Surprise on ultrasound, not sure how to process
jesswein9
member
Sorry in advance for the novel, but I need somewhere to get
this all out. I knew that you all would
be the only ones that would really understand the emotions that I am trying to
sort through.
So yesterday I had a dating ultrasound at 11w1d. I had gone through weekly ultrasounds at the RE, but this was the first with the OB practice. Everything was completely fine with my baby, which I was ecstatic about. I even got to see the little one dancing and wiggling arms and legs like crazy in there. During the test the tech said that she found a smaller, empty gestational sac. She said that this most likely meant that I started out having twins and one did not develop.
I really didn’t process any of this until much later in the day, as I was just relieved that my one baby appeared normal and developing on track. Once I had time to really process what else happened during the appointment I had a mix of emotions, which quite frankly I really don’t even know how to put into words. How do you grieve the loss of something that you learned about after it was already gone? To make matters worse my husband clearly said the wrong things not even thinking--- “Well, we didn’t even want twins.” Where did the ‘we’ come from? I certainly never said that. Or then he said, “Well everything is fine with our baby, so just focus on that.” It is all so confusing since this was probably my 6th ultrasound of this pregnancy and none of this was ever discovered before. I contacted my RE to consult her about everything and she said that the ultrasound machine at the OB may just be of higher quality, but it still has me scratching my head a little bit.
What really scares me about the whole thing is that I have already had three previous losses, one that was confirmed chromosomal in nature. Vanishing twin syndrome is often related to chromosomal abnormalities, which then makes me worry about the quality of my eggs and if this current baby that is doing well is in fact chromosomally healthy. Due to my history I had the harmony test done, so I will have that answer in two weeks. Just praying that things are healthy.
Re: Surprise on ultrasound, not sure how to process
I honestly don't know how I would react...I would guess I'd be upset, but it's a very strange situation. Just wanted to send ((hugs))
08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN ,
10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN
04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
9/20/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d
10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
Personally, I do count it as a loss, although it didn't affect me nearly as strongly as my other two single-pregnancy losses. (The main reason I count it is for the information that provides my doctors, similar to what you mentioned about chromosomal issues, not to tally up my woes, or anything like that.) I had ambiguous feelings about the idea of twins, but now I'm entirely focused on the healthy LO still growing. I congratulate you on your otherwise great ultrasound! Sending you hugs for the more difficult parts.
***Losses mentioned.*** TTC #1 since May 2012. Me: 37, OH: 41. Ectopic August 2012 => tubal damage.
EDD 5/2/14, NMC 9/11/13
EDD 10/15/14, CP 2/8/14
IF Diagnosis: PCOS, MFI
Current Cycle: 5 mg Femara/1000mg Metformin + TI = BFP, EDD 4/23/15 Please be our RAINBOW
**ALL AL/IF Welcome**
My Chart
TTC#1 since June 2012
Dx: Unexplained Infertility / AMA
BFP after 4th IUI cycle with Gonal F + Ovidrel on March 2014 | EDD 12/7/14 | MMC on 4/14/14
IUI#5 with Gonal F and Ovidrel trigger on 6/6 - BFN
On to IVF #1 with a new RE. Started Gonal F and Menopur on 8/15. Added Ganirelix on 8/24. Trigger on 8/26 for ER on 8/28. 8R 7M 3F. Transferred all 3 on 8/31. BFP on 9/11 | EDD 5/20/15 - Beta #1: 56.7. Beta #2: 97. Beta #3: 1148. Beta #4: 3559. Beta #4: 7678. MMC confirmed on 10/13. D&C on 10/14 at 9w. Confirmed male with Trisomy 14.
On to IVF #2 in March. CCS Testing on 2 embies. No go. Waiting to start IVF #3 in July. Surprise BFP on 6/14! EDD - 2/20/16 - Beta #1: 121.4. Beta #2: 236.4. Beta #3: 2014.
Fwiw...
As much as I love H, I know he processes things differently and sometimes blurts things out. Doesn't make it okay but it is what it is.
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*