time I talk about it I sob.

It's so hard not to dwell and blame myself right now. I wish I had been healthier and stressed less about work. I really hope RE doesn't bench me too long after this. I feel like I lost so much time as it is. I get yet another HCG to confirm the loss today. My arm looks like I shoot up drugs with all the bruises on it.

I should probably move to one of the loss boards, but I do like it here. Thanks again your sympathies and hugs! It has really helped me cope more than you know.