~ Loss Check-In ~

CherryPicked

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.  

Welcome to the check-in! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy.  Has anyone been feeling this way?

CherryPicked

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

We got lunch with Caroline's hospice nurses this week and showed them our books of pictures.  It was nice to see them again and I miss seeing them 3 days a week.  It was nice to talk about Caroline.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

We are getting away this weekend and going to visit friends who we haven't seen in months.  I'm looking forward to it.

QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy.  Has anyone been feeling this way?  

I feel guilty all the time for the good days.  I know I shouldn't and Caroline wouldn't want me to be sad all the time, but it feels like a betrayal.  When I then have a bad day, I almost feel relief that the grief is still there.  These emotions are so confusing.  I try to remember that happy or sad, Caroline is still constantly on my mind and in my heart, and good days do not mean that I love her any less.

stefuge

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? My grandmother passed away this week, and I am struggling. I don't feel as sad as I think i should, and I find myself comparing my grief and loss of Colton to everyone grieving my grandmother. Of course I'm sad she passed, but she had a long, full life, and you know, it happens. I'm being very callous, I realize, but I don't know. My heart broke when we lost Colton, and I can't even compare this. Even with my mom, who lost her mom, I am having a hard time relating. She was 85! You knew this was coming! It's sad, but it's not this life-altering shock! Yep. I feel awful.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Get through grandmas funeral on Monday. I don't know whether I will fall apart with memories of Colton and grief triggers, or whether I will snap at someone because I feel so numb to it all. Hopefully neither!

QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy. Has anyone been feeling this way? Yes. I struggle with the "happy" all the time. About 6 months out from our loss, I had a friend who was almost like a mentor to me, someone I really respected, tell me it was time to stop being sad and focus on the good memories. To be happy again. I didn't even know how to respond to her. How to explain that I'm not choosing to be sad, or that the happy can eat me up with guilt because feeling sad makes me feel as though I am thinking of him more.

This past May we bought a new house, and it was really hard, because I was very happy and excited, and then I would feel guilty because we were "moving on" with our life and how could we possibly be doing that?!

I do feel as though I am finally getting to that place where I can let myself keep going, be happy, make plans for the future, hope again. It really hit me as we passed Colton's first angelversary - we will never forget him, he will always be a part of us, and we will carry him with us into the rest of our lives. It's okay if you are not at that point yet - somedays I am and somedays I'm not - and it is a unique part of this journey for everyone.

msunshine123

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We attended local perinatal support groups and met with a counselor. We had to find new ones since we moved.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? We plan to attend a workshop for how to survive the holidays after loosing a loved one in 2 weeks.

QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy.  Has anyone been feeling this way? I know what you mean. We are lucky - new home, jobs we love...but the one thing that matters most to us is our son and he is gone. Everything else means nothing - he meant everything. But I do agree with PP I  do have happy times too and I do have hope for the future, but I think it's normal to still miss your child. It's such a balancing act at times.

Littleowl913

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? It's been a rough couple of days. Today marks one month since we lost Ronin. I've been in a crappy mood and taking out on DH but I thought I would be different once we got to his grave. We bought some toys for him and was excited to go visit him. Once we gave him his toys, we both just broke down. I wanted it to be a happy visit but I guess we still need more time. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? My friend just lost her father last week and I want to be there for her and be just as supportive for her as she was for me even though I'm struggling myself. QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy. Has anyone been feeling this way? I totally get it. Sometimes I feel guilty about going back to work too early or everytime DH and I are being silly and cracking each other up because our grief and devastation should be as intense as our love for him.

Manada

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I'm having a rough time.   We are now 4 months out from our loss, and I miss our girls so acutely that my chest hurts most days now.   They would be born by now, and I am feeling the loss more physically than I have previously, I want to hold them in my arms.    I ordered Molly Bears for us last week, as a means to have a representation of our girls that we might be able to include in family photos and things, and I am hoping that they help some as I'm really feeling the emptiness these days without them.    

I'm also back at work now, and not doing well, so I'm not sure if that has something to do with my increased depression.  It may, but I'm not really sure what to do about it.   I am hoping this is just the pain of "october" our due-date month, but we'll see how things go. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

In two weeks we're having a party in honour of Tavin and Casey, our plan is to use the next little while to prepare for that, reorganize our house, and get some things together for it to share our babies with our friends.  

Otherwise, I need to probably stop gaining all the weight I can.  It's been a steady rise since I was pregnant, and I REALLY don't want to have to buy new clothes, so I should probably do something about that, no plans though.


QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy.  Has anyone been feeling this way?  

I haven't felt that, yet, but I know the feeling will likely come one day.    We haven't had much "new" that we have been happy about, much of our laughing has come from things that have always been just the way we are as a couple, or the way we interact - so it doesn't feel that different.   I am grateful that it doesn't feel like a betrayal to laugh sometimes, though I also anticipate that some day it may feel that way when we encounter something that is more moving beyond our loss.

AshersMom11

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really, since our due date passed I've been having a hard time thinking about how we should have a baby with us by now.  Every year we go to the pumpkin patch with our family and this year and all I could think about is  how I should be taking pictures of both of my kids with their pumpkins, or on the hayrides with daddy. I'm sure its only going to get harder with all of the upcoming holidays.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Trying to stay healthy. We will be beginning to TTCAL in the next couple of weeks and I've been trying to cut out the diet sodas and get back into the habit of more drinking water.

QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy.  Has anyone been feeling this way? I don't really feel guilt, but I do feel sad when something good happens and our baby is not here to experience it with us. It just seems to magnify the fact that there is something missing and is a reminder of what should have been.

dadalou

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

Nathaniel's marker at the cemetery was finally placed nearly 6 months after we ordered it. We went and saw it on Saturday. That was way harder than I had anticipated.

Sunday was our hospital's annual walk to remember. We went. So did MIL, FIL, and step MIL. I'm glad that they came even though none of them stayed the whole time. It was good to have them meet some of the people that we have met through our grief group and good for us to meet some others that haven't been at meetings with us.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I want DD to pick out something to put at Nathaniel's grave. They are doing fall clean up this week so maybe I'll make it a goal for next week to take her out to buy something for him.

QOTW: My DH got a big promotion at work and told me he felt guilty for being happy.  Has anyone been feeling this way? 

I haven't felt guilty for being happy, but I did feel pretty guilty when we started TTC, like we were trying to replace him though that is not the case at all.