Yet Another MOM Drowning Post

4legsRbest

My twins are 5 weeks and I am drowning. My MIL is coming back in town for another week and a half long visit and I have a mother's helper 2 days a week for a few hours plus my mom helps some during the day but I still can't keep it together most days. I feel like everyone cries all the time unless I am nursing them when I am alone. And they do nothing but nurse! No one will nap at the same time either. We also have a 22 month old DS who is awesome, but a wild man but he's in daycare. I know I have it good compared to some but I guess I just needed to vent. How do you all hold your sh!t together??

When does the light at the end of the tunnel come?? I'm already wanting to go back to work and that makes me feel like crap

kmw722

I'm sorry - I feel your pain! I hate to tell you, but my twins are 5 months and I still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have a 3yo ds too and he's only in preschool two mornings a week. When I'm alone with all 3 I really feel like I can't handle it and I don't know when I'll be able to, which is sad and scary. I hope someone else has some insight. HUGS!

4legsRbest

Oh gosh! I'm scared Hugs back at you @kmw722 !

JennMarie1

I'm not there yet so I have no real advice but I got some from a coworker today and it kind of applies.  She told me that I just have to make it through the first 6 weeks and I'll be ok, that the first 6 weeks are the hardest but after that you get a handle on it.  If that's true you have only 1 week to go!  She also told me to accept any help that's offered and to let people know you want help.  Don't feel bad to hit up your support network, I'm sure they'd be happy to come by and help in any way they can.  Good luck!!!

carrotcake06

Take it one day at a time. One week at a time. One month at a time. It does get better.

My oldest was 3y2m when the twins were born, so a bit older. He was also in daycare. It was very hard for a while to have all 3 by myself especially if I had to tandem BF in that window. We allowed a lot of screen time. A lot. More than I liked, but I didn't trust him left to his own devices while I had a baby on each boob.

It got incrementally better every 3 mo. Seriously. And since they turned a year, it's been (relatively) smooth sailing. Either that or I've been so normalized to the chaos I don't even notice it anymore. Prob a bit of both

The beginning is really hard. I'd call my sister a lot to have to come and hold a baby for a few hours. The best was actually having people come and play w my oldest since I felt like he was getting the shaft attention-wise.

This too shall pass and will soon be a distant memory and no one will any worse for the wear. I think that's a record for idioms in one sentence, btw.

LittleLady77

It's so hard in the beginning. So so hard. For us 6 weeks was a small turning point, that's when they started giving us a 5-6 hour stretch at night. At 3 months it got a little easier too. Now at 6 months I feel like I have this down pat. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there.

4legsRbest

Oh God, thank you all so much. I Am Crying As I read this. You are all so kind to respond. I am printing this off today and putting it on my fridge to remind me that this too shall pass (my DH is well aware of my bump obsession and how I think you ladies are the holy grail on pregnancy and parenting).

I am tandem feeding but sometimes when I have to wake and rouse one baby who isn't as hungry, he seems to not eat well so he's back up an hour and a half later and the schedule gets off. I am trying to utilize the swings and bouncers as much as I can but when they cry in them I get frustrated. I need to work on my patience.

I just cant image how I will ever survive this but I know we will and that my 3 boys who will be 21 months apart will the the very best friends!

Just.got.to.push.through! I know we don't really know each other but you have all been instrumental in helping me through my pregnancy and navigating these insane twinfant waters. Hugs!

diz1313

My twins haven't been born yet, but my singleton was a horrible challenge. He had colic so bad that he screamed most of the day, it didn't matter what we tried (Happiest Baby on the Block worked best but still not completely) he just screamed. My suggestion.... earplugs. I's not saying put in earplugs and ignoring your children..... but wearing earplugs while they are on a crying/screaming jag that you can't do anything about. It takes the edge off of the sound and makes it not so frantic making.

Ylvelill

As everyone else has said, it will get better. Best advise I have gotten is take any help you can get and don't forget to take time for you and your husband. It really helps me after a hard day with my 4 month olds to just cuddle for a while with him.

I am still waiting for it to get easier too and I don't any other kids. My hats off to you ladies who handle 3 at home!

ballygirl

Hang in there mama - it will get better. I felt exactly the same way. I had a lot of help from my mother, a hired helper, but I was a DISASTER for several months.  My girls were screamers too.  So. Much. Crying, it was awful, those double meltdowns were terrible at that age.  I spent a good part of those first 3 months crying along with them and developed major anxiety about bedtime.  They were terrible sleepers, terrible nappers. At night I never got more than 2 consecutive hours out of them. They would take 4 half hour naps a day, there was no way to get their schedules in synch with naps that short and I never knew if I was coming or going. Things started to turn the corner for me around 4-6 months. Around then, it became much easier to sooth them when they were both upset.  I could hold one and sing or talk to the other one or distract them with a toy. 

Their naps also started to settle into a more predictable pattern at 5ish months, and that was when I was able to start getting their schedules in synch.  It took awhile though - it was much more difficult than other MOMs made it sound, so don't get discouraged if you are having trouble with that, I think it just can take awhile with some babies.

 

I also recommend earplugs during the screamfests.  These were a lifesaver when I discovered these. You can still hear them and tend to them, but it takes the edge off.  Baby screaming really sets me off into a panic and I would get so upset myself, that it was impossible to calm them if I myself, was freaking out too.

 

Good luck hun!  I will tell you that we just passed the 1 year mark and we are having a lot of fun now, so good times are ahead for you!

 

 

pillowass

Awesome advice in this thread! I will just add that the thing that kept me sane during those early months was to get out for a walk when my DH got home from work. I would leave the house no matter what hell was breaking loose and be gone for 45 minutes-1 hour, rain or shine. I listened to podcasts, called my girlfriends, or just enjoyed being out of earshot of the screaming for a little while. 

I think it got a little easier around 5 months. At that point we started a little sleep training and it has gotten gradually easier ever since.  Also, I went back to work at 4 months and I was VERY happy to go back. Now that they are older and more interactive, I feel more of a heart tug leaving them every day. But not so much in the beginning!

Hang in there!!

CaliCarly77

IT GETS WAY BETTER!!!!

week 5 I seriously thought I was just going to leave and not come back. 

It gets a little better each week. 

3 months is way better, all of a sudden there is routine and pattern and its amazing

6 months they sit up and play and you can DO STUFF while they play

I'm at 9 months and now I can even just leave a little bowl of puffs and they play while I make dinner. Its SO MUCH better. 

Lyndsey13

This thread brought back a lot of memories. Have you tried walks or car rides? My girls liked to either be in the stroller or in the ergo and I could get at least 30 minutes of peace that way. I didn't even have to walk very fast, it could be very slow and leisurely. Or we'd go in the car. They usually would fall right to sleep in the car. I know now at 2, they like car rides and their DVD player keeps their attention for at least 45 minutes. Maybe all 3 of your kids would be okay going on a 45 minute car ride?

I think the hardest part about that age is the fact that most of my day was spent in my recliner. I was either nursing or holding sleeping babies or doing both at the same time. It was so frustrating to look around at my filthy house and just sit there, or to know that I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth and it was 3 o'clock. I would have fleeting thoughts of just running away. I would never do that but it definitely crossed my mind.

I promise it will get better. You just have to ride through this any way you can.

legaleagles

Oh sweetie...I was there...I didn't even make it 5 weeks before I posted that I was drowning. I made it 2 weeks. And someone told me that before I knew it, I'd be back here posting words of encouragement to someone else. I hope I can do that.

It gets better. It will still be hard, but it gets better. My boys will be 6 months tomorrow. They are getting close to sitting up on their own and they will play in their bouncers for a while. SOmetimes I put them in their high chairs and roll them into the bathroom while I get ready. It's still hard, but so much better.

Right now all those babies do is take - they can't give anything back yet. In a week or two they will start to smile...and that will help. Then they'll start to coo and babble...and that will help. And then they wont want to nurse all day every day...and that will help.

one day at a time. You can do it. Accept every single offer of help (I still do).


xoxo...it's especially hard with a toddler in the mix too. Just keep swimming.

xtina78

you've gotten a lot of great advice, and I just wanted to add my two cents. You're doing a great job and it is so so hard. My girls are ten weeks (I don't have other children - it must be so much harder if you do!) and I wanted to tell you it has gotten a lot better over the last two weeks - routines have been emerging, they've gotten a lot better at breastfeeding (faster, was able to wean nipple shields). One of the things that has helped me the most is baby wearing - if one twin doesn't go down for their nap (usually the same one) I will put them in a ring sling or a woven wrap (or my husband uses an ergo) and I can get some stuff done - even vacuum. I will also go for a walk with one in the wrap and one in a single stroller. If you're interested in baby wearing I would start by seeing if you have a local group with a lending library - they will help you get started and let you borrow stuff to see what you like best. Mine was really helpful and welcoming. If you don't have a local group - there are many Facebook groups about baby wearing and I've been able to learn a lot from those. I don't have the skills yet to wear both at the same time - but even wearing one has been really helpful. 

EmmaSF

I am expecting twins in the spring and this thread has been so reassuring. I have an almost 4 year old DS already but he is in school full time so I will be home with the babies alone and I have been dreading how hard it is going to be. It is so great to hear the honest yet reassuring advise here. Thanks so much ladies!

java1982

Just.keep.swimming.
I can barely remember those first 4 months because all I did was sit around and hold babies all day long. I felt useless and I pretty much lost my mind some days. However I'm here today as my almost 11 month old boys (how the heck are they that old already?!?) are fast asleep and I can't believe how fast time has flown. Take a deep breath, cherish the cuddles when you can, and remember that in 10 months you'll be sitting in my shoes patting yourself on the back because you did it. And you did it well. Very well. Every day gets a little better and once they can establish a schedule you will be able to breath a sigh of relief. Remember that God hand picks moms of multiples because he knows we are the strongest. Hang in there momma...there are such GREAT times ahead!

Wishing35

Everyone has given great advice,just wanted to add that your hormones are still adjusting and coupled with the lack of sleep this can make you feel ten times worse! Remember to eat, take vitamins, and if you can get in a quick walk every day in the sun that helped me a lot! Yes sometimes five minutes into the walk they would start screaming but as long as I knew they were fed and had a clean diaper why not let them scream outside instead of in the house? Most if the time just bringing them outside would calm them down and even now at 14 months it still works for my girls.

Odebdo

My twins are 5 months old now, though I do not have any other kids...so just adding...please take the time to get away for half an hour or whatever it is...that was my downfall, to not get out for just a bit to just be ME.  And then it makes it SO much harder to deal with all their needs and them taking...my husband was so supportive of me getting away for a walk, or to shop or anything, as he said he could see me more energized when I came back...but as a Momma I was not good about carving that time out for myself...

It does get better...I pumped exclusively which made it easier to not be feeding constantly...and mine came home on a NICU 3 hour schedule, but at least it was predictable...

Hang in there, and know it won't be but a blink of the eye before you are looking back wondering where the time went!