NPR: MIL is really depressed and we dont know how to help her. Any suggestions?

JCM285

This was really out of left field and nobody (including my MIL) really understands why she suddenly is experiencing depression. Usually she is really bubbly, but she said she started feeling "not herself" over the past month and its been getting worse. At first she was just feeling down, but now she is crying every day before going to work and cancelling/not making plans with people because she doesnt want to see anyone. It couldn't come at a worse time, because she LOVES babies and it would be a shame if she wasn't able to really enjoy the birth of her first (and possibly only) grandbaby. I am hoping the opposite happens and our baby is able to cheer her up, but I just don't know. So far, she's been going to her regular doctor to get bloodwork done to rule out a chemical imbalance. I suggestly nicely that maybe she should see a psychologist but she doesn't seem too interested. Has anyone dealt with this before from a loved one? We are worried about her and if it gets worse we may have to do something whether she agrees to it or not. Thanks to everyone who read this ridiculously long post.

mgk207

Definitely a tough time for these things to be coming up. I have not experienced this exact scenario, but I am a therapist, and would encourage you to continue to suggest that she talk with someone. If she's never been to therapy before, she may need a little information about what it means (I.e. You don't have to be "crazy" or in crisis to see a therapist; some therapies are short-term; a good therapist will be what she needs, and won't force her to talk about anything she doesn't want to talk about, etc.) Maybe offer to go with her for the first appointment, if that would make her more comfortable. If she flat out refuses to go, your options may be limited, especially since you are likely experiencing your own anxiety and ups and downs of pregnancy (maybe I should just speak for myself here, and not assume anything, but I'd have a hard time being totally present for her right now). Maybe when when gets some information back from her doctor, that will help. More than likely, he/she will also make a referral to a therapist, and perhaps hearing it from more than one person might make a difference. Good luck, and I hope things improve soon!

BrainCellSup

I've had this issue in my family and though in the end it is her choice to make and a decision she needs to arrive at on her own, gentle and consistent encouragement from the people she trusts and loves can't hurt in terms of getting her to go see a therapist. I hope she finds support either through a therapist or medication that works to help her improve--I think it is a positive thing that she seems to recognize that there has been a change in her demeanor, and from what you say she at least seems to get that she's not been herself lately. Just remind her how much you love her and be there for her; it sounds like she has a great family behind her!

JCM285

Thanks ladies!! I really appreciate your input and I didnt even think about the fact that the regular doctor might refer her to a therapist @mgk207‌. That is a really good point. I will try to encourage her and make sure she feels supported. Yes it has been somewhat hard to be there for her but mainly because DH and I are so busy getting ready. Also my FIL has his own hardships because he has MS and she is kind of bringing him down which is another problem, but we have to start with her. Thanks again :-)

weezy29

Has she tried taking an anti-depressant. Even a low dose? There isn't always a reason for depression, sometimes it just IS!

My mom sees a therapist but if she isn't on an anti depressant as well, she doesn't see the progress in her mood that she needs. It isn't always long term but it would be a good place to start. I know there can be a stigma attached to them but when needed, they help tremendously and there is no shame in that at all!!

Cheekers2010

It sounds like a therapist might be a huge help to her.  Since the depression came out of no where, it really sounds like she has some sort of imbalance going on.  I hope the doctor can help her figure out what's up.

bowlwoman

Could it be menopause? My MIL had a chemical imbalance brought on by the hormonal changes, and she was on Zoloft for a couple of years.

ebilbao

I also wonder if it's menopause. It can really cause mood changes-my Mom was in a funk for five years. Luckily, she is great now, but omg, the menopause years were the worst.

mlee116

My MIL has had depression issues for years and after seeing the affect it can have, I do not take it lightly.  Her issues started right before our son was born and like you said, she wasn't able to enjoy a lot of his first year because she was so out of it and not herself.

My advice is to encourage her to see a psychologist, therapist, or find another doctor if she has to.  I would also suggest having someone go with her to appointments or at least make sure she is going to them and doing what she needs to do.  Like PPs said, it could be menopause or it could be something worse, but she won't know or be able to make it better until she gets some answers.

My MIL would not address the issue and my FIL did nothing to try and help her.  DH and I had to step in because it got really, really bad.  She ended up having a psychotic break and had to be hospitalized.  It's been a really difficult process for our family.  My intention is not to scare you but I do want to emphasize the importance of how serious depression can be because I really believe that a lot of the issues my MIL had could have been avoided had she seen a doctor earlier.

JCM285

Thanks everyone for your insight!! MIL had gone through menopause some years ago. Not sure what the exact timeline was but DH and I were not married yet when it started so that's at least three years ago. @mlee116‌ thanks for sharing your experience. This is exactly what we don't want to happen. Since MIL hasn't agreed to a psychologist it hasn't been easy to get her help. For now I can keep suggesting it but if things get worse (like she stops eating god forbid) I think we will need to insist she sees someone. I actually know of a therapist in her area because I saw him many years ago for anxiety and could easily look him up again. I am really hoping she can see someone/take something to at least ease her depression.

mlee116

JCM285 said:

Thanks everyone for your insight!! MIL had gone through menopause some years ago. Not sure what the exact timeline was but DH and I were not married yet when it started so that's at least three years ago. @mlee116‌ thanks for sharing your experience. This is exactly what we don't want to happen. Since MIL hasn't agreed to a psychologist it hasn't been easy to get her help. For now I can keep suggesting it but if things get worse (like she stops eating god forbid) I think we will need to insist she sees someone. I actually know of a therapist in her area because I saw him many years ago for anxiety and could easily look him up again. I am really hoping she can see someone/take something to at least ease her depression.

One of the biggest red flags to us was that MIL did quit eating and sleeping.  If she refuses to see anyone and starts acting off/disoriented/not like herself or does anything else you are worried about, you can take her to the ER. That's how we got the ball rolling with MIL...The ER doctor saw how disoriented she was and suggested she be monitored and stabilized.  Hopefully you won't have to resort to that, but its good to know that resource is there.

I'm so sorry you all are dealing with this.  I know how hard it is

Noodlesandrice

I'm sorry you are going through this, is it your MIL's first grandchild? While it is def a happy occasion, it is also a lot of change and might bring up the idea of aging and her own mortality. That's always something hard to grapple with, or I could be way off and it is something totally different.

I agree with all of the PP's, keep trying to get her to agree to see a therapist. I'm sorry you and your family is going through this, I hope she feels better soon.

JCM285

Thank you everyone. I will definitely go with her to the ER if its necessary @mlee116‌. Unfortunately we live about 40 mins away but if it were an emergency we would obviously try to get there ASAP since FIL can't drive. Thanks again for the advice!! @Noodlesandrice‌ you might be right about that. Its her first grandbaby (DH and I are both only children) so she might be feeling older but she is still a relatively young grandma since she is only 59. She also looks a lot younger than she is so I'm not sure if she is feeling older or what is going on, but that is a possibility.