Siblings attending birthday party?

seanswife

DD's party is at a skating rink this year, and we pay a set price per head (kids only), that includes food and skate rental.  Since I have no parent info I went ahead and sent invites in for her whole class (21 kids) and in addition sent out another 8 for close friends/family.  Needless to say, as of now we have about 18 attendees, which is fine because I understood the possibility (however small) that many or most of the kids we invited would attend.

My dilemma is that I have a few parents asking to bring siblings, but I know one or two of them have more than one sibling, and I just can't get on board with paying for that many more kids that weren't originally invited.

Soooooooooo, the question is, how do I tell the parents requesting to bring siblings that they either have to pay for the siblings to attend, OR that we're so sorry, but siblings aren't invited?  I have no idea how to communicate this without sounding rude....help please?  Or am I being rude by not just letting all these siblings attend and paying for them???  (DD is in 1st grade, btw, just so you have an age idea.)

???

emberlee3

Most of the parties we have been invited to are really specific on the "Who:" field of the invitation.  "All are welcome," "Siblings welcome," or "Preschool friends."  One invitation to a bouncy place included the caveat that siblings could attend for the price per head. Personally, I would just pay for siblings this time, and be more specific next time. 

I invited families to DS's last birthday party.  I was a little taken aback by the huge number of RSVPs, and almost regretted not being specific.  But actually, the older sibs LOVED the magic show and really added a great vibe to the party, so I was glad they were there.

littlemermaid

Will the skating rink be open to the public during your party or are you renting it all for yourself?  If the rink will be all yours and you don't want to pay for siblings then just say that you're already at your max headcount. If the public will be able to skate to then you'd can say that they are more than welcome to come skate since there will be open skating, it costs X amount for rentals, there's a concession stand too,  but only the invited child will be able to be part of the party since you are at your max for headcount for food, favors,,etc.

junebugrbig

If the parent asks, just be upfront about it...you can only have XX number of party goers and you can't accomodate siblings.  I am sure they would understand.  Just be consistent...would be weird if you allowed one to bring siblings and not others.

skategirl128

I am having my DS party with a set price per child also but I am also planning on paying for siblings. They might not technically be invited, but I know that weekend time in my house is precious and I have little help as it is so if I had a second (I don't but often have my nephew on weekends for his single mom) I would have to bring them in order for DS to participate, so I'm sensitive to those who ask. Plus my option is the more kids having fun the better!

capulet

I understand not wanting to pay extra for siblings if you're paying per person.  On the other hand - when I RSVP for a party to which DD (2nd grade) is invited I can never know if I will need to bring her younger brother or not because I can't anticipate whether DH will be working on a given weekend.  I leave DS at home with DH if I can, unless I think he'll enjoy the party too, but that isn't always an option.  Most invitations I get are e-vites which ask for the # of adult and children guests, and I RSVP for 2 kid spots if I think DS might come.  (I should add, in DD's social circle, from what I've observed it's typical for siblings to come to parties - several siblings came to her party last year - and most families are small so it doesn't necessarily cause the hosts a lot of additional expense.  This may be different where you are.)

I wouldn't mind paying extra for DS to attend a party that has a per-person expense like that, although I think that expectation should ideally be communicated with the invitation.  I also wouldn't mind dropping off DD at a party if I know parents don't need to stay (I am still figuring out what's normal, but it seems like most parents stay at most parties she attends in the 6-7 age range).  What won't work for our family is a party where I feel DD needs supervision/help (even if it isn't explicitly requested, she'll probably need help at a skating rink) but where I can't bring DS.

neverblushed

I think you can say: you are welcome to bring other children, and we will make sure there's enough cake and ice cream to go around.  But since the skate rental is a pre-paid package, parents will have to pay for siblings to skate.

I am guessing most parents would be fine with this.  If they don't like it -- they don't have to bring along an uninvited extra kid!

groovygrl

I find it so rude to assume a sibling can just come to a bday party, personally, though really moreso w/ people who just show up w/ siblings w/out telling you- it is different if people ask b/c they have circumstances where they need to bring the sib.  I have no issue w/ ppl bringing one and hanging out separately or whatever, but then to assume they can get the food, activity, favor (without telling/asking the host about bringing the sib) is really so bizarre to me. But in your case, I would respond sure, rental/admission for kids under 12 is $5.  (or whatever)

We have always made sure to have extra cake for parents/sibs (if they show up) but this last bday was awkward b/c I got very specific favors and didnt' buy a bunch of extra and then random siblings (who I didn't know were even coming) were asking if they could take one and I didn't think I'd have enough.
I have twins and if only one gets an invite ( thankfully this only happens if it is a boys/girls only party) i do not bring the other one along nor assume they're invited. I explain to the other one that it is a girls/boys only party and the not invited child gets to go do something fun w/ the other parent. Obviously the other parent has to be available to go do that, if not, then we wouldn't go or I'd figure something else out for the other child. It is prob different if they're different ages and therefore don't really know all the other kids at the party & could do something a little separate from the group but I really don't understand why people assume it is fine to do this at a place that charges admission or per head, and I have to disagree that someone has to specify that on an invitation? I invited Johnny, why do I have to tell you that if you want to also bring brother Jimmy to a place that charges admission that you need to pay for that?

capulet

groovygrl said:

I find it so rude to assume a sibling can just come to a bday party, personally, though really moreso w/ people who just show up w/ siblings w/out telling you- it is different if people ask b/c they have circumstances where they need to bring the sib.  I have no issue w/ ppl bringing one and hanging out separately or whatever, but then to assume they can get the food, activity, favor (without telling/asking the host about bringing the sib) is really so bizarre to me. But in your case, I would respond sure, rental/admission for kids under 12 is $5.  (or whatever)

We have always made sure to have extra cake for parents/sibs (if they show up) but this last bday was awkward b/c I got very specific favors and didnt' buy a bunch of extra and then random siblings (who I didn't know were even coming) were asking if they could take one and I didn't think I'd have enough.
I have twins and if only one gets an invite ( thankfully this only happens if it is a boys/girls only party) i do not bring the other one along nor assume they're invited. I explain to the other one that it is a girls/boys only party and the not invited child gets to go do something fun w/ the other parent. Obviously the other parent has to be available to go do that, if not, then we wouldn't go or I'd figure something else out for the other child. It is prob different if they're different ages and therefore don't really know all the other kids at the party & could do something a little separate from the group but I really don't understand why people assume it is fine to do this at a place that charges admission or per head, and I have to disagree that someone has to specify that on an invitation? I invited Johnny, why do I have to tell you that if you want to also bring brother Jimmy to a place that charges admission that you need to pay for that?

It doesn't necessarily need to be specified on the invitation, but as a parent who takes DD to a lot of parties and can never anticipate when I RSVP whether DH will be available to care for our other child, I really appreciate when the expectations for what I can do with the other child, whatever they are, are communicated clearly somehow.  In reality, I know most of the parents of DD's classmates/friends so communication isn't a big issue, plus siblings are usually invited to parties anyway.

macchiatto

neverblushed said:

I think you can say: you are welcome to bring other children, and we will make sure there's enough cake and ice cream to go around.  But since the skate rental is a pre-paid package, parents will have to pay for siblings to skate.

I am guessing most parents would be fine with this.  If they don't like it -- they don't have to bring along an uninvited extra kid!

I think that's what I would do. We have specified "siblings welcome" and invited fewer kids so we could accommodate siblings but going forward I think we might handle it differently. I think if the invitation only has your child's friend's name on it, parents shouldn't just assume that siblings are invited but since they may not have a childcare option, it's nice to give them the option of bringing siblings as long as they're fine with paying for them.

macchiatto

capulet said:

groovygrl said:

I find it so rude to assume a sibling can just come to a bday party, personally, though really moreso w/ people who just show up w/ siblings w/out telling you- it is different if people ask b/c they have circumstances where they need to bring the sib.  I have no issue w/ ppl bringing one and hanging out separately or whatever, but then to assume they can get the food, activity, favor (without telling/asking the host about bringing the sib) is really so bizarre to me. But in your case, I would respond sure, rental/admission for kids under 12 is $5.  (or whatever)

We have always made sure to have extra cake for parents/sibs (if they show up) but this last bday was awkward b/c I got very specific favors and didnt' buy a bunch of extra and then random siblings (who I didn't know were even coming) were asking if they could take one and I didn't think I'd have enough.
I have twins and if only one gets an invite ( thankfully this only happens if it is a boys/girls only party) i do not bring the other one along nor assume they're invited. I explain to the other one that it is a girls/boys only party and the not invited child gets to go do something fun w/ the other parent. Obviously the other parent has to be available to go do that, if not, then we wouldn't go or I'd figure something else out for the other child. It is prob different if they're different ages and therefore don't really know all the other kids at the party & could do something a little separate from the group but I really don't understand why people assume it is fine to do this at a place that charges admission or per head, and I have to disagree that someone has to specify that on an invitation? I invited Johnny, why do I have to tell you that if you want to also bring brother Jimmy to a place that charges admission that you need to pay for that?

It doesn't necessarily need to be specified on the invitation, but as a parent who takes DD to a lot of parties and can never anticipate when I RSVP whether DH will be available to care for our other child, I really appreciate when the expectations for what I can do with the other child, whatever they are, are communicated clearly somehow.  In reality, I know most of the parents of DD's classmates/friends so communication isn't a big issue, plus siblings are usually invited to parties anyway.

I think if it's an invitation that lists "Casey" and doesn't say "Casey and family" or whatever, then you should assume that only "Casey" (and parent(s) unless you know it's a drop-off party) is invited. I do think it's fine to ask about bringing siblings since often that's the only way "Casey" can attend but to be prepared to pay for them. It's more vague with an evite.

But I agree with you that this type of thing is going to vary by area/circle so there may not be across-the-board norms. I just think in general with invitations, a good rule of thumb is that unless someone's name is on the invitation you should assume they're not invited.