Does anyone feel traumatized by their med-free/natural birth?

sooner1981

I know this is a bit out of the ordinary...but here it goes...

With my older daughter, I had an absolutely perfect birth experience--approximately 9 hours from first contraction to birth.  I got an epidural when I was between a 4-5.  Before that point, I had been slow to dilate.  As soon as I got my epidural, I dilated to a 10 within 2 hours, without feeling any pain.  I could feel every contraction and got my baby out in 3 pushes--all without feeling anything "painful," just pressure.  I could really enjoy my family throughout labor and felt an incredible connection to my husband as we reached the last stages--lots of sweet moments.  I had a minor 2nd degree tear that was repaired without any complications, was walking around the hospital a couple hours after birth.  Walking around the neighborhood the day I got home from the hospital (48 hours after birth).  Breastfeeding went amazingly well. Etc.

Fast forward to my second baby last year.  I started feeling contractions in the morning, and they were super hard and painful almost immediately.  Thought I had some time, like I had last time, so I managed to get our daughter to school before heading to the hospital.  My husband had been on call at a different hospital in town the previous night, so he headed straight over from work.  When I got to the hospital, I asked for an epidural to be put in whenever they got a chance, because I was already in a lot of pain. They checked me and I was between a 4-5.  The anesthesiologist came by after not too long, and placed the epidural.  But the "test" saline apparently didn't go in the right place, so it failed. He tried to place it again, but as I was leaning over, I realized I had to push.  I started pushing (even though the anesthesiologist was telling me I needed to stop because my OB wasn't in the room), but there was nothing I could do to stop it.  I screamed at the doctor, which made me feel miserable.  I lay back down as soon as he pulled the needle out of my back, the nurse ran in, and my husband and our nurse caught my son as I delivered right then.  I felt more pain in that last hour than I have ever felt in my life (and I have had some seriously gnarly sports injuries!)  I felt so out of control--even though I had nothing but positive thoughts and experiences with my first birth.  I had a bad tear, as my son came out so quickly because I literally couldn't control my pushing or back off to avoid tearing--even though he was smaller than my daughter, positioned better, and my second child (all of which should have resulted in less risk of tearing!).  I also broke my tailbone during labor--which has just recently stopped hurting, after almost a year of aching every time I was in the car or sitting in my desk chair at work.  It hurt so bad to deliver the placenta and get stitched up, when I didn't even notice those steps with my daughter, as I was too busy studying her with my husband.  This time around, I feel like I couldn't enjoy my son in the first few minutes, because I was constantly thinking "ow, ow, ow, ow!!!" as they patched me up.  My son was super healthy (just like my daughter), took to breastfeeding, and I had a similarly-quick recovery. 

Now that it has been a year since my son's birth, I thought I would be getting to a place where I would want to start thinking about timing of our third child (that we always wanted to have).  Instead, I get a panicky feeling in my chest and shaky hands just thinking about ever having to go through that crazy level of pain ever again.  If I could know I would have a birth like my first, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  But for me, my "natural" birth was misery.  Anybody experienced this "side" of med-free birthing?  Any suggestions on how to recover mentally from that experience to get in a better place to think about adding to our family again? 

margaritachikita

Fast labors can be super intense. It sounds like your body is just made for birthing! Do you think you got scared and possibly tensed up against the discomfort? Maybe if you are expecting it next time you can go with the flow a little more? How did your tailbone break? Would you consider a home/water birth at all? Sorry you had a bad birth experience!

oliversmommy32912

Fast labors are crazy. My first was four hours and it took me a while to be able to talk about it. I was in hard, active labor from the first contraction and arrived at the hospital at 8cm. I only pushed for 10 to 15 minutes. I had a really extensive second degree tear that took 90 minutes to repair. I was in such shock that I didn't really even want to hold him for the first couple of hours. I felt stupid because it was a perfect birth on paper but it felt like a runaway train and I couldn't get off.

It helped me to talk about it. A lot. I would sit with my husband and just go over what happened step by step. I think it just took some processing. Now, I wouldn't say I look back on it with fond memories, but I know there are definitely much worse stories to have!

My second birth was amazing. I had a home birth and I felt totally in control. It was 18 hours from start to finish. I can tell you now my long labor was ten times easier than my short one! The recovery has been way easier, too, even though I had a second degree tear both times. I think the key was being in control of my surroundings. There was no mad rush to get anywhere. I was surrounded by people I know and love. Even had it been fast again, I think I would still have looked back on it as a totally positive and empowering experience.

stephl3055

I think you have to look at it from the angle of being absolutely unprepared for what happened.  Your second birth was faster and although you had a plan in place, it couldn't be executed.  And it can be scary when something is happening that is out of your control and not going how you imagined.  And I'm guessing that might have made the birth more painful as well.  

Most of us on the NB board spend months researching doulas, labor positions, techniques, and basically anything we can get our hands on that revolves around NB.  I think NB is something you have to prepare for both mentally and physically.  And it takes work long before labor starts.

So I think that's how you approach it.  This was something you weren't expecting and you weren't prepared for what happened.  There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling and I think most would feel the same way if they weren't aiming for a NB.  Given that your 2nd birth was much faster than the first, you want might to discuss going to the hospital immediately with your OB in case your 3rd birth is even faster.  That will allow you to have the time to get your epidural and relax in the hospital.  

Valancyy

My 2nd birth was super fast too.  My body started pushing on it's own and it's a freaky feeling.  I was planning to go med-free anyway, but it's still scary having your body go through that.

My 3rd birth was longer (5 hours total instead of under 3).  I had more control, as I didn't have my body start pushing on its own this time.  It was med-free as well, and very painful at the end, but that's what I wanted (med-free, not pain, lol!)

Each birth is different.  It does sound like you go fast though, so next time you'll know to be prepared that you may not get a chance for an epidural. 

soulcupcake

My longest labor was 3 hours, and legit "labor" with my second was 32 minutes. It was a definite surprise. I was already in the hospital and knew labor would start eventually because we were trying to induce labor, but I was NOT expecting it to happen so quickly. When the contractions started I knew it was the real deal, but wasn't prepared for her to be born when she was. She came very rapidly and no one saw it coming.

(in that situation, I didn't start labor until I was 8 cm. I was 7.5 cm with my first. I progress pretty far before labor decides to finally kick in)

But it didn't compare to the birth of my fourth. We knew to expect a very fast labor, <60 minutes, but we weren't expecting a rapid and spontaneous birth. I didn't "labor" at all. Nothing. Spent the day and night waiting for labor to start (I was 5 cm and 80% effaced for a week, and made it to 6 cm on my own -- similar to my others) 15 minutes before his birth I was on the phone with my mom and noticed a few contractions that were like BH. But they didn't stick around. I was getting discouraged because it didn't seem like anything was going to happen. Other than the intense pelvic floor pressure and frustration, I felt great. I felt good two minutes before his birth when I had just got off the phone with my mom. And then, just like that, I went from 6 cm to birth in one minute. My uterus heaved him out. I could barely move from the shock. My body was shaking.

I wasn't traumatized by the experience, but it did take time to process, because it was just a crazy experience for everyone. My midwife hadn't seen anything like it. I had also planned a waterbirth. My birth tub was ready and three feet away, but there was no way I could have made it. I did envision what the experience would be like, and everything leading up to his birth was laid back and chill. We were just waiting for things to finally kick in. 

I have crazy fast births. I knew that before, but it was still not what I was expected. 3 hours, 1 hour 40 minutes, and even 32 minutes, fine. But that was different. 

emmojess

Wow! What an intense birth! I'm so sorry you felt so out of control. I can't speak on such a short labor. Mine was 28 hours med free. But I was told that the length of labor allows all your ligaments, muscles, and tissues to stretch naturally. Not to mention the emotional & mental preparation. I'm happy to hear your baby handled it so well. But perhaps your baby & body intended such a quick progression because it had to? I would say the universe knew you could handle and overcome this painful experience so it happened that way as it needed to. Maybe next time consider a water birth? That's what I had planned but it was slowing down my contractions so I didn't stay in the tub. Best of luck in your recovery!

LilTiger15

Do Hypnobabies--regardless of a fast or slow labor, it gives you the strength to mentally get past the pain and enjoy the birth, feeling very relaxed.  I did it with my first and will be using it for my second as well.  (I'm 26 weeks)

iris427

Yes.  My third labor was very fast and out of control.  It was scary and excruciatingly painful.  I'm not planning any more kids but if I were, I'd get an epidural for the next one.