Virtual Showers

jaztastic

I'm tagging our resident shower expert for what maybe the code of conduct here.... @ordinary1‌

What's the general feel for virtual showers? I was a part of one about a year ago, and just recently got an evite to another one (different person, same social group). 

I honestly didn't have any issue with it, it was different and fun. My friend lives in Hawaii while her husband is contracted for work and she couldn't get home for a shower (not to mention shipping everything back home). 

Anybody experience anything like this and had major side eyes about it? Just curious what the general feel is on the board. 

NQueen11

We did it for my sister because her husband was stationed in Texas for military training (we are in the Midwest). I thought it was a great solution. Then she waited until the baby was born to travel home so we could meet him. She couldn't afford to come home twice.

ordinary1

Personally, I think they are tacky. I don't want to fight for screen time to see the MTB. One alternative I am on the fence about is a shower in a box. Family and friends get together and send a box to the MTB for her and her husband to open. MTB is still showered with love and I don't have to sit around a screen to talk to her for minutes.

jennjilljo

Anyone who had been around the military is aware of them. I think that they're a fun and neat way to do things for the expectant mom when she cannot travel to the party and the party cannot come to her. I'm pro e-showers.

jaztastic

ordinary1 said:

Personally, I think they are tacky. I don't want to fight for screen time to see the MTB. One alternative I am on the fence about is a shower in a box. Family and friends get together and send a box to the MTB for her and her husband to open. MTB is still showered with love and I don't have to sit around a screen to talk to her for minutes.

The one we did last year wasn't through Skype or anything. It started on a Thursday, with little games, and people responded when they could with answers and such. There was a "live chat" for 2hrs on that Saturday. Where everyone basically Facebook'd on the event page at the same time. We all bought gifts prior for her to pick up at local stores... game winners were announced, and a few days later she posted an album of all the gifts people sent.

ordinary1

jaztastic said:

ordinary1 said:

Personally, I think they are tacky. I don't want to fight for screen time to see the MTB. One alternative I am on the fence about is a shower in a box. Family and friends get together and send a box to the MTB for her and her husband to open. MTB is still showered with love and I don't have to sit around a screen to talk to her for minutes.

The one we did last year wasn't through Skype or anything. It started on a Thursday, with little games, and people responded when they could with answers and such. There was a "live chat" for 2hrs on that Saturday. Where everyone basically Facebook'd on the event page at the same time. We all bought gifts prior for her to pick up at local stores... game winners were announced, and a few days later she posted an album of all the gifts people sent.

Hmm. I haven't heard of a virtual shower like that before. That sounds a lot better than one over Skype.

jaztastic

If I were making a confession, I'm starting to favor them and hope they become a new norm (just after I have mine and all)

jennjilljo

jaztastic said:

If I were making a confession, I'm starting to favor them and hope they become a new norm (just after I have mine and all)

I agree. I would rather have a Facebook chat party and watch a video/see pictures of someone showing off their gifts in their nursery than show up and guess the waist size of a woman already feeling self conscious.

ordinary1

I prefer in-person showers. I like to socialize and get away from my hellion...er daughter for a bit. I can see the appeal for those that can't have an in-person shower for one reason or another, and would prefer a FB party over a Skype shower. 

jaztastic

ordinary1 said:

I prefer in-person showers. I like to socialize and get away from my hellion...er daughter for a bit. I can see the appeal for those that can't have an in-person shower for one reason or another, and would prefer a FB party over a Skype shower. 

How old is little ordinary?

ordinary1

You're totally going to laugh. I'm 23.

jaztastic

ordinary1 said:

You're totally going to laugh. I'm 23.

Lmao... I was asking about your daughter.

StephanieLBerg

ordinary1 said:

You're totally going to laugh. I'm 23.

I think she was asking about your daughter's age

ordinary1

Bahaha! Clearly it's time for me to step away from homework, because my brain is mush! Annabelle is almost a year and a half.

jaztastic

Yea it's bedtime lol.

ordinary1

I wish. Unfortunately I still have homework to do.  (

TexasMamma0809

Are gift card showers bad or poor taste? We had one for our wedding since DH is originally from a far away state. I think MIL might want to do another for baby?

schnitz9

We had one for my BFF bridal shower.  It was fun.  She lives in Miami and we are all up north.  She was also getting married in Jamaica and there was only 25 of us there.  It was a great way for her big family and all of our friends to have some sort of participation in her wedding.

kefttsc

Showing my ignorance here....what the heck is a virtual shower???

jennjilljo

@TexasMamma0809‌, I don't think it's in bad taste to make people aware that you would be happy with gift cards but would be if you asked specifically only to give you gift cards. IMO that's like dictating what people can buy you and comes across as rude even if you don't mean it to.

@kefttsc‌, virtual showers are baby showers that take place through an Internet chats, Skype, videos and other mediums that would allow people to enjoy talking to one another and sharing excitement over the baby without being centrally located.

ordinary1

Anytime guests are being told what to buy it is tacky (gift cards only, book instead of a card, diaper party/raffle, wishing well, etc.).

schnitz9

I had a friend who asked for a donation to a specific charity instead of presents.  Do you all find this tacky???

jaztastic

Question kinda off topic, but still related to showers. 

Opening gifts at showers, how do you feel about it? 

@holachicaaa you mentioned the excitement around seeing MTB react to gifts... so Im wondering if its offense if gifts arent opened at showers.

I tend to enjoy birthday parties, showers etc... where gifts are not opened at the event. But I guess it also depends on the style of party you are having. 

I know for Baby Shower #1, there will not be gift opening. One reason is because its a really big party style shower, and second, because there will be too many people to open that many gifts during the event. But it will probably be a part of Baby Shower #2 since it will be more traditional style shower although still coed. 

jaztastic

schnitz9 said:

I had a friend who asked for a donation to a specific charity instead of presents.  Do you all find this tacky???

This was going to be me... The goal was to say something like "While all gifts are welcomed, the Parents To Be are suggestions donations made in their honor to XYZ foundation"  But my mom convinced us to let people shop for us, and we make the donation with the money we would have spent on the items we receive instead. 

I dont see listing preferences as tacky, but I think it all depends on how its said/worded. 

ordinary1

Yes it is tacky to want to donate instead of gift. While I'm sure the intention is good, there are two problems. The first is people know what charities they want to donate to for the year and have already allocated money for it. The second is someone may not agree with the charity for one reason or another.

Presents should always be opened. I promise it doesn't take as long as people make it out to be. If I am giving someone a gift, I want to see it opened and not in a tacky 'display' shower.

MapleMomma

@jaztastic‌ I can only speak in regards to my bridal showers, but I HATE opening the gifts. I let my 2 &4 yr old nieces help and that made it feel like less people were staring. I do think opening the gifts is pretty much required though.

HerHighness

I wouldn't have an issue with a virtual shower if it was a very close friend or close family member. If it was uncle Jim bobs, uncles, cousins, daughter then i would probably side eye. With a close friend or family member id probably be sending a gift anyway.

I do love watching people open shower gifts. I wouldnt like it if gifts weren't opened at the shower. I do think there are ways that this could happen thru the internet to make guests happy. Ive done lots of secret sister type swaps where people took photographs etc of gifts and uploaded them. Ive also seen showers where everyone met and had the shower and MTB was on Skype. Someone opened presents in the MTBs place and then grandma took gifts out when she traveled for birth. This way the guests still went to the party.

I do think telling people what to buy (i.e. Gift cards) is tacky. I see registries as suggestions not a list of demands.

foxslaw

Is it tacky not to play games? Is it tacky to request to the host that you're not really into games?

Edit: my shower will be co/ed with mostly young 20 somethings

jennjilljo

jaztastic said:

schnitz9 said:

I had a friend who asked for a donation to a specific charity instead of presents.  Do you all find this tacky???

This was going to be me... The goal was to say something like "While all gifts are welcomed, the Parents To Be are suggestions donations made in their honor to XYZ foundation"  But my mom convinced us to let people shop for us, and we make the donation with the money we would have spent on the items we receive instead. 

I dont see listing preferences as tacky, but I think it all depends on how its said/worded. 

I feel like it's tacky to take away the option for guests to buy what they want for the family. I'm fine with preferences, suggestions or ___ are welcomed but I think there should be some element of choice in the matter.

foxslaw

I don't think opening gifts at showers is tacky, but I wouldn't find NOT opening gifts to be tacky either @jaztastic‌

Though I do agree that it's nice to see a reaction to the gift you've given. Also, I feel like if you are not going to open gifts in front of people you HAVE to write a really nice thank you note (though that should be done regardless).

HerHighness

foxslaw said:

Is it tacky not to play games? Is it tacky to request to the host that you're not really into games? Edit: my shower will be co/ed with mostly young 20 somethings

I dont think so. Some games are super lame and unnecessary. There are fun things that people can do without them being a game.

jaztastic

ordinary1 said:

Yes it is tacky to want to donate instead of gift. While I'm sure the intention is good, there are two problems. The first is people know what charities they want to donate to for the year and have already allocated money for it. The second is someone may not agree with the charity for one reason or another. Presents should always be opened. I promise it doesn't take as long as people make it out to be. If I am giving someone a gift, I want to see it opened and not in a tacky 'display' shower.

lol Im just going to invite you back to my house to open gifts then, because I refuse to open 90+ gifts at a shower when I just want to party and mingle with friends and family. There were 80 woman at my bridal shower, and it took almost 2 hrs to open gifts. I was OVER IT after a while and towards the end wasnt even really paying the gifts any attention just for the sake of getting through them all.  I found stuff afterwards that I didnt even know I had gotten. 

ordinary1

Holy crap to 80 people at a bridal shower! I have a decent size family and didn't have that many people at my shower. Heck, I opened my wedding presents in less time!

jaztastic

foxslaw said:

Is it tacky not to play games? Is it tacky to request to the host that you're not really into games? Edit: my shower will be co/ed with mostly young 20 somethings

Ive hosted a few (8) coed baby showers for friends, and both of my showers will be coed. You do not HAVE to play games, but there are lots of fun things to get both men and women involved, especially if what you do is battle of the sexes active games. Steer clear of sit down, "unscramble the baby item word" games. 

Let me know if you need/want suggestions. 

Coed showers need to cater (IMO) to both men and women if thats the route you are going for the shower ... from decor, to food, to activities. 

ETA: words/clarification

jennjilljo

I have no opinion on games or presents. I like seeing reactions to presents but add long as I get a call or a note to let me know that it was appreciated I'm happy. Games can be fun. I enjoyed watching adults race to finish their unmarked baby food, race to finish a bottle or really concentrating on what flavor that baby food was. I would have been fine without them though.

foxslaw

jaztastic said:

foxslaw said:

Is it tacky not to play games? Is it tacky to request to the host that you're not really into games?

Edit: my shower will be co/ed with mostly young 20 somethings

Ive a few (8) coed baby showers for friends, and both of my showers will be coed. You do not HAVE to play games, but there are lots of fun things to get both men and women involved. Especially if what you do is battle of the sexes active games. Steer clear of sit down, "unscramble the baby item word" games. 

Let me know if you need/want suggestions. 

Coed showers need to cater (IMO) to both men and women if thats the route you are going for the shower ... from decor, to food, to activities. 

Thank you, @jaztastic‌. I'll definitely do that.

jaztastic

ordinary1 said:

Holy crap to 80 people at a bridal shower! I have a decent size family and didn't have that many people at my shower. Heck, I opened my wedding presents in less time!

Yeaaaaaaaa I have a really large social circle/family. And trust me when I say that people were left out and I got to hear the ear full from guests who werent included. Im like, I DIDNT THROW THE SHOWER... but I still had to deal with the backlash. 

jaztastic

I sort of feel bad sometimes opening gifts in front of people... I've mentioned before to you all that I cant hide my reactions/expressions. People put a lot of time/money and energy into getting gifts, but my reaction to the stroller system I want is not going to be the same as my reaction to a blanket set and bibs. Also, certain gifts mean different things from different people. 

For example, one of my good friends and I were pregnant at the same time, and we both picked out the same baby swing for our babies. I had my loss a little less than a month before her shower, but still went and I got her the swing we picked out for our babies. That moment at the shower, was so private and deep between us. I had no idea it would be such a big deal at the time. We both sat there like idiots crying and aw'ing the swing. I could only imagine how everyone else felt about their gift response. 

LilTiger15

For my first pregnancy, my MIL and my husband's side of the family really wanted to give me a virtual shower because they live 900 miles away and couldn't make it to my local shower.  My husband's aunt had it at her house and we did the whole thing over Skype.  It was a lot of fun.  They opened each gift so we could see.  I thought they were all very sweet to want to have a party on our behalf.  My in-laws brought us the gifts when they came down to visit after the baby was born. 

schnitz9

ordinary1 said:

Yes it is tacky to want to donate instead of gift. While I'm sure the intention is good, there are two problems. The first is people know what charities they want to donate to for the year and have already allocated money for it. The second is someone may not agree with the charity for one reason or another. Presents should always be opened. I promise it doesn't take as long as people make it out to be. If I am giving someone a gift, I want to see it opened and not in a tacky 'display' shower.

@ordinary1 this is where I may get a bit snarky or defensive.  I understand your opinion but it seems as though everything is "tacky" to you.  First off my friend had actually had a still born baby the year before due to a fatal disorder.  The couple was well off and was able to afford their own stuff.  Instead of having people give gifts there was note in the invitation that read "no gift necessary, but if you would like to donate to the diseases cause that would be nice". Again this was a get together to celebrate the mother and she was excited about the support and not the presents.  I see above you have written that you are 23.  I am 11 years older than you.  Come to me in 11 years and tell me what you think is tacky.  I was in no way offended by this invitation and frankly thought it was beautiful thing that they were doing.  I'm not trying to be nasty I'm just getting tired of every little thing being tacky.  Times change rapidly and we have to all conform to that. I would like to see where these so called rules are written down in stone. Trust me I was very set in my ways once.  But over the years I've had to change.  If I look back 10 years my thoughts on many things are much different. I know it is not your intention but some of your opinions have actually come to offend me.  I am a FTM who is going to be 34.  I have stood there for my friends in 18 weddings, am godmother to 9 of my friends kids, and planned over 30 showers myself.  I am the last of them all to get married and have kids.  It doesn't always have be perfect or follow the rules.  I believe every woman deserves to have the bridal shower, wedding, baby shower she wants.  Not what everybody tells her to have. We can all have our opinions, but at the same time a bit of compassion is also much appreciated....

ordinary1

First off, I don't care about age because age doesn't equal maturity. I know many people that are younger than me that are quite mature just like I know. Many people older than me that are immature. So if you're going to play the age game, I don't have the patience for that crap. Second of all, there is a difference between suggesting a donation to a specific cause and demanding one. It is the same with any other gift. If someone asks, what you need/want, suggesting donating to a certain charity or a certain item is fine/normal. Someone asking what you want/need and saying we are only accepting donations/whatever else item is tacky and rude, because it is telling someone how to spend their money. Third of all, no there are no written rules, but personally I would rather not offend a family member/friend by possibly making them feel uncomfortable.