Moms of 3+ Tell me the good things

kelly321

So we've talked about how there are benefits of having 2 kids (entertain each other (when they're not fighting), etc). Could you tell me some positives about having 3 compared to 2? I'm on CD3 and trying to talk myself into TTC this cycle. The DDs were cute and sweet with DH yesterday, he said, so I think he's on board at the moment

ericalee27

I thought this might be a BFP announcement.  FX for you, if you forge ahead!

Rynleigh

I never got to have three  I went straight from having two to having four -_- 

For me, the big positive is rooted in how much spacing I have between my kids. Because Aurielle is five years older than Alyce, they got along fabulously for the first three or four years - but Aurielle is entering the teen years and losing patience with Alyce. Adding the boys just before Alyce turned 6 was like creating a new set of friends for her. She now has little ones who enjoy playing with her, where she gets to be the leader. It's nice for the kids to get to trade off if one isn't feeling up to playing or just wants to relax. It's nice to have the two older kids able to occasionally entertain each other while the new ones need changed and fed and things. 

I won't lie - it was MUCH easier in just about every sense before I had the boys.... like every single thing was easier.... but I also had twins instead of just one baby... so that perspective may not be shared by those who had an actual 3rd singleton... but even with all of the struggle and frustration, I didn't feel "complete" with just the two kids. Now I do. I knew I wanted a third, and I wasn't satisfied with only two. While I might be overwhelmed with four and I know it would have been easier if I still had just the two kids, I *do* feel complete now. There hasn't been any yearning or wishing I could have another. I think that reassurance is good - but I think that if you still have that desire for more, you will feel more fulfilled and happier pursuing that choice. 

tamarar5

Once you get past the first couple of weeks of "omg what have I done, I can't handle this," it's pretty great. We're to the point where everyone can interact together, the baby smiles at the olders, and they dote on her. We've resumed a stable sleep pattern, so all is good in Neverland at the moment!

In truth, going from 2 to 3 has been my biggest, hardest change, but that might be more the ages (C was 7 and E only 18 months). But it's also been fun. I'm really enjoying 3 now.

**but the possibility of 4 still strikes panic in me even though I get the little bit of longing every time someone starts talking TTC.**

djm31012

I dont have experience bc we are 1 with 1 on the way, but I am one of 3 and I just love the feel of having 2 older siblings, a bigger family now that we are all married and having our own families and just always company around. Its great. I would love to have 3...DH is pretty stuck on 2, I think for financial reasons. So we shall see.

lbonga1

I'm following this. FI was on board for 3 before DD2 was born, but now he says he doesn't know if he can handle it. He hates the baby stage and crying and whining wears on him quickly, but I'm trying to convince him that it will be a lot easier when they can play together. Right now he just thinks they'll cause chaos together. I'm hoping he'll come around eventually because I don't feel like our family is complete.

wifeofadam

I think having the third baby was easier than having the second, for me at least.  My first two were only 17 months apart.  #2 and #3 were a little over two years apart.  My first two were 3.5 and 2 when I had a newborn and they played marvelously together.  I could sit on the couch and nurse the baby and actually enjoy it while the boys just played and entertained each other.  I remember when I had #2 and I felt guilty sitting and enjoying the baby while my oldest whined for my attention.  I had none of that with the third because they had each other.

Honestly, I think the more the merrier.  With having two you already know what it means to be busy and have your attention divided.  What's the big deal about dividing it a little more?  It's another baby to love on and another sibling for your children.  In the end, that brings so much joy that you forget about being so busy

cinnasugar

djm31012 said:

I dont have experience bc we are 1 with 1 on the way, but I am one of 3 and I just love the feel of having 2 older siblings, a bigger family now that we are all married and having our own families and just always company around. Its great. I would love to have 3...DH is pretty stuck on 2, I think for financial reasons. So we shall see.

Are you me? This is pretty much my thought process exactly.  DH is also pretty much set on two.  I'm on the fence...so we shall see, too.

tamarar5

verovladamir said:

I haven't personally been there, but my mom had six and she swears that the jump from one to two was the hardest of any....

Maybe it's because my first and second were 6 years apart that jump wasn't so hard. People have told me before that children 7 years apart are basically different families/generations. Honestly, 1-2 was easy peasy. C was in private school, and when she came home, she was only too eager to help out.

This time... Not so much. Two babies is kicking me. I've got days when I think, "I've got this, I can do anything, let's have another!" And then there are days like today where I think, "Which one would get the highest bid on eBay...."

Rynleigh

tamarar5 said:

I haven't personally been there, but my mom had six and she swears that the jump from one to two was the hardest of any....

Maybe it's because my first and second were 6 years apart that jump wasn't so hard. People have told me before that children 7 years apart are basically different families/generations. Honestly, 1-2 was easy peasy. C was in private school, and when she came home, she was only too eager to help out. This time... Not so much. Two babies is kicking me. I've got days when I think, "I've got this, I can do anything, let's have another!" And then there are days like today where I think, "Which one would get the highest bid on eBay...."

That was similar to my experience, since my girls were 5 years apart. #2 was super easy... and I expected #3 to be very easy based on that experience, since they would have been about 6yrs younger than #2... but since #3 turned out to be #3 and #4 it became two babies at once and everything was just excessively more difficult. Based on my experiences and what I hear other people say, it really seems a lot more like having multiple babies/toddlers is the difficult transition for most people vs 2nd vs 3rd etc

kelly321

Rynleigh said:

tamarar5 said:

I haven't personally been there, but my mom had six and she swears that the jump from one to two was the hardest of any....

Maybe it's because my first and second were 6 years apart that jump wasn't so hard. People have told me before that children 7 years apart are basically different families/generations. Honestly, 1-2 was easy peasy. C was in private school, and when she came home, she was only too eager to help out. This time... Not so much. Two babies is kicking me. I've got days when I think, "I've got this, I can do anything, let's have another!" And then there are days like today where I think, "Which one would get the highest bid on eBay...."

That was similar to my experience, since my girls were 5 years apart. #2 was super easy... and I expected #3 to be very easy based on that experience, since they would have been about 6yrs younger than #2... but since #3 turned out to be #3 and #4 it became two babies at once and everything was just excessively more difficult. Based on my experiences and what I hear other people say, it really seems a lot more like having multiple babies/toddlers is the difficult transition for most people vs 2nd vs 3rd etc

That is kind of what I was just thinking, too. It seems like if there's a big gap, then adding one isn't too difficult, but adding another baby when one is still only a toddler (or you happen to get twins!) seems like it's the biggest adjustment. Since we had 2u2 the first time, I guess I'll just be hoping and praying that that will prove to have been the most difficult switch for us. Although honestly, I think 0 to 1 was harder for me than 1 to 2. My life changed so completely and utterly when DD1 was born... not so much when DD2 came around except things were crazier.

wifeofadam

I've never had a large age gap between children, so I have no idea what that would be like.  I've always had two in diapers for a while when I have a new baby.  To me anything less than two years in spacing is stressful.  Two years or more is much easier.  But I guess to others maybe anything less than three years or five years would be stressful.  I don't have the experience to know what that's like.