Question for moms of kids with HFA/Asperger's

CCinLove

DS started K this year, and in many ways exceeded my expectations.  He loves school. Yippee! He has friends, and his classmates like him.  Yay!  He's doing fine academically.  Hurrah!  He now loves to draw now even though they could barely get him to pick up a pencil last year. Hallelujah!  

His class is pretty large, and I suspect he has some needs that are flying under the radar because he's such an easygoing, well behaved kid.  The only issues that he's had so far have been more executive functioning issues.  He had trouble remembering that he was supposed to buy a hot lunch a few times when I didn't pack lunch, and actually didn't get lunch one day because he just sat at the table without food.  He also has trouble remembering things like taking his folder out of his backpack once he gets to school, or turning in picture day money, etc.  His teacher is awesome, but I feel like she often writes these issues off as him being a kindergardener vs. something that he needs support around.  And it IS difficult to figure out how much of it is him adjusting to the new routine vs. something his IEP is designed to address.  When I met with her to discuss challenges that I was seeing, her solution was that they would make a visual schedule and rings with pictures of him doing various activities he needed help remembering the steps of.  Great, but those are things that are clearly outlined in his IEP and should have been implemented (IMO) at the start of the school year.

I'm noticing what I think is his first academic issue.  The bar is insanely high in his class, and most of his classmates came in already being able to write basic sentences.  DS has the skills to do this, but it's almost like he has a block.  He does not like to make mistakes, and refuses to write a word if he doesn't know how to spell it (or have someone spelling it out for him).  We work on it at home, and he will be on the verge of crying if I encourage him to sound out a word and just guess what letter comes next.  He just won't do it.  With 27 kids in the class, he is never going to get that type of 1 on 1 help in the class for any length of time.  He's working way under his potential at school.  His work comes home, and he doesn't even write the beginning sounds of words which he ALWAYS knows.  I just don't think he's going to make a lot of progress in this area without more support, but I don't even know what to ask.

Any suggestions?  I'm finding it difficult because I spend much less time in his class and talking to his teacher than I did when he was in preschool.  I don't know anything about how his speech and OT are implemented, who is providers are, etc.  I only know that he is doing a social skills group because another parent told me exactly who is in the group. I don't want to be THAT mom, but I also want to be able to advocate for him.  There aren't any huge issues, so I feel like I'd be nitpicking even bringing some of these things, but I don't want to wait around and let them become bigger issues.  

typeset

Yes, accommodations should have been implemented at the start of the year. If it were me, I'd outline my concerns in writing and call a team meeting to address them. Then I'd start cobbling together EF and writing goals so that they can be dealt with in the classroom setting if possible. 

This isn't nitpicking. It's being a savvy advocate mom. He's already demonstrating issues; better to get them to work on the underlying skills he's going to need to be successful now, while he's young. 

CCinLove

Thank you ladies!  It's good even to know that I'm not imagining some of the things I'm noticing being due to his ASD.

Re: his IEP, I have not seen anything since a draft copy (spelling errors and all) last school year.  I'll dig up a copy of it to see who is supposed to be implementing the visual schedule and other tools.  I have been reluctant to call an official IEP meeting because I have a great relationship with his teacher and SPED coordinator, and I don't want to rock the boat.  But I'm doing a disservice to him by not knowing exactly how he's getting the services he's entitled to in school, and advocating for more if necessary.  I think I'll mention to his teacher at the parent teacher conference that I plan to ask for a meeting...just so that I can be in the loop before I do it.

@auntie, I don't think he has any goals around self advocacy or problem solving in his IEP.  I will suggest those ASAP.  I notice this daily at home.  He will ask me daily where he should put his pajamas, or dirty clothes.  He has trouble making decisions even about minor things he does every day.  He will often ask if he can spit when he's done brushing his teeth, or if he should flush the toilet.  I'll need his teacher's help coming up with examples of how he is similarly paralyzed by indecision when he shouldn't be at school, since I doubt the things I see at home will be enough to add goals to the IEP.

He attends a new school, so the providers had not been hired before the start of the school year.  I can use that as another reason to request a meeting.  I don't think it's unreasonable that I meet the providers.  I'll check to see what I can find on the district's website.  I talked at length with another autism mom at DS' school, and there are a few other things that make it tough to get what our children need.  I mentioned before that the bar is VERY high.  Our children would be at the very least at the top of their classes academically in most other areas of the city, but they are definitely bottom half in our very educated and affluent area.  She's butted heads with the district because they measure our kids against district standards, and not their classmates.  They may very well look at my son's trouble with spelling and writing and refuse to provide services because writing sentences is not expected in Kindergarten.  Even though that's what the rest of his class is working on.  I ran into this last year when I wanted a handwriting program included in his IEP due to his fine motor delay, and I was told no because handwriting is a Kindergarten skill.  That's great in theory, except that every single kid can already write!  He would have been way behind if I hadn't made it my business to meet those needs outside of school.  I feel like that's going to be the story of my life.  So @auntie, I think you're very right, and I'll be reading that book.  My son relies on me to solve all kinds of basic problems, and he really needs to start learning how to take care of himself.

Thanks so much again!