I think I broke my baby.

LunaBug924

DD is 5 1/2 months old and has always been a shitty napper. I've posted about this before. Basically we fell into "accidental parenting" by putting her down for naps in the swing. Now that's the only place she'll nap. She's a great sleeper at night; goes into her crib somewhat awake after her bottle and sleeps 11 hours straight. If she does wake in the MOTN, she "talks" to herself and falls back to sleep. Until tonight.

I decided today to try to start breaking the swing habit and was determined to get her down for just one nap in her crib. I didn't do a full blown CIO, but it was along the lines of the Ferber method. Each time she cried I would increase the length of time before I went back in. By the time I got to the 15 minute interval, she was inconsolable. It resulted in no nap from noon till around 3:30 when I finally gave in and put her in the swing. Even then, she only slept for 15 minutes before she woke up screaming.

For the rest of the day, she cried whenever I put her down, but was fussy while I held her too. She nursed pretty much on her normal schedule. I offered a whole bunch of times, but I don't think we're in a growth spurt. The evening got a little better. I did her bath and bedtime routine as normal and she was fine. Gave her her bedtime bottle and laid her down. You would think I was putting her in a pot of boiling water the way she screamed. And she continued to scream like that for an hour no matter what I did. I finally stripped her down (she was sweating from crying) stuck her in the swing on full blast with the vibrating seat on, and just held my hand on her leg. She cried for a few more minutes and then her head literally just dropped mid cry and she was out. I've never felt so helpless.

So here's where I'm having a hard time with some serious mom guilt. I feel like an idiot trying to fix the nap thing at the same time as trying foods, which we've done in the past week. I also think teething might be a possibility. So basically I have no way of knowing whether something is really wrong with her, or if my attempt at a little sleep training made her lose trust in me putting her down and I've ruined our night time routine. Either way, I feel awful after listening to her cry so much. And even worse that by the end of the night she was literally fighting against me holding her (she's kind of always been that way, though. NOT a cuddler)

Tomorrow I'm going back to our usual routine and I think I'm going to stop the solids for a few days to reset. I'm going to read up on some no-cry sleep solutions and maybe just wait a few more weeks before attempting anything. In the meantime, I just hope that she sleeps tonight and tomorrow is a better day. Poor baby.

Signed, a mama who feels like she may have just commited the ultimate mom-fail.

jpbling

Awwww don't beat yourself up Mama! You are doing great - the fact that you're worried about it confirms that! Good luck with the swing sleep issue! Mine has been too big for his swing for a while. I have a 5 month old that weighs 26 pounds and THAT is the source of my guilt! The doctor tells me he's too big. We're all doing the best we can and the fact that we're on this board shows that we care and want the best for our littles! 

jenb_99

Eh. You didn't break her. At this age [most of] our goofs don't cause permanent damage. Babies are weird and confusing and frustrating, but they're also resilient and very forgiving.

And hey, if we do totally screw them up, there are plenty of great therapists who will appreciate that down the road.

LunaBug924

Thanks @jenb_99‌ that's the reality check I need. I'm laying here feeling like I need to apologize and make it up to her somehow tomorrow, which is silly. It just absolutely terrifies me to think that I've screwed up our nights when they've been so good. Imagining how I'm ever going to get her back on track is giving me insomnia. And on the other hand, I feel horrible that I didn't consider that something else could have been bothering her all day and messing with her sleep. Ugh, this is haaard!

hbird0723

I did this same thing for naps a couple times out of frustration and she went through a period of being really clingy. But then hints went back to normal. Also she never seemed to hold it against me. I decided she's just not ready and does much better at night too. For whatever reason she just has a hard time going to sleep on her own for naps and needs extra help. I've decided not to fight it and just focus on her clocking the hours she needs during the day. I felt awful just like you and cried when I held her and ended up rocking her anyway. It's so hard and you feel awful for it but my husband said babe you're just doing what you think is right for her and trying things out so that she gets what she needs. You can't beat yourself up about it. Like pp said you're doing great and you didn't break her she will not even remember tomorrow at least that's what my husband told me. She was all smiles after so hopefully she'll be the same for you tomorrow!

momthatlifts

Well you're not alone so please don't dwell on something like letting her cry longer than usual. I have done this several times too and I have felt bad for letting her cry and not solving anything. There have been plenty of times where I wondered if something else was wrong and I just ignored her cues and cries. I know the feeling! But we are human and this is only human nature. My dd would only sleep in her swing forever. Getting her back down was a nightmare and I finally just accepted that that was where she liked to sleep and that's where I let her sleep. I stayed at my moms for 5 days and when we came back, she was broken of that habit and instantly fell asleep in her pnp. It took practice getting her to sttn. I also had to go back and forth to her for several nights for a good hour before giving in and putting her in her swing or she eventually fell asleep. One night, I did this about 3 times and just decided I was going to go take a shower. I needed to breathe...When I got out, which was probably about 5 minutes long, she was sound asleep. The same thing the next night. Since then she has learned to put herself to sleep. I still have rough nights. I had one tonight. But like I said, just took practice and a lot of hope. Just FYI, she slept in her swing every night for about 2 months. If it wasn't for my mom and her patience, she probably would still be sleeping in her swing. I think you going in there to comfort her is a good start to getting her out of the habit. I definitely don't think you broke her!! My dd is a horrible sleeper so I get it! I think it was just new to her. Don't give up, you're doing a great job!

ns1

Awwww, don't beat yourself up! It sounds like you had an overtired kiddo on your hands. Fwiw, I've done CIO of some sort with both my babies and they still seem to love and trust me. This mom gig is rough, but you clearly care about your LO a ton - you're doing great!

QOTR

I saw this the other day and it's appropriate to share here I think.

LunaBug924

@QOTR‌ that is perfect!

NorthernGal248

I hope you had a better night! Whenever L sleeps bad I also blame myself bc of course it must have been me who screwed up. You are only trying to what is best for you little baby, don't be so hard on yourself.

sarag0116

One thing to keep in mind about sleep training is that the first night or actually the first three days of sleep training are awful! But they do get better and so if you want to stick with it you'll probably get good results.

freebutterfly7

I know that sick feeling of thinking I've completely ruined nighttime sleeping forever because of a rough day! Sounds like you're a great mom - very attentive to your little girl's needs and reactions. A lot of mommies have given some good advice - and you've got a plan - that's good. Give us an update in a few days on how the sleep and food adjustments went!

FreeButterfly70