Can't believe he left me

burberrynut

hi everyone. My name is Jess and I'm 34 years old. I have a 11 year old daughter with my ex husband and am 6 months pregnant with my live in boyfriend of two years baby. He recently just told me he didn't love me and that he was moving out. I'm so scared. He has three children from his ex wife and he felt that this baby was replacing them and also wouldn't tell them about her coming. I'm so scared confused have so many questions.. Looking for a therapist to talk too because it's been three weeks now and all I do is cry. I haven't heard from him and feel like this is a bad dream. He was there in the beginning... But then he just panicked. I feel like a fool and feel so guilty for the little girl coming that is innocent in all this

MinnesotaMomma91

Please do not feel like a fool. Im sorry you are in this position, but welcome to the board.

Seeing a counselor will help. But also remember its okay to cry. Your pregnant and as you know with pregnancy comes many hormones and those hormones can make you more weepy then you normally would be right now.

Just remember you are strong, you will persevere, and you will come through a better person. And remember it is your exes loss not to be involved. Hugs and welcome.

20thirteen

Wow.

First, good for you for looking for a therapist.  I had one through my pregnancy and up until DD was about 6 months old. Therapists can help you immensely even just by listening.

And, we (for the most part) have been there.  There are a few lurking SBC parents on this board, but there is a lot of us who were left behind when the fathers decided to walk away or disappear.  We know this hurt, we know this confusion.  There is a lot of support here.

It could also be that he needs space before he gets it in his head that he has a baby on the way and that he needs to be there for you and the baby and comes back.  But don't get your hopes up, there's only a slim chance of that happening.

Right now, focus on yourself, your LO, and your 11yr old.

mindovermatter

Hello, Jess.  I’m so sorry you are in this situation.  I wish I could just give you a big hug right now.  It’s good that you are considering speaking to a counselor – that could really help.  I’m praying for you that God fills you with His wisdom and comfort at this timeJ.

mindovermatter

LindsMichelle

This isn't your fault. This isn't your fault. This isn't your fault! 

Men are pieces of shit (sorry if there are any men here) - I know exactly how you feel, with the exception of I wasn't with this babies father for 2 years, or at all... we were just getting to know each other over 6 months... I assume your baby wasn't planned. That doesn't make him/her as any less of a blessing!

I say this, to you, hoping that I will believe it myself because I too am hurting, but I KNOW what I'm saying is right... I know what I'm saying is true for the both of us.

I know that men can panic with big changes, but that doesn't excuse his behavior under any circumstances. You need to think about finances, will he help financially? Will he be there for the child even if he's not with you? These are questions that, though hard, you need to ask. If he continues this route, be prepared to file for child support, that's what you and your baby will likely need to be comfortable. 

I hope he realizes the mistake he's making, and comes around soon - but don't make it easy if he does. Actually, make it SUPER hard. 

:x