I have deleted. Sister is pregnant... she let me find out in a horrible way. Serious vent.

sillygirlio

Hello, I am deleting my post as I would not want my sister to somehow come upon it by accident.  I'm sure if she did she would know it was about her!    Thank you everyone for the kind words and for gently allowing me to be where I no longer belong.  I wish you all the best of luck!

Justone13

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have been through some tough times. Normally if you are going to vent about something you give a more gentile warning. Like "venting, bfp mentioned not mine". Your title is a bit harsh. I can see that you want to vent which is understandable but an intro or re intro is normally a good idea. Best of luck.

sillygirlio

Well, my title was harsh because the subject is harsh!    She was whining about her "condition" on Facebook tonight so she is now hidden.  I was angry very when I posted.  I edited, I hope it's more appropriate.

jnissa

You always have a right to feel whatever emotions you're feeling. But in order to move past it (which you really need to do), I'd encourage you to think about it from your sister's perspective. I'm sure the joy of being pregnant and the sadness of losing your father meant that she wasn't thinking all of her decisions through. It's possible that the Facebook announcement was more of a way for her to focus on something happy during a sad time - and all of us who have dealt with fertility issues know that friends and family who get a BFP are often gunshy about saying anything to us. 

It sounds like it was a very emotionally challenging time for everybody and already a tough thing to balance. It's unfortunate that you found out that way, possibly inconsiderate of her but it doesn't seem like she was intentionally trying to hurt you. In fact, she may have been trying to protect you by telling you at that time and it just backfired. It just sounds like you guys really need to talk it out in a non emotionally charged way. 

IfMamaAintHappy

I am not one to judge, but did I read your post right that this was your sisters 4th pregnancy? If so, I'm kind of lost as to why it caught you off guard that she is having more children and why she should be hiding it from you (or anyone). If it were her first and she knew you have been struggling to also have your first, I could see the tiptoeing. But she has 3 kids already. I do get the timing issue with your father's passing (I watched my grandfather take his last breath in hospice in June in between miscarriages 3 & 4 so I get the fraught emotional part of it for you- I would have been disgusted to discover if any family member of mine was posting happy go lucky crap on facebook those last few days), but agree with pp that the situation may have clouded judgment. I'm also suspecting you have a long history of issues with your sister and this was just salt in the wound.

Sha259

Definitely understandable that you might feel a certain way, and I can see that you took the passing of your Father very hard. My condolences. Maybe you just need to give yourself some time to heal? 

I have been lapped by many friends and family. Usually I can get past it, but recently I had a friend announce her 3rd on FB and I lost it. But I wasn't mad at her, just the situation I find myself in.

I hope that you can soon separate your anger at IF from your feelings about your sister's pregnancy.

Emren

sillygirlio: Really sorry to hear about your loss and what happened with your sister. It sounds like this is an emotionally hard time for everyone involved. With all the feelings you have toward her, have you though about talking with a counselor? 

((Hugs and Love))

Emren0316 

pblge

***PAIF response***

I have a horrid SIL, and I can relate to this somewhat. It's a very different situation, but I agree that it's not very "sisterly" to plan to not say a damn thing to you about being pregnant until you mentioned it. WTH is that?! It sounds like she knew it would make you uncomfortable, and decided that that was your problem, not hers, which I think is uncool and insensitive. I agree that it was probably a difficult time for her, being newly pregnant with three little ones and a very sick father, but telling the whole world before she tells you is not okay. It sounds like it's a good time for you to think about what you want out of the relationship and what are reasonable expectations. It's been very sad for me, but I've given up on anything from my brother and SIL except for obligatory gifts and phone calls at holidays and birthdays. I wish it could be different, but that's not who they are, and it never will be. If you want to be closer with your sister, find a time to calmly discuss this with her and tell her how it made you feel. It is possible that this baby thing seems so "old hat" to her that she hardly considers it news, but that doesn't explain her decision to not mention it to you at all. I also think it's totally crazy to announce to FB that you're pregnant while your father is on his deathbed, but maybe she had her reasons.

I'm sorry for your loss and for your difficult family situation. I'm also sorry that you're now living CFNBC. I hope that you can find healing from all you've been through. ((hugs))

KM721

Wow. I am so sorry for both things. I had a similar experience back in 2013 with my father's passing from stage 4 pancreatic cancer only 4 months after being diagnosed, so I have to first say I am so sorry for your loss.  

You say this happened in August which is only a couple of months ago. We were unaware of our infertility at the time of my dad's death and certainly didn't have any such dramatic experience on top of the awfulness of watching my dad die. However, I had some very rough times with my brothers surrounding his death. Even little arguments grew to be big, painful things that stuck with me for months afterward. I can tell you from experience that you will feel differently in 6 months, and a year etc. about BOTH issues. It took me a while to get over the rift I felt was formed by the interactions we had (arguments, all living under my dad's roof for the first time since the late 90s, etc). And, the grief over my dad's passing didn't start to lose its sting until over a year later. I hate that this is the answer, but I think it will just take time. 

That said, I also totally validate your feelings about your sister's pregnancy--whether it was her first or fourth, it is still certainly painful, and the Facebook thing is especially low. 

I really feel for you on both issues and will be sending good thoughts your way. 

sillygirlio

Hello everyone, thank you for the kind responses.  I'm not seething today.

There was more to this message, but I deleted it to protect my sister's feelings should she ever happen upon this post.  I kept the "Thank You" because I really really mean it.  You've all been very supportive.

sillygirlio

I'm feeling much better having spoken about this.  Thank you.

fjamil1

@sillygirlio, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't relate but wanted to say, your sister should have told you when she told everyone, and posted on FB. 

ashleyat87

My sil is pregnant but didn't tell us. We found out on facebook. My oldest sis is pregnant with her 3rd. I took it rough because it was an "accident" as she told us... so her delivery method of the news was upsetting. She's due soon and I'm way past upset and now excited for her. My younger sis told me she's pregnant just a few days ago. She's had a rough past with losses (full term loss and worse, her 20 month old passed from sids). I'm very happy for her good news. She's very deserving. Ontop of family pregnancies, just about every other woman I know is pregnant or has lots of kids. I'm odd man out. But I'm also getting used to it. I feel for ya but you still need to be happy for other people. Hopefully everyone's time will come. Hang in there!