What worries do you have about your relationship/marriage post-baby & what might help ease them?

RJ26

As a mom of two with a lot of opinions about the importance of expecting parents trying to prepare their relationship for a baby--based on 20/20 hindsight and, also, some of my professional work in this area--I'm curious what, if anything, you're worried about happening (or not happening) in your relationship/marriage after the baby arrives? I'm especially curious because I sometimes find that my pregnant friends "get" that babies impact relationships--because they've seen it happen to the rest of us who had kids--but I also get the sense that they believe: "That won't happen to us!" I'd welcome knowing about any of your concerns and, also, what you think or hope might help ease them? Thanks in advance for sharing!!!!

thejucheidea

I have no concerns about my relationship with my husband. Our baby will be a wonderful addition to the already spectacular life I have with him and our three dogs.

muschke

IMHO I think if people don't think a baby will add stress to a couple's relationship, that they are being a little unrealistic.

My husband and I have a great relationship and have been married for six years.  We've settled into a pretty comfortable, but also selfish lifestyle - and baby is going to change that!  I know I am grumpy on lack of sleep.  I also know that I tend to get annoyed when I perceive that he may not be taking ownership of household management.  I imagine that these feelings will only be amplified once baby arrives on the scene. 

I don't know that I'm worried, but I am sure that there will be a lot stress in the beginning as we adjust to a new routine and figure out what works for us as parents.

thejucheidea

muschke said:

IMHO I think if people don't think a baby will add stress to a couple's relationship, that they are being a little unrealistic.

I said nothing about not thinking that we'll have more stress. I recognize that we'll have stress, but we've had major, major stressors before and have always found ways to deal with them gracefully and come out stronger on the other end.

srcr2011

For me, a second time mom, I KNOW there will be more adjustments, more stress, and arguements. A baby does and will change things, but we also have a 3 year old who will need to adjust as well. Basically, roll with the punches and realize the hard, stressful adjustments and desire to divorce will pass. Don't expect your life to be perfect or the dishes always washed and a clean home always, you will be disappointed and stressed. It will be messy. In the hard times, realize it's not dh vs you, but dh & you as a team vs everything else and you will be fine. Babies are hard and change things, but soooo worth the work.

nicolerae90

Mmm. I love cookies

RJ26

Thanks so much for your response, srcr2011! So hard the first time around and second time around. We have two and we found the adjustment even harder the second time around, BUT we also knew more of what to expect!

MrsPDX

Wow, this is the most perfect thread for me. I have been thinking of this so much lately. My DH is hands down my best friend. I don't want to lose that friendship, or that spark. Or I am worried we will never, ever have a moment where we just lay in bed on a Sunday, and snuggle, and chat and laugh. Its like those little moments, I am worried that we will never get back....

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for baby (of course), but now that I am actually pregnant, I am suddenly feeling like I might lose DH, or what I know now as DH, and that scares me. 

mermaid1113

MrsPDX said:

Wow, this is the most perfect thread for me. I have been thinking of this so much lately. My DH is hands down my best friend. I don't want to lose that friendship, or that spark. Or I am worried we will never, ever have a moment where we just lay in bed on a Sunday, and snuggle, and chat and laugh. Its like those little moments, I am worried that we will never get back....

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for baby (of course), but now that I am actually pregnant, I am suddenly feeling like I might lose DH, or what I know now as DH, and that scares me. 

I agree with most of this! I love those "little moments" we have. But I also think hey those moments will now be enhanced with a baby in the mix.

My DH and I are best friends too- been together almost 6 years- married for one and I don't want to lose that. We have had several conversations on this exact topic. I think the fact that we have had the conversation makes me more confident in our ability to remain a team and a couple. I know we will have hard times but that's what a relationship is all about. We both come from broken families- he was raised by his dad and I was raised by my mom so we both know the importance of working through stuff.

peeppeeppeep

RJ26 said:

As a mom of two with a lot of opinions about the importance of expecting parents trying to prepare their relationship for a baby--based on 20/20 hindsight and, also, some of my professional work in this area--I'm curious what, if anything, you're worried about happening (or not happening) in your relationship/marriage after the baby arrives? I'm especially curious because I sometimes find that my pregnant friends "get" that babies impact relationships--because they've seen it happen to the rest of us who had kids--but I also get the sense that they believe: "That won't happen to us!" I'd welcome knowing about any of your concerns and, also, what you think or hope might help ease them? Thanks in advance for sharing!!!!

I don't know why you are asking this question because you already seem to have answered it in your post.