How often do your s12 kids have a tantrum?

shiggybop

Anthony is starting to throw more and more tantrums, and I'm curious to see how often others are dealing with this.

hmp1

I said "not daily" but I really don't know about daycare. They never mention it but as it is typical behavior, not sure they would unless it was a problem. I don't think Leo really tantrums even once a week at home. He will give a definitive "no, mommy" and maybe wiggle and say "no mommy" over and over while I'm helping do what it is that needs to be done (get in his car seat, put on pjs...) but he doesn't have fall on the floor crying tantrums. James does that though so I'm not getting off easy.

Bookelly

SS. Apparently she had her first real, meltdown-y tantrum this morning when MH brought her tools to the ILs house instead of her cars. Like screaming, thrashing, and pounding on the couches. I'm hoping it's an anomaly instead of the beginning of a stage, but we will see either way!

juliane2004

IndigoVader said:

Let's see....

Every time I say no

Every time he says no and I don't listen

Every time Indy says no to him

Every time the boys fight over the toys

Every time he needs a diaper

When I put him in the tub

When I take him out of the tub

When the cats play with him

When the cats don't play with him

When I hold him

When I don't hold him

I am kind of scared of him......

Just kidding, a little. 

Yes, this.

kelbel527

For now, I'm going with daily and I'm counting anything that he cries over a "tantrum."  They don't always result in screaming fits, but crying because I wouldn't let him wear a backpack in his carseat counts.

Sometimes it's multiple times a day.  It's gotten worse since he switched rooms at daycare and I think it's directly correlated with being tired more.

Yesterday he cried for about 30 minutes straight about everything I did.  I cut up his hot dog ("no cut in two, Mama!!", I gave him a shower in his bathroom not in ours, I washed his hair, I put on his pjs....  I'm an awful Mom.

If he goes a day without throwing a tantrum, our big kid makes sure to fill in the gap.  I love my kids.

smb+jab

What do you consider a tantrum?  And all out crying, screaming and thrashing about on the floor?  or just crying with a bit of arm swinging?

The first we don't get that often.  But when he gets frustrated with us, when we say no or don't understand what he wants.  He'd definitely gotten mad that i put his dinner on the wrong plate or given him the wrong cup, or God forbid made him wear pants!  These types of things occur daily.

However if he hits during one of these time, he immediately gets a time out.

MRoxy0628

kelbel527 said:

For now, I'm going with daily and I'm counting anything that he cries over a "tantrum."  They don't always result in screaming fits, but crying because I wouldn't let him wear a backpack in his carseat counts.

Sometimes it's multiple times a day.  It's gotten worse since he switched rooms at daycare and I think it's directly correlated with being tired more.

Yesterday he cried for about 30 minutes straight about everything I did.  I cut up his hot dog ("no cut in two, Mama!!", I gave him a shower in his bathroom not in ours, I washed his hair, I put on his pjs....  I'm an awful Mom.

If he goes a day without throwing a tantrum, our big kid makes sure to fill in the gap.  I love my kids.

We have days like that too. It's very confusing for me when I think I'm doing what she wants, but it turns out I'm not.  I agree that it's usually correlates with her being over-tired. 

@shiggybop I think you're right to ignore a tantrum or give consequences for the throwing and hitting.  What about social stories to help him learn what to do when he's frustrated/upset?  I'm sure @linzeek can chime in more about that too.

kelbel527

shiggybop said:

Anthony cries and when he's really mad, he chases me around and hits me. I ignore the tantrums, but when he starts hitting and throwing I do time outs. At a loss for what else to do #:-S

That's all we do too.  Time-out for trying to hurt someone.  I don't think the time-out does anything for him, but it sets a precedent.  And I need our older kid to see that we're fair in punishing him vs. his brother.  

Regular tantrums (or crying because he didn't get his way), I ignore.  

Pokedot

I can't help but laugh at our responses. I can commiserate. I said once a week but really it could probably be more. We usually have meltdowns when I'm telling him to do someting. If I take his toothbrush away, god help me. Some days I laugh and others I kind turn red in the face and need to walk away especially when it's constant.

MommaP12

She really only has them while getting dressed about 3-4x/week.  

The girl HATES getting dressed - doesn't matter if she picks out her clothes, I hype it up, I make it a race, whatever, it's a nightmare at least half the week.  

Holly_1007

shiggybop said:

Who put never? Teach me your ways

My guess is @linzeek44

Kissty

Every day that he goes to daycare. He only goes 3x week but those 3 days are pure hell in the evening. He'll will whine from pick up to bedtime. Tantrums because I turned on the TV, I didn't turn on the TV, he wants milk, he doesn't want a lid on his cup, bath time, pj's, brushing teeth. Or whatever else he can find. He's generally a typical 2 yr old and minds well the rest of the week.

watercolor5

She really doesn't ever do the meltdown, crying, thrashing on the ground kind of tantrum ever, but she still fights sleep at every nap and bedtime, so there's daily crying from that.

linzeek44

LOL. I'm not sure if E really tantrums. Depends on what you call a tantrum. I'd say maybe once a week he gets mad and cries on the floor. I think he got most of his crying out the first eight months of his life. ha. 

BeebopandBuddy

Multiple times a day here. He wants to "help" with everything and when he can't, like pouring his own milk, we get a full boneless screaming fit. Also if he doesn't get what he wants or if he has to share.

linzeek44

shiggybop said:

Anthony cries and when he's really mad, he chases me around and hits me. I ignore the tantrums, but when he starts hitting and throwing I do time outs. At a loss for what else to do #:-S

I think to think about challenging behavior as needing to teach a missing skill. Right now, hitting and throwing is easiest to meet his need. So what does he need to learn to do instead?

If the hitting and throwing is related to not knowing how to calm down, I'd work on that. If he likes turtles you can use Tucker the Turtle (and it's a ppt so you can edit and modify as you want, including his name or his photo, etc). It's here under scripted stories: https://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/strategies.html

Then you can use times when he isn't super upset to read Tucker, practice tucking, etc. 

I also like to teach breathing. Conscious Discipline has some cute breathing icons. E likes balloon breathing. Three deep breaths is helpful to really stay calm (and Tucker includes that step too). 

Another thing that might be helpful- think about how you respond each time. What language do you use? Is it consistent each time? Since toddlers love consistency and routine, responding in a really consistent way is almost like security to them. I know when I X my mom will do X. 

I like to follow a pattern of validating his emotions- "You're upset because it's time to come instead." or "You'll feeling really disappointed because you wanted to play." Followed by the limit- "You need to come inside. It's not safe to be outside by yourself." Then talking about what he can do- "You can take deep breaths to calm down."

If he's not being gentle, I say "You're feeling really angry about X. It's not safe to hit mama. You can calm down your arms and ask for a hug if you need one." (he already can sorta calm down, so I don't have to go through it with him really. usually validating his emotions- "It's hard to come inside because outside is so fun." can head off some tantrums.)

bosha711

Knock on wood, dd has never had a full blown, throw herself on the floor tantrum. However, I call her the world's worst actress bc she will sometimes slow motion kneel down & then lay down & slap her hand on the floor with a simultaneous pout.

She will cry over something at some point on a daily basis, but I don't consider that a tantrum. As others have stated, my almost 4 year old is happy to fill the tantrum quota.

Flamingemu

L has only ever had 3 really bad, can't calm her down, OMG, tantrums. She gets moody and mad when she is tired or hungry, but I don't really call those tantrums. Usually when I notice her starting to get to the 'no' place, I pull her aside and try to figure out what is wrong with her. Luckily, she has become really verbal lately and can usually tell me what is up.

linzeek44

Being consistent and not seeing results is really frustrating. But that tells you that maybe a piece is missing.

For example, if a toddler tantrums every time they don't want to do a nonpreferred activity, and our response is a time out- we have actually reinforced at trimming because tantrum means the nonpreferred activity is delayed or I miss it because I'm sitting in time out. A good example of why one response might work well for some and not for others.

What does the pattern look like as far as why you think he is tantrumming? To get something he wants? To avoid doing something else? To get attention?

For each one, you would probably see best results by doing three things-
1) making the tantrum not work (so if it is for attention, minimizing the attention you give during redirects) gotta have the correct "why" to figure this out
2) teaching the replacement skill. If it's tantrums for attention, teaching how to get attention appropriately. If it's tantrums to avoid something, having the child calm down and follow through or using a schedule to teach them how to cope with a nonpreferred and then get a more preferred without tantrumming, etc.
3) reinforcing the replacement behavior far more than the tantrum. Celebrating how they did it without tantrumming! Or teaching them to calm down so they can recover after a tantrum.

That's the short version.

Holly_1007

^:)^ @linzeek44

tinyhumantoe

I would say every day a minor fit - crying, sitting on the floor, screaming.... but not long-lasting and fizzles itself out.

I would say once a week a meltdown tantrum.  Something where we have to take her outside to calm down. 

I'm pretty sure she gets it from me.

pharmer78

I just want to keep @linzeek44 talking...I wish you could stay at my house for a week and be my "toddler whisperer".  And so many of these things I'm still needing to work on for my older child. 

MrsKipper

I feel like everyday is one big tantrum right now. I live morning to naptime and then bedtime. Just counting down until it's time. I just don't like this age at all and I hate that she can't comprehend when I try to explain things to her. I'm REALLY ready for her to be a little older and better able to understand direction and correction. I hate how frustrated I get, but it just isn't getting any easier.

LyndseylovesHugh

Well, Audrey has been sick so the past week has been one big tantrum. When she is not sick She has minor meltdowns a few times a day, like crying for a minute or two about something stupid. She may have a full on tantrum, like throw herself on the floor type thing, maybe once a week.

elizabethwig

she's in a big testing limits phase now, and i feel like i'm always asking her to stop an inappropriate behaviour. we try positive consequences for good behaviour often (e.g. you tried everything on your plate, you can have some more of your favourite part; you cooperated well for tooth brushing, you can have a turn now as well) but usually she won't cooperate until she hears that there might be a related negative consequence (if we can't get in the carseat, we can't go to get ice cream).  even then, she'll only "wanna listen!" once i've said that a negative consequence applies. she thinks she can redeem herself by listening at the last minute. which i can't give in to and which, of course, means tantrum.