Supporting my wife

AndyMSchneider

So here's the quick version of events.

Wife didn't regain her cycle after coming off BC

So far combos of progesterone, fermara, follistim over several months (starting slow, then adding more meds) have created follicles and lining but no period 2 plus weeks after the docs expected ovulation. 

I love her so much, and I want t help support her, but because I'm not the one going through everything physically, it's really hard to relate. Even though we've only been with an infertility expert for 2-3 months, being patient is the hardest part. The dr. seems very positive and optimistic, but damn, waiting sucks.

What did you want your husbands to say/do to help you out during the process? I want to stay optimistic, and I am optimistic, but it's hard when we literally have no control over anything. 

Thoughts? Advice? Resources? 

mrscsw

I think it is wonderful how you are trying to support your wife!!  Just listen to her and never blame each other for the IF. Some days are just hard on us!!! My meds make me a little crazy. My DH has had to bite his tongue a few times to avoid saying the wrong thing.  I appreciate when he helps me stay in reality and helps me realize why I am so upset, which is usually something silly the meds are exaggerating.  Best of luck to you and your wife. 

missmarypoppins

K1111K said:

I find it most helpful when my husband just listens, really listens, when I need to fill him in on every little detail about my appointments and how I'm feeling as well as when I need to vent. Sure, some extra doting and help around the house is nice (so I have a bit less to worry about), but just really listening trumps everything for me. And maybe some flowers and chocolate thrown in occasionally would be nice too The meds and side effects and pokes and hormonal fluctuations for the women going through IVF are seriously no fun! But of course it's all for the best cause. Best of luck to you and your wife!

This. ALL of this. Listen, flowers and chocolate, listen, help around the house, listen some more. And I really
Liked when my husband asked me a lot of questions about my appointments, meds, side effects etc. it really showed that he was interested and invested in what was happening.
And I'll stress the help around the house thing again. That really meant so much to me. The injections made me exhausted and I didn't want to do anything.

Chicago

I second that I appreciated him truly listening and asking questions.

I also appreciated it when he went and did his own research depending on the stage we were going through.  That way I didn't feel like I was the only one thinking about it all the time.  We were both coming back with the same things from Dr. Google (and TheBump) but to me it felt like we were much more of a team in this when we were both trying to figure things out.

missmarypoppins

Chicago said:

I second that I appreciated him truly listening and asking questions.

I also appreciated it when he went and did his own research depending on the stage we were going through.  That way I didn't feel like I was the only one thinking about it all the time.  We were both coming back with the same things from Dr. Google (and TheBump) but to me it felt like we were much more of a team in this when we were both trying to figure things out.

Yes! Forgot how much I appreciated this!

AndyMSchneider

Thanks everyone. It's all very helpful. It's easy to get discouraged but we'll get to where we want to me. Even if it takes an extra couple months.

KM721

Ditto to everything here. I have a specific phrase that I like to hear from my sympathy-impaired husband. It's pretty simple: "That must suck." It is a fine line, but you want to make sure you recognize the parts of this that you share and the parts of it (feeling like shit on hormones all the time) that she has to go through alone. When I need a moment to complain about my headache--today's is terrible--sometimes I just like to hear, "That must suck. I'm sorry."

RositaRae

With my husband, I feel like if he would offer to come to some of the appointments with me, that I would feel less alone in all of this.  Not that I want him in the ultrasound room when they are measuring my follicles necessarily, but just his presence would mean a lot.  I wish he would offer even if it would be difficult to get there....I sometimes have to drive home from the appointment by myself and after getting bad news, I could really use a shoulder ready to cry on.

Also, there are little things men could do to help out in this process such as take their vitamins, cut down on alcohol, and make sure they aren't too tired to do the deed on the fertile days.  A nice surprise of a bottle of wine (when she gets a BFN) or renting the movie she's been wanting to see for months is also a nice gesture!  I also think being informed by doing some educational reading is also helpful and supportive!  I can tell you are already very invested and you coming here to seek some advice is a great way to help her through this.

AndyMSchneider

Second question then. She had multiple 13-15 follicles and a thick lining, but no period. Any guesses?

katers79

Ask questions, be interested, give lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead, compliment how "pretty and skinny" she looks during stims and the week after ER, and help with housework/cooking as much as possible! You are an AWESOME HUBBY!! ^:)^

ogradyk2

My husband and I "fist bump" or something like that like we're getting ready for a "big game" right before and after an appointment/injection/etc. He's always keeping it fun somehow even when fun is the last thing I'm feeling. He also listens a lot and helps with household chores. But mostly he just does whatever he can to make me laugh at some of the ridiculousness infertility entails. And when I need a day to cry he lets me. No questions asked. He comes to as many appointments as he can too, it's always nice to leave each appt holding his hand knowing I'm not going through it alone

Hollowvic

Everyone pretty much summed up what I would say.  @lemonliz I second what you said, I get so mad when he complains about taking his vitamins, I wish that was all I had to do.