Sleep Training Survivors Thread

cd92007

I know there are some people completely against sleep training... But for those of us who have decided to go down this road I thought it would be helpful to have a thread dedicated to support and advice.

cd92007

So here's my story - DS never really woke up a lot during the night, but it's the act of getting to sleep that has been a real struggle for us. He has always required a three ring circus, it feels like.

I always nursed him to sleep.. And it would usually take me over an hour every night. I was nursing, then getting my stuff ready for work the next day, then going to bed early since I would be waking 1-2 times per night and again at 5 am. I was never spending any time with my husband or anything. Then on the weekends, I would spend hours bouncing/rocking/you name it to get him to nap, and would find myself in tears because it was so frustrating/exhausting.

Anyway... I knew I had to teach him to fall asleep on his own. So I'm on day 2 of Sleepeasy Solution (stepped soothing). I changed our routine from nursing to sleep to nursing, then bath, then book, then sleep.

Last night wasn't too bad.. 45 min. But then he woke at 12:30 and 4:40. 4 is his usual wake time, but he rarely does at 12:30. I fed him both times.

We are also trying nap training today but it's not going as well. He put himself to sleep after 45 min this morning and slept for almost 2 hours (unheard of here!) but then cried the entire hour for his second nap and the book says to stop after an hour. I'm really not sure if I should continue the nap training at this point...... Did anyone do both night training and nap training at the same time?

ambarnett1

DS was waking 2-3 times per night, so we decided to sleep train a week or two ago. It has been going pretty well. He will fall asleep on his own at night within 15 minutes with little to no fussing. We put him down after a bath, so completely awake and he does good. He still wakes up between 3:30-5:30 for a bottle, and then back down by himself until 7-7:30. For naps, it's hit or miss. If I don't time it right then he will scream and scream, so I end up putting a pacifier in and he will be asleep within a few minutes.

@cd29007 it's easier to do them at the same time, so you can get it all over with, but if he isn't responding you can take a break for a day. We're doing them at the same time and seeing improvement on both ends. He now takes 2-3 naps per day between 30 mins and 1 1/2 hours instead of 4-5 20-30 min naps. Do what you think will work best for your LO. Not every baby will respond the same way. 

cd92007

@ambarnett1‌ I feel better to hear naps can be hit or miss. I was so excited that his morning nap went pretty well, but his 2nd nap was non existent. I know I should keep at it and not resort to bouncing/rocking him to sleep again but it's so hard when I know he needs sleep (

Edit to add- his third nap today, we gave in and bounced him to sleep. It was already 4 pm and he hadn't slept since waking at 10:45 am! I hope tomorrow goes better...

Suzanne237

Just curious. Is sleep training CIO? How do you out them in their crib and get little to no fussing? I am tired of nursing to sleep or bouncing to fall asleep in my or hubby's arms. Thanks.

cd92007

@Suzanne237‌ there are no cry sleep training options (search on amazon and you'll find the books), but from what I've heard they aren't as effective and there are still some crying involved. We are following the Sleepeasy Solution book.. It was an easy read and answered most of my questions. My son did cry for 45 minutes last night (with us continuously checking in) to put himself to sleep.... But I would have been nursing him to sleep for even longer, which I loved doing but it wasn't reasonable (for instance... I couldn't ever go out with my friends because only I could put DS down).

Suzanne237

I'm not against it. I just haven't tried it so I was just curious. So after 45 min he fell asleep? Was it like fussing that escalated or just fussing?

Suzanne237

I would love to be able to put LO in crib awake but he acts like his crib is eating him. We have really cut back the bouncing and do more of a pat on the back. Then when almost asleep put in crib and continue pat till asleep. Takes about 30 min. Sounds like you guys put your LO down awake (but tired) and he's relaxed in his space? @cd92007‌

ambarnett1

@Suzanne237 There was crying involved. We did the Ferber stepped soothing technigue and he cried for a max of 20-30 mins. He did purple cry a few times, calm down, and start back up again. That was for 2 days and now there isn't any screaming or intense crying unless he's overtired. If you are to do any CIO, I would do the Ferber method because you can go back in and try and calm LO down. 

SmallCityLiving

I can put DS down awake but drowsy and he will talk himself to sleep but our issue is the night wakings. We tried Ferber a few weeks ago to night wean but after almost two hours of his on and off screaming I couldn't take it. We were going in to check on him but it wasn't helping.

Any advice from those who have successfully cut down the night wakings? Right now his wake ups are totally unpredictable which makes it hard. He also currently has a cold so I'm waiting until that is gone to try again.

Teresa1896

^^^^ditto @SmallCityLiving‌. He puts himself to sleep at bedtime and naptime but he rarely puts himself back to sleep at night.

cd92007

Suzanne237 said:

I'm not against it. I just haven't tried it so I was just curious. So after 45 min he fell asleep? Was it like fussing that escalated or just fussing?

@Suzanne237‌ yes there is crying involved.. He cried and then fussed and then fell asleep. We are only on the 2nd day of really doing it... So we'll see how tonight goes!

cd92007

@SmallCityLiving‌ the book I'm ready (sleepeasy solution) says to set an alarm an hour before LO normally wakes and then dream feed them.. Decrease 2 minutes from how long they normally eat and keep decreasing every day. We haven't tried this yet but I will soon, as soon as he gets better at bedtime.

pbandjmom

I worked with Joy noting ago on naps and sleeping during the night. Some things that worked for us:

- at night I leave her door AND my door shut. If she's actually crying for someone I can hear her through both. Otherwise she fusses for a few minutes and puts herself back to sleep. This has saved me a lot of sleep! I only hear her when it's really necessary for someone to come on and feed her.

- we keep naps as consistent as possible.morning nap is a must. She's really good about that one. In the afternoon even if she doesn't want to sleep I would put her in th crib(following the nap routine) to show her that it's nap time. I read get drowsy cues and she's got much better at the afternoon nap.

It did take some crying but now I put her down and she looks at me, rolls over, and goes to sleep. Night baby!

Keckers

SmallCityLiving said:

I can put DS down awake but drowsy and he will talk himself to sleep but our issue is the night wakings. We tried Ferber a few weeks ago to night wean but after almost two hours of his on and off screaming I couldn't take it. We were going in to check on him but it wasn't helping.

Any advice from those who have successfully cut down the night wakings? Right now his wake ups are totally unpredictable which makes it hard. He also currently has a cold so I'm waiting until that is gone to try again.

We are currently using Ferber to night wean in the hopes that this will decrease his overall night wakings. The plan is that each time LO wakes, we are to offer fewer oz over progressively longer intervals each night. At his worst, LO was taking 16oz of milk during the MOTN, divided between 3-4 feedings. His diapers would be soaked, which likely led to more discomfort and more frequent wakings.

We started on Thursday night. Last night, LO required only one feeding between 7:30pm-7:00am, and it was less than 3oz. There has been some (at times lots) crying involved, but LO usually falls back asleep within 30 min. Sleep training is enough to make my head spin, but I just take it one day at a time.

edoliesmom

Our experiences sound very similar @cd92007‌ and @Suzanne237‌! I don't have to nurse to sleep, but the bedtime routine lasts an hour to 1.5 hours. It's mentally exhausting and I hardly get any time with my husband! I haven't started sleep training yet, but when I do I'll definitely be participating in this thread!

CMesser2013

We are three weeks in using the Ferber method. It's definitely had it's ups and downs but I have seen amazing results. Most nights when I put LO in his crib he looks at me, smiles, gets comfy, and drifts off to sleep;) Other nights there could still be some crying but he is out within 10-15 minutes. Naps have naturally fallen into place. Not sure if that is a coincidence or the result of the sleep training as well.

Right now I am struggling with MOTN feedings. At most (even before sleep training) LO wakes twice. Anytime between 12-2 and/or 3-5. I have not been nursing if he wakes before 3, sometime he puts himself back to sleep within minutes sometimes it takes 30. If he wakes after 3, I nurse him.

Curious if others think it's confusing to LO if I pick and chose when to nurse. I am torn, I don't mind and usually enjoy the MOTN feeding between 3-5 but the inconsistency of multiple wakings is really affecting my sleep. I am a working mom and need my sleep but am torn about trying to drop nursing at night all together. If he STTN I would only nurse him 3 times a day...

My intial thought was that he would drop the MOTN feeding on his own after 6 months.

Appreciate others thoughts/experiences...

RocksInTheWater

Since I started sleep training, DS now eats twice during the night where he had been doing just 1 night feeding since he was 3 months old.  I'm not sure why he suddenly wants to eat around 2:00 am and again at 4:00 or 5:00 but I'm hoping he drops that early feeding again soon.  I don't think he needs the extra feeding but he will not fall back asleep without it so I'm just going with it.  

zazu13

We did stepped soothing here at about 5 1/2 months. I was going back to work part time and decided to do it  so my twins would be in a better sleeping pattern and hopefully do better with the sitter and sleeping in a PnP / crib instead of the RnP.  We weren't having problems with staying asleep, but like others mentioned, bedtime was taking forever with a combination of feeding, rocking, bouncing, paci replacement, etc. to get both babies asleep for the night was a 1-2 hour circus.

Night 1 -  Started one hour before desired "Bedtime". Did our regular routine then put babies in bed. Result: Two hours of crying; not solid hard crying, but off and on. Because I had two in the same room they woke each other up and I started over twice. I did soothing after 5, 10, 15 min, etc. I  finally put one in a separate room and had one baby asleep after 10 minutes and the other after 25. 

Night 2 - Started off in separate rooms 45 minutes of crying.

Night 3 - Zero crying. Yes, zero. Both babies asleep at 7pm.

Night time since has seriously been glorious. Both babies go to sleep within 1-10 minutes of being put down. There is occasional fussing, but one or two soothes with a binky gets them to sleep for the night. If they are really tired they go to bed at 6 or 6:30, but usually they are in bed by 7:00.

They were waking to eat once at night until about 3 weeks ago. I didn't do anything to wean them of this feed other than introducing solids and making sure they were offered bottle feeds 5x per day.

Now they sleep 7p-7a consistently. I occasionally go in between 4 and 6am to put in pacis for Baby A who has always been the lighter sleeper. Baby B will still wake for a bottle between 4 and 7am if she doesn't eat enough during the day.

Naps have not been as successful as night sleep, but most of the time they do take both their morning and afternoon nap (at least 45 min each) with minimal fussing. Occasionally I have given up after the full hour of crying and usually when I see it coming to that point I will cuddle and rock instead which only works for only Baby B. Naps are most successful when I catch them at the beginning of their drowsiness. If I wait too long then getting them to take a nap is a nightmare. Sometimes if I'm desperate for them to have a nap I resort to a stroller or car ride which is a sure ticket for getting them to sleep.

emilyann64

We started sleep training right at 4.5 months. We did it for 3 weeks and it wasn't working, so we went back to paci and soothing to sleep.

Just this week we tried again (almost 6 months) and it's working wonders! Instead of 30 min naps, she will sleep for 1.5 hours! Nighttime sleep is getting better as well.

I just think she wasn't ready the first time. Now she pushes away like she wants to lay in her crib. There's still about 5-20 min of crying but she sleeps so well once she goes to sleep.

cd92007

Last night he went down completely awake and fell asleep without one cry!!!! This was major, major progress! I was shocked.

But we are still working through night feedings... I am at a loss with these as well. Since sleep training, his night feedings have been unpredictable timing wise. And I honestly don't know whether or not I should nurse him to sleep during the night or put him in his crib awake to cry. I've heard conflicting opinions about this...

SmallCityLiving

So we are trying over with sleep training now that they are a little older. When one wakes up before I was going to wake them to nurse I assume I should let them cry themselves back to sleep and then go in to wake to feed. That's what ok going with tonight. Laying here now listening to him cry and will go in once it's quiet. So hard though! I know this is going to help in the long run though. I think I'm really ready for it this time.

Dixon813

CMesser2013 said:

We are three weeks in using the Ferber method. It's definitely had it's ups and downs but I have seen amazing results. Most nights when I put LO in his crib he looks at me, smiles, gets comfy, and drifts off to sleep;) Other nights there could still be some crying but he is out within 10-15 minutes. Naps have naturally fallen into place. Not sure if that is a coincidence or the result of the sleep training as well.

Right now I am struggling with MOTN feedings. At most (even before sleep training) LO wakes twice. Anytime between 12-2 and/or 3-5. I have not been nursing if he wakes before 3, sometime he puts himself back to sleep within minutes sometimes it takes 30. If he wakes after 3, I nurse him.

Curious if others think it's confusing to LO if I pick and chose when to nurse. I am torn, I don't mind and usually enjoy the MOTN feeding between 3-5 but the inconsistency of multiple wakings is really affecting my sleep. I am a working mom and need my sleep but am torn about trying to drop nursing at night all together. If he STTN I would only nurse him 3 times a day...

My intial thought was that he would drop the MOTN feeding on his own after 6 months.

Appreciate others thoughts/experiences...

Liam eats MOTN once and I don't feed him until after 2. If he wakes up before 2, we'll replace pacifier, rub back, etc. I've found if I feed him before 2, he wants to eat again before wake up and normally when I'm getting ready. Plus when he does wake up before two, he's still tired and just needs help going back to sleep.

Are there any out there that feel too dependent on the pacifier? We did stepped soothing between 4.5-5 months and he's pretty good at going to sleep (unless he's over tired) but I feel like we're very dependent on the pacifier...

Talltrees82

LO has been sleeping 11-12 hours for a few weeks now, so a week ago we decided to try stepped soothing since he's getting too big to bounce/rock to sleep. It worked wonders! The first night it took 25 mins, then 15, then 9, and now I can put him down, say "night night" and he's out within a few minutes, no crying at all. We're at the family cottage this weekend and he went to bed no problem!

edoliesmom

cd92007 said:

Last night he went down completely awake and fell asleep without one cry!!!! This was major, major progress! I was shocked.

But we are still working through night feedings... I am at a loss with these as well. Since sleep training, his night feedings have been unpredictable timing wise. And I honestly don't know whether or not I should nurse him to sleep during the night or put him in his crib awake to cry. I've heard conflicting opinions about this...

If he's hungry, he needs to eat. If he cried himself to sleep, how are you going to know if he was hungry or not? If you do go that route, how long would you be willing to let him cry before he fell asleep? Would you only let him cry a certain amount of time before offering him a breast/bottle?

kmos816

cd92007 said:

Last night he went down completely awake and fell asleep without one cry!!!! This was major, major progress! I was shocked.

But we are still working through night feedings... I am at a loss with these as well. Since sleep training, his night feedings have been unpredictable timing wise. And I honestly don't know whether or not I should nurse him to sleep during the night or put him in his crib awake to cry. I've heard conflicting opinions about this...

We haven't done sleep training as I still nurse to sleep at night and bounce for naps- but if my LO wakes up crying at night before when she normally does (she just wakes once to eat) I'll send Dh in to soothe her- i give him 10 min and if she's not asleep I feed her. If she is hungry she can't be soothed.

So maybe give it a similar time frame?

Suzanne237

We have been soothing to calm in our arms then put in crib drowsy. But we are not to the point of just put in crib. I think if we did that he'd cry for an hr+ as some of you mentioned. We have (knock on wood) been pretty successful with night weaning by hubby picking him up instead of me if it's before 2/3 am. Zac goes to bed around 7 and had slept till 11/12 (enter hubby asleep w/in 10 min) then up at 2 nurse, up at 5 nurse. Last night bed 7, didn't wake till 3 so I nursed. Feels like we are adding solid hours - last night was 8 total. Not sure if we'd get 7-7 but sounds nice!

steph1977

Just ordered Ferber's book, as my LO and I are desperate for some sleep. I've tried stepped soothing as well as full on CIO and nothing seems to be working. I'm hoping I learn something new and can soon contribute here!

nycgirlkat

LO is 5.5 months old and we were bottle feeding/rocking to sleep at night with a a pacifier after her bottle if she was still awake and she was sleeping through the night until 5 am (she is an early riser). Then about a week ago she would wake up every hour crying. So we started trying the Sleep Lady's Good Night Sleep Tight method without a pacifier where you put them down drowsy and sit with them while they cry to comfort them until they fall asleep. The last 3 nights were hard, she screamed until she fell asleep and then woke up at least twice screaming. Now she is very sick with a cold (damn daycare germs) and so I am wondering if the night wake ups this week was because she was getting sick. I feel so terrible letting her scream like she was thinking it was a pacifier thing when she was probably feeling awful. We might wait another week after she kicks her 3rd cold in 2 months to start up sleep training again. But I will try to stick with no pacifier at night, but a bottle until she feels better.

snowbound

I need to do this but I feel bad letting him cry. I don't even mind 1/2 wake ups a night. I just can't do any more than 3 and it's been that way for awhile. So exhausted.

cd92007

edoliesmom said:

Last night he went down completely awake and fell asleep without one cry!!!! This was major, major progress! I was shocked. But we are still working through night feedings... I am at a loss with these as well. Since sleep training, his night feedings have been unpredictable timing wise. And I honestly don't know whether or not I should nurse him to sleep during the night or put him in his crib awake to cry. I've heard conflicting opinions about this...

If he's hungry, he needs to eat. If he cried himself to sleep, how are you going to know if he was hungry or not? If you do go that route, how long would you be willing to let him cry before he fell asleep? Would you only let him cry a certain amount of time before offering him a breast/bottle?

Sorry, I wrote that in the middle of the night and it was a little confusing - ha! I always feed him when he wakes, what I meant is do I sit there feeding him until he falls asleep on the boob, or do I pull him off when I can tell he's done but just pacifying. But then I answered my own question and tried pulling him off and putting him down awake around 3 am and he cried for about 15 min and went back to sleep. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be! (I envisioned him crying for an hour in the MOTN).

edoliesmom

@cd92007 Now that I'm rereading it, I think you were clear. Sorry I misread! I'm glad it worked out well with little crying.

chichi589

We tried step soothing at 5 months desperate for sleep and it was a hot mess. Went back to nursing to sleep bed sharing everything. Started again at 6 months. Stepped soothing/CIO first night was rough but really from there it's gotten a lot easier! He's been sleeping in his own bed, more quality sleep last night he only woke up once from 8-4 am! That hasn't ever happened.

ambarnett1

I know for most listening to the crying is hard. I was lucky and didn't have more than 20 mins of crying for the first night. What I did so I wouldn't hear it and cry myself was shut both his door and mine (we're across the hallway from each other) and then have the video monitor on, but sound off. For me, I made sure he was okay, but didn't need to listen. Just a suggestion for those who don't like listening to the crying, or you could step outside for the allotted time. I also found that having DH soothe worked better than me doing it because even though I don't nurse, he associates me with food and pacifier.

baileymama3

ambarnett1 said:

I know for most listening to the crying is hard. I was lucky and didn't have more than 20 mins of crying for the first night. What I did so I wouldn't hear it and cry myself was shut both his door and mine (we're across the hallway from each other) and then have the video monitor on, but sound off. For me, I made sure he was okay, but didn't need to listen. Just a suggestion for those who don't like listening to the crying, or you could step outside for the allotted time. I also found that having DH soothe worked better than me doing it because even though I don't nurse, he associates me with food and pacifier.

Same here! Closed doors-used video monitor - and sent in DH. Tonight is night one. He was waking up every hour through the night this week! And has just been rocky sleeping since month 4. I called the pediatrician and they said I was doing a disservice by feeding him every time he cried... (I know that but I need sleep) and that I needed to sleep train. So tonight, 10 minutes of crying, 1 soothing session and he fell asleep. Woke up 40 minutes later, my DH went in to soothe, and he fell asleep 4 min later. Still sleeping an hour later. I too will do a feeding if after 2 am. Before that, I will soothe and let cry. I was really torn about this, but we could not continue on the path we were going down.

UnofficiallyLO

cd92007 said:

edoliesmom said:

cd92007 said:

Last night he went down completely awake and fell asleep without one cry!!!! This was major, major progress! I was shocked.

But we are still working through night feedings... I am at a loss with these as well. Since sleep training, his night feedings have been unpredictable timing wise. And I honestly don't know whether or not I should nurse him to sleep during the night or put him in his crib awake to cry. I've heard conflicting opinions about this...

If he's hungry, he needs to eat. If he cried himself to sleep, how are you going to know if he was hungry or not? If you do go that route, how long would you be willing to let him cry before he fell asleep? Would you only let him cry a certain amount of time before offering him a breast/bottle?

Sorry, I wrote that in the middle of the night and it was a little confusing - ha! I always feed him when he wakes, what I meant is do I sit there feeding him until he falls asleep on the boob, or do I pull him off when I can tell he's done but just pacifying. But then I answered my own question and tried pulling him off and putting him down awake around 3 am and he cried for about 15 min and went back to sleep. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be! (I envisioned him crying for an hour in the MOTN).

I don't know how to bold but to answer your when to take him off the boob question (I'm reading no cry sleep solution but am not anti CIO for others) they say not to let them fall completely asleep on it (which I'm guilty of until recently) but when they slow to a pacifying rate to remove them and hold your finger under their chin. I've noticed somehow this keeps him from getting completely upset and will either quietly fuss or fall asleep after nursing the air for a few seconds.

penguinjenny

It was taking 1hr+ to get her to sleep so we finally broke down and are trying sleep training. We've only been doing this for the past 3 nights. We let her cry for 3 min, 5 min, then keep going in every 8 min. We soothe (rub back and softly talk to her) for 2 minutes in between. She's been falling asleep during the second 8 minutes. The problem is she gets so worked up she ends up throwing up during the 5 minute crying period.

I'm afraid if we go in there to change her and the sheets she'll learn that throwing up makes mom and dad pick her up so we've been wiping up the throw up and her face then just soothing as normal. We change her and the sheets when she wakes up for her MOTN feeding. Are we terrible parents for not immediately giving her clean sheets and pajamas? Will she not learn throwing up brings us into the room so I'm worried for nothing? I feel so terrible about the situation.

penguinjenny

I said the exact same thing to my husband about if he would want to sleep in throw up and he said "she'll be fine." I really need to just trust myself more. I'll have to look into no crying sleep training because you are right. I am not ok with the situation.

edoliesmom

It's not like she's thinking, "Oh I know! I'll throw up so mom and dad will come see me!" No. She's getting so worked up that her body physically can't handle it, and she vomits from being too upset.

penguinjenny

I realize I sound like a terrible parent. It helped to have people point out that my fear was completely dumb.

Anyway, I'm stopping the sleep training for now. It was my husband's idea and I begrudgingly went along with it because as much as I love her I don't enjoy spending an hour rocking her to sleep every night and if this could help I was willing to try it. It's obvious now that it was not working.

Is sleeping training actually necessary to have a child who will go to sleep by themselves? I'm asking because my brother and I were both terrible about going to sleep on our own. I can remember I would make someone stay with me until I fell asleep at night. I was probably at least 4 years old if not older when this was happening so way too old to need someone to stay with me. When I ask my mom about it she says that both of us would cry until we threw up, eventually they decided it was easier to sit with us than clean vomit every night. I really don't want that to be my future.

juniper75

penguinjenny said:

I realize I sound like a terrible parent. It helped to have people point out that my fear was completely dumb.

Anyway, I'm stopping the sleep training for now. It was my husband's idea and I begrudgingly went along with it because as much as I love her I don't enjoy spending an hour rocking her to sleep every night and if this could help I was willing to try it. It's obvious now that it was not working.

Is sleeping training actually necessary to have a child who will go to sleep by themselves? I'm asking because my brother and I were both terrible about going to sleep on our own. I can remember I would make someone stay with me until I fell asleep at night. I was probably at least 4 years old if not older when this was happening so way too old to need someone to stay with me. When I ask my mom about it she says that both of us would cry until we threw up, eventually they decided it was easier to sit with us than clean vomit every night. I really don't want that to be my future.

Don't beat yourself up - lots of babies vomit from crying - they even address it in the books. They say to go in and change baby and bedding but to make it quick and keep the lights off (or minimal) etc.. I don't think I would be comfortable letting my LO sleep in the vomit. You are trying to teach them to soothe and be comfortable in their crib and I would think wet smelly sheets wouldn't help that any..

Your LO could be going through some transitions that is making training tough right now. Or maybe your LO isn't ready for sleep training yet - doesn't mean she never will be. I did it with my first at about 9-10 months. If you aren't comfortable continuing with it now you can always try again in a few weeks.