Anyone else having in-law problems?

jenniferurs

Because I'm about to go all Investigation Discovery on mine.

If so, please feel free to tell your horror stories here. Misery loves company

MC03

My MIL was a wonderful woman but she passed 2 weeks before our wedding.

My FIL on the other hand is a class a a**hole so can I join? Right before our wedding he yelled at me and told me I was stealing his son. 6 days pp he told me I was fat and no one in the family liked me because I spoke my mind. He kicked my 9 month pregnant SIL out of his house because he didn't like her (they were living there!). He is rude and judgmental and doesn't care about anyone but himself. And everyone in his family always gives him a pass because "that's just the way he is." I hate it and I hate him.

MandMLeona

Hate's a strong word...but I definitely hate when she is involved in our life. Luckily, that's seldom these days.

She has only a passing relationship with reality. You can't trust anything that comes out of her mouth is true and she makes everything about her. She threatened not to come to our wedding because we didn't want to invite her second cousins. She yelled at me not to pick up my first baby when she cried. She thinks its entertaining to make children cry. Basically she's a toddler.  We won't even discuss her financial woes. Someone is always bailing her out.

So do I qualify?

jenniferurs

Sorry, hate was a strong word. And FIL woes welcome too! Changed the thread title so as to be less harsh and more inclusive.

jenniferurs

The problems my husband and I have with my MIL are never-ending, but in this latest installment of crazy, she tried to convince my husband and I that we should only spend holidays with her family, at the exclusion of my mother. And when we told her that that was unreasonable and that we wouldn't do that, she actually had the audacity to say, "Really? You're going to spend Thanksgiving with the woman who got her daughter raped instead of me?!" (Someone my mom knew raped me 16 years ago.)

So disgusted that this woman would use a traumatic event in my life to try to tip the scales in her favor and monopolize holidays. And then when we get angry with her for saying such a thing, she tells us that we need to have a nicer tone with her and that we should be working towards building a strong family unit with her. I just can't. 

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alisonc87

I feel slightly foolish complaining about my MIL after some of the pieces of work you all have! My MIL is pushy and shows up and calls late at night after we repeatedly asked her not to. If a light is on she figures it is a good time for us. She also has no concept of the fact that I am tired and don't feel like company. She says they want to come over and give me a break, but I exclusively by and have a fussy baby. It isn't a help for them to be here all the time. They think they buy stuff for the baby so we have to make more of an effort (there has always been strings attached any time they have done something for us) and tells everyone in town we don't let them see the baby even though they do so much for her. All they buy is a surplus of clothes she will never wear because she already has so many, I could understand a little more if they were buying things to make our life easier and saving us some money, but they already have 30+ outfits for her for Christmas all in the 3-9 month range (which we ran out of room for already just from clothes we got at the shower). I finally told her not to buy anything else if she is only trying to buy our/DDs time and affection. Both DH and I work full time, and are trying to divide up our time as best we can, regardless of what people buy us. I did spend a lot of time at my grandmother's over maternity leave which ticked off MIL, but that was more for me than DD. All my cousins go every day for lunch because they work in town so it was social time for me (and my aunt who lives there as well cooked us all a big lunch every day )

I think the worst of it is MIL pretty much saying to my DH that I should get over my mom passing away in May already. He tried to explain that the 9 weeks since DDs arrival have been harder for me than right after it happened because at the time I compartmentalized it because I knew 6 months pregnant was not the time to be stressed out. Since I had the baby I am finally really grieving, and DD is a consistent reminder of all the things my mom is missing that she was so looking forward to (this would have been her first grandbaby). She thinks I should get over it, and has been really rotten about the fact that my dad has found a female companion whose husband left her in the spring. It is someone we have known for years, and I am just happy to see my dad not so lonely. The bigger issue is I'm not sure how it is any of her business anyway. She actually said that she doesn't think DD should call her grammie. I said she probably will because she has grandkids as well and DD will probably pick up on it just as her grandkids will with my dad. She then ranted that it should only be grandparents to get called those names and she is also mad that we call my aunt grammie too because all the little ones in my family are her grandkids and it started accidentally out of habit to refer to her as grammie and it just stuck. DH took a stand to her and said our kids will call people whatever we choose and she can just deal.

Anyway, all kind of first world problems, but it feels good to rant a bit

kaitm22

I am so sorry for all you ladies! My IL's majorly suck, but nothing as bad as what you girls are going through.

I am dreading the holidays. I absolutely love this time of year through New Years but ever since getting married I have come to dread it. MIL thinks we should spend all our time with her and her family and no one else. She has not expressed it in so many words, but every year we do the same routine for each holiday, and yet every year she harps on what are you guys doing what are you guys doing. Back off. My grandparents are getting old and if I could I would spend as much time as possible with my families because I want LO to have relationships with them. In addition, my mom is fighting severe Lyme disease and her health is so-so, so we are spending a lot of time with her too. Thanks to MIL we have to go to 3 different places on Christmas day, and that doesn't include Christmas morning at our own house. DH is going to have to put his foot down somehow.

MIL has no interest in DH and I other than that we have now produced a child. That is our only value. She barely knows anything about us and only talks about herself and her other grandchildren, and how hard and busy her life is (she has been unemployed for almost 7 years because she refuses to get a job. explain to me how busy you can be when you know the TV schedule inside and out and never leave your house except maybe once a week). As soon as her other grandkids started getting more mobile they became "too much work" so she doesn't want to babysit them, and when she does she complains about it. Yet at the same time, she has a bedroom in her basement dedicated to them and she wants to get more bunkbeds for when "they all stay over nights at the same time". That will never happen you crazy bat.

DH has developed a lot of resentment for his parents over the years now that he sees how I was raised and what he missed out on by having parents who didn't give two s..ts. He is not in a hurry to spend any time with them now either.

jenniferurs

adventureisoutthere said:

alisonc87 said:

I think the worst of it is MIL pretty much saying to my DH that I should get over my mom passing away in May already. He tried to explain that the 9 weeks since DDs arrival have been harder for me than right after it happened because at the time I compartmentalized it because I knew 6 months pregnant was not the time to be stressed out. Since I had the baby I am finally really grieving, and DD is a consistent reminder of all the things my mom is missing that she was so looking forward to (this would have been her first grandbaby). She thinks I should get over it, and has been really rotten about the fact that my dad has found a female companion whose husband left her in the spring. It is someone we have known for years, and I am just happy to see my dad not so lonely. The bigger issue is I'm not sure how it is any of her business anyway. She actually said that she doesn't think DD should call her grammie. I said she probably will because she has grandkids as well and DD will probably pick up on it just as her grandkids will with my dad. She then ranted that it should only be grandparents to get called those names and she is also mad that we call my aunt grammie too because all the little ones in my family are her grandkids and it started accidentally out of habit to refer to her as grammie and it just stuck. DH took a stand to her and said our kids will call people whatever we choose and she can just deal. Anyway, all kind of first world problems, but it feels good to rant a bit

I'm sorry about your mom @alisonc87‌. While I can't relate that my MIL is horrible like that, I can relate to the passing of a parent. My dad died almost 3 years ago, December 16, less than 6 months before my wedding, and obviously before LO was born, or even a thought. It's been tough since he's been born, because he's the first grandchild as well, and my dad would have been over the moon to be a grandpa. Anyway, just wanted to say sorry about your mom, and i hope you get the time and space you need to grieve.

Ugh, right there with you guys. My dad passed away 2 years ago (October 2012) and it's really difficult being unable to share these major life milestones with him. 

Thoughts with you and your families. 

RachelB104

My MIL isn't involved in ours lives, has never met LO and will never by our choice. She goes from one bad boyfriend to the next. Always needs someone to bail her out then goes right back to the same situation. Has stolen money from us while staying with us and much more. Before DH and I were married I told him that she would never be left alone with our future children. For our wedding we had to by her dress and she was hinting around that she would need $ for her hair and nails. Long story sort of short she was arrested but not charged for drugs blamed it on the new boyfriend although the same happened with the previous boyfriend. DH hasn't spoken to her since. She wasn't invited to the wedding, she wasn't told about the pregnancy or birth of LO. She will never be allowed around LO. We have cut her out of our lives and we don't regret it at all. Life is much more peaceful without her constant drama. I'm telling this story because it sounds like some of you are dealing with these major types of issues and perhaps should set some definite boundaries; maybe not as harsh as ours, but anything to minimize your stress and family tension will be better for LO.

jamielcall

alisonc87 said:

I feel slightly foolish complaining about my MIL after some of the pieces of work you all have! My MIL is pushy and shows up and calls late at night after we repeatedly asked her not to. If a light is on she figures it is a good time for us. She also has no concept of the fact that I am tired and don't feel like company. She says they want to come over and give me a break, but I exclusively by and have a fussy baby. It isn't a help for them to be here all the time. They think they buy stuff for the baby so we have to make more of an effort (there has always been strings attached any time they have done something for us) and tells everyone in town we don't let them see the baby even though they do so much for her. All they buy is a surplus of clothes she will never wear because she already has so many, I could understand a little more if they were buying things to make our life easier and saving us some money, but they already have 30+ outfits for her for Christmas all in the 3-9 month range (which we ran out of room for already just from clothes we got at the shower). I finally told her not to buy anything else if she is only trying to buy our/DDs time and affection. Both DH and I work full time, and are trying to divide up our time as best we can, regardless of what people buy us. I did spend a lot of time at my grandmother's over maternity leave which ticked off MIL, but that was more for me than DD. All my cousins go every day for lunch because they work in town so it was social time for me (and my aunt who lives there as well cooked us all a big lunch every day )

I think the worst of it is MIL pretty much saying to my DH that I should get over my mom passing away in May already. He tried to explain that the 9 weeks since DDs arrival have been harder for me than right after it happened because at the time I compartmentalized it because I knew 6 months pregnant was not the time to be stressed out. Since I had the baby I am finally really grieving, and DD is a consistent reminder of all the things my mom is missing that she was so looking forward to (this would have been her first grandbaby). She thinks I should get over it, and has been really rotten about the fact that my dad has found a female companion whose husband left her in the spring. It is someone we have known for years, and I am just happy to see my dad not so lonely. The bigger issue is I'm not sure how it is any of her business anyway. She actually said that she doesn't think DD should call her grammie. I said she probably will because she has grandkids as well and DD will probably pick up on it just as her grandkids will with my dad. She then ranted that it should only be grandparents to get called those names and she is also mad that we call my aunt grammie too because all the little ones in my family are her grandkids and it started accidentally out of habit to refer to her as grammie and it just stuck. DH took a stand to her and said our kids will call people whatever we choose and she can just deal.

Anyway, all kind of first world problems, but it feels good to rant a bit </blockquote


Oh my gosh i totally understand where your coming from... My mom passed away in February and I was in total denial until lo got here and it finally has hit hard!! I keep having nightmares about it each night trying to save her. My dad also has a new lady friend and it is sooo weird my parents were together for 43 years... Glad he's happy but it still just seems so soon! It the random little things lately I just break down.... Like the stupid little scrub brush I saw at the store... I bought one for her and she loved it. Keep your chin, it's so hard when your support is gone and inlaws are of no help at all!

My inlaws are interesting

Mil- pill popper
Aunt- in jail for drugs
Uncle- homeless living on his car

I could go on and on with stories but I rather keep these people out of mine and lo's life.