WAHM Thread

bridie926

I haven't seen one on here yet. I thought it might be good to get one going. Not sure how many from this group are out there, but I know for me personally, I need some friends who just "get it."

A brief bit about myself: I am a former dancer, now I work for a dance company as a DJ and I also manage the company's custom costume department. All of this I am able to work from my house. I sometimes travel to teach dance and choreography, but most of the time I'm home with LO. Hubby is a real estate agent, so he gets called away at odd times.

Neither one of us make a "steady" income. So childcare comes in the form of the grandmas (when they aren't busy) and me. Most of the time, I have to do a few hours of work after LO goes to bed, which isn't until 10 ish, or before he wakes up at 7 or 8. Hard to stay on top of things during the 9-5 hours most customers assume I work.

I don't think any situation is better or easier than another. SAHM, WAHM, or Working Moms, it's clear everyone has a hard time adjusting. I just didn't see a thread out there for the WAHMs, and just wanted to reach out to anyone having a hard time balancing your lives too.

k2k2tog

Me me me! 

Ok, actually, I'm a student, so not a typical WAHM, but I think it feels a lot the same. I've just made it through a haze of essays and projects and getting LO to nap well and long enough for me to do my work some days is a real challenge. I definitely didn't realize how difficult it would be, and sometimes I really wish I could throw in the towel so I can just enjoy spending the days with her, without having to worry about anything else. 

bridie926

I think the hardest part of it all for me is I am a perfectionist, but I always feel like everything I do is the farthest thing from perfect. I just want everything to be done right and to my full potential, so I never allow myself to just relax. How do people take pressure off themselves??? I want to know how so badly!!

That question may need to be written and remembered for my appointment with my future therapist. Time to hunt one down and give them many of my monies.

bridie926

@sempre_staccato‌ I had a dream last night I went back to school after having LO. It was frightening lol. Props to you for juggling it!

@skamber‌ The odd hours are so rough. Do you have any help most days? I have a hard time figuring out how to enjoy the day's most days because I always feel like something has to get done. Instead of a nanny, maybe I just need to pay someone to clean the house once a week. Probably cheaper and I might relax a bit lol.

jclester614

bridie926 said:

@skamber‌ The odd hours are so rough. Do you have any help most days? I have a hard time figuring out how to enjoy the day's most days because I always feel like something has to get done. Instead of a nanny, maybe I just need to pay someone to clean the house once a week. Probably cheaper and I might relax a bit lol.

Yes, this is totally it! Very frustrating to feel like I'm home, so why can't I take care of the chores? (Because baby and work!) It's hard.

My husband and I run a small business together, so our income depends only on ourselves. Scary! We hired someone FT to take over our office when I was 9 mos pregnant, so I could have a 2 or 3 month maternity leave and only do finances and marketing when I returned. But we had to let her go about a month later bc she wasn't cutting it. So now I'm back to keeping the daily to-do list going as well as catching up on big-picture stuff when I can (read: never). I work PT hours and feel like I am not great at getting back to clients like we used to be.

Mostly, though, I feel the worst about short-changing LO's care because I am trying to get work done during the day. I hate that.

Dharmatron

I work from home as an executive assistant FT 8 am - 5 pm. I also do freelance writing and social media management nights/weekends. I have no help with DD and some days it is ROUGH! I worked in an office for the past six years so it's been a weird adjustment to be home. I get a bit lonely. DH leaves at 5 am and comes home at 5 pm each day.

I try to take each day as it happens. Some days, DD's in a good mood, takes naps, and I get a lot done and other days it's not as good. Overall, I'm really happy that I'm able to be home with her right now because I know I won't WAH forever. Other times I feel guilty that we can't afford for me to focus on nothing but her all day.

izzetoot

Im a WAHM too! Im a wine sales rep and I go out on tasting appointments 2 days a week when I have a nanny come to my house from 12-6.  The other 3 days a week are me juggling work in between nap time and feedings.  Every time the phone rings or I need to make a call and the little guy is asleep I dart into the back room or outside so as to not wake him.  And when he needs to play or needs attentions I have to bounce him in my lap and let him gnaw and drool on my free hand while I'm responding to emails and what not.  Not easy!

My DH recently watched him because I had a trade tasting to go to from 6-10pm and he needed to catch up on some work. When I got home he complained about how he couldn't get anything done. And the baby was asleep by 9! Insert eye roll.

Its a huge pain in the ass when I have to make wine deliveries and deal with accounts that think the world revolves around them.  I just bring the baby with me and walk into the restaurant with him and say theres a delivery in my trunk, come and get it!  Or when accounts gives me grief for not being able to come see them on days when I don't have a nanny.  What am I supposed to do hold the baby while I pour samples of wine for you?  Or you could pay my nanny to come on a third day? Jerks.

Oh and my DH works from 11am to midnight 6 days a week.

nunzchucks

Can this be the WHAM! thread, too?

bridie926

@nunzchucks‌ Official dance of the thread is the Jitterbug.

meritsamomma

I'm on board.
I was working retail in our local surf shop pre-baby but now I'm designing/running the website and handling social media from home.
I also make handmade cards and jewelry which I sell at the shop and on Etsy.
It's definitely a challenge to juggle the baby with time to work but DH and i really want to have me home with K so we're doing what we can to make it work.
Hoping it gets easier as she grows and can entertain herself for longer spells. I've been loving the ability to finish a project after she wakes up and she's content to be in her crib for a bit. I consider myself so lucky to have this time with her though!

izzetoot

amoot890 said:

@izzetoot I love wine. This sounds like an awesome job! Aside from the juggling baby part.. but still! Wine! All the time! I would be such a lush.

Yes, all the bitching aside I do LOVE my job.  I worked as a Sommelier for about 7 years before trading in the restaurant schedule for this WFH gig! And I love my portfolio because its small and boutique.  I get to meet winemakers all the time and my boss wants to send me to CA in January to visit some of the wineries in our book.  And there's always left over samples for me to bring home.  I call it 'research and development'

bridie926

It's good to meet all of you!!

Hubs and I got into quite the battle last night. Long story short, our communication skills have been lacking on both ends. He feels like he's the provider financially, so he relaxes on weekends. Which he totally deserves. But I end up working in some capacity all day everyday. Whether it's my job that doesn't pay half as much (but honestly requires more time than his) or entertaining LO. I'm getting frustrated because I just want to sit down. Read a book or magazine. Open a bottle of wine. God forbid, take a shower. I've been feeling like he doesn't see me and recognize that I need a hand. Not even with chores or work. Just pour me a glass of wine Cuz it's something to show you care. Anything to show you care.

We worked through. Hopefully itll be better for at least a week lol. We'll see.

Anyways, while I was sobbing in LO's room, hiding from the fight, I found this great article about coping with changes after baby. Hits home in a lot of ways. I hope it helps other momma's out there.

https://marriagemissions.com/coping-with-change-after-your-first-baby-is-born/

jclester614

@bridie926‌ Sounds exactly like how I feel, though I haven't hashed it out with my H yet. I'll have to check out the link - thanks for sharing!

I think it's also hard to remember how hard wired we women are to care for others, including your LO. It's not the same for men, I think they need more encouragement and reminders to help them grow in this area -- which they totally can! (And I speak in general terms, because of course not all men / women fall neatly into gender "norms.")

bridie926

@jclester614‌ That's what my husband said when we hashed it out. Something along the lines of "I know I need to do better at being present and in the moment enough to see that you need help. But sometimes I need you to tell me what needs to be done. I need direction." Poor guys. I tell you what...motherhood has further enlightened me on the wonder powers and strength of women. No one can carry as much weight and responsibility like a woman lol.

izzetoot

So,  I was away from LO today for 10 hrs Dang, that was super hard! Now I'm home and he's asleep and I want so badly to just hold him but he's snoozing away. When I'm home I just want him to sleep! My DH usually takes the 3 am feeding but i'm claiming it tonight bc i miss him! Props to the moms that spend 8+ hrs a day away from their angels! We as WAHM are so lucky to have this time with our littles

jclester614

bridie926 said:

@jclester614‌ That's what my husband said when we hashed it out. Something along the lines of "I know I need to do better at being present and in the moment enough to see that you need help. But sometimes I need you to tell me what needs to be done. I need direction." Poor guys. I tell you what...motherhood has further enlightened me on the wonder powers and strength of women. No one can carry as much weight and responsibility like a woman lol.

@bridie926‌ How wonderful your H recognizes this in himself! Sounds like it was a productive convo. I hope things have been better for you guys after talking!

bridie926

@izzetoot‌ I don't know how they do it either. You're so right. Even though it is stressful to the max and there's no way to have a real good routine, working from home at least allows me to drop whatever I'm doing and hold LO at a moments notice. That outweighs any work stress for me.

@jclester614‌ He has been great actually. I knew I married him for a reason:) I got nervous. He can be pretty hard headed at times. But he seems genuinely concerned about being a good husband and father and is making a huge effort. He deserves many mushy praises for that! I actually shared that article with my husband. I think sometimes it helps us to read outside information. I hope you and your fella get through the rough patches. I feel, as a FTM, that I never knew how hard having a baby is on a marriage. I feel like THATS the class they should offer at hospitals when you're pregnant haha!