*sensitive question in regards to anxiety (loss mentioned)

graceanne927

Hi Ladies - I've been mia lately as I have been trying to take a breather on TTC by not obsessing so much and one of the ways for me to do that was to take a step away from TB.  Although, I think the support here is truly amazing and I feel really happy that I found a safe place to land so early after my loss.   Recently I have found out my Dad is end stage kidney failure and I think that in addition to my loss earlier this year it is taking a toll on me physically and mentally.  I went to the ER this past Saturday b/c I was having trouble breathing and felt like my heart was racing - they did an EKG, blood tests, and xray of my chest and everything looks good - they chalked it up to anxiety and stress.  I went to my own dr. on Monday just to follow up w/ her and she examined me also and advised speaking w/ a counselor and possibly medication to help me cope w/ everything.  The thing is - yes I feel heavy at times thinking of the worse case to happen to my father and sometimes get caught up w/ the thought w/ maybe we won't ever conceive our rainbow baby but I don't generally feel "stuck" in that...overall, I feel happy w/ my life and very blessed.  But I know that I can be very fearful of the future at times and that steals my joy of the present - if that makes sense. I think the thought of losing my Dad has been overwhelming for me and his health is so fragile right now...it has put me in a new fragile state that I have never experienced before. Where stress can cause such physical distress on me that I can feel myself having difficulty breathing...are there any others on here that have experienced this also?  I'm just looking for ways to overcome w/o being put on medication and in the meantime of setting up an appt w/ a counselor.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

graceanne927

@greeneyes842 Oh yes please!  I would so appreciate that!!  Thank you!

BookishMomma

I suffer from anxiety, too. I've never had panic attacks. My anxiety tends to spiral in on itself until I sink into a depression. I see a psychiatrist and take meds (Zoloft). The decision to go on meds was a scary one. I tried everything before getting to that point (yoga, acupuncture, exercise, counseling, etc) until finally my counselor said, "Well, it might be time to talk about medication." Once I got to the point of going on meds, though, I switched to a psychiatrist who specializes in anxiety & depression in women. 

rslh10

I am so sorry to hear about your father. Big hugs to you and I will be thinking of you. In regards to stress/anxiety in general, I know there have been a few notable times in my life where I've felt the darkness of depression and lately (the past year and a half) my anxiety is out of control at times. I find myself not wanting to drive, not wanting to go places etc. If I'm having a small panic attack, I call my sister. She has them and takes medication so it's nice to hear her voice to calm me down.

I wanted to tell you that you're not alone in having those feelings (as other ladies have stated). Big giant ((hugs)) lady. I think seeking out a therapist is a great idea. Also, @Greeneyes842‌ has a way with words, so definitely talk to her

graceanne927

Thank you so much @ashtog...I hope the rescue remedy works well for you. Let me know how it goes.  I'll prob def pm you just to give you fair warning  

@bookishmama How do you feel on zoloft? Do you feel like your anxiety has gone away altogether? I am wondering if it would be beneficial just to go on something like that b/c like I said my Dad's health is very precarious right now...if I"m already not handling things well I can't imagine how I might fall apart if and when anything should happen to him.  I was thinking of doing acupuncture also...I've heard it's very calming.

BookishMomma

graceanne927 said:

@bookishmama How do you feel on zoloft? Do you feel like your anxiety has gone away altogether? I am wondering if it would be beneficial just to go on something like that b/c like I said my Dad's health is very precarious right now...if I"m already not handling things well I can't imagine how I might fall apart if and when anything should happen to him.  I was thinking of doing acupuncture also...I've heard it's very calming.

I don't feel like my anxiety has gone away altogether... it's too ingrained in my personality to go away completely. But the drug definitely takes the edge off my anxiety and keeps it from spiraling out of control. Things that used to send me into a tailspin of dark thoughts and "what ifs" don't completely take over my days anymore.  

Menrandes

I too experience rather severe anxiety at times.  The panic attacks are the worst.  They've gotten better over the years with help from diet, breathing exercises, and yoga.  I had to remove all sources of caffeine, including chocolate, before I was able to get it more under control.
But when I am in one, I find that shocking myself helps.  Like, drinking something cold, or if the weather is right for it, going outside into the cold.  It helps me focus on the other thing rather than the feelings of panic. 
Peppermint tea is amazing to calm myself down when I am feeling anxious.  Or just taking a long walk. 

ETA: I used to take xanax on a daily basis for years.  But I didn't like how they made me feel when I wasn't feeling anxious.  Sort of zombie like, so I ended up weaning off of them and trying the other methods of relaxation.

I am so sorry you are going through this!

jms627

@graceanne927 - I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  I have struggled with anxiety for my entire life, diagnosed with pretty Generalized Anxiety Disorder at nineteen and started treatment with an antidepressant and therapy.  I stopped medication after a few good years, but then developed severe panic attacks that sent me to an ER thinking that I was having a heart attack.  I know how terrifying they are.  I sought out cognitive behavioral therapy as well as medication (Zoloft) which really helped.  Sometimes therapy is enough, but for me it was not. You're already making a really great proactive step in setting up an appointment with a professional, and you can decide further treatment from there.

I will admit, though my panic had been under control for a year and half, the recent m/c set me back again.  I've recently started yoga to supplement treatment.  Any traumatic life event can trigger it, and with the fact that you've had two this year with your loss and your father's illness, it's not surprising that the anxiety and stress are manifesting in this way. 

Everyone has offered great advice. All I can add is that you are NOT alone.  Please don't hesitate to PM if you have any questions or want to chat or anything!  Wishing you all the best!

graceanne927

@bookishmama ok thanks for letting me know.  The what-ifs is def having full control of my mind and spirit these days...thus my condition.  

@menrandes - Ok you are a life saver.  I seriously have been trying to have a mind over matter w/ this anxiety thing and I just want to resume my normal life.  And that includes a cup of coffee in the morning.  That was a big mistake today!  I thought at first great I'm doing well but then all of sudden I'm trying to take control of my breathing again.  As of last week I think I instinctively knew to cut out caffeine so I only have been drinking decaf...and there's only been one other time since today that I drank reg coffee and i could only get half a cup down w/o feeling "panic" coming on. I felt like something was lodged in my throat!  So I guess there is something to it after all.  I really was starting to feel like something seriously is wrong w/ me.  You all do not even know how relieved I am to hear your feedback.  I'm sorry that anyone else has to struggle w/ this b/c it sucks (A LOT) but you can not know how thankful I am for taking the time to respond to me today.  (((hugs))) to all of you!

beemaya83

@graceanne927 I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I think you mentioned this in a post a few weeks back. I lost my father due to kidney failure and other complications about a year and a half ago. Although he had been very ill for a while, we didn't expect him to leave us so soon. Nothing can prepare us of losing a parent. But I can tell you now, that although I miss my dad very much, I feel okay and at peace because I was able to enjoy 30 wonderful years with him. I guess what I'm trying to say is to enjoy every moment that you have with him. You just said yourself that overall you are happy with your life and blessed. Try to remember that when your anxiety comes creeping up on you.

I too have suffered from anxiety, and its been around since I was in middle school. Now that I'm in my 30's, I've learned how to "deal" with it. I did see a few therapist to help me cope. I strongly beleive that medication is not the answer for everyone. At least in my case, the therapist showed me other ways to cope with my anxiety. From what you described, it sounds like you had a panic attack. Next time, if you feel it coming on, take a step back, close your eyes, and take a few deep breaths.  I think that what you are feeling is "normal" for all that you are going through. Talking about it with a professional will help.

Sending you big squishy hugs!!

 

graceanne927

@beemaya83 Oh yes I remember you!  Thank you for your words and encouragement.  I think the fear of the unknown is what is causing me so much anxiety.  I don't know what the future is going to be like for him healthwise. I don't know what it's like to lose a parent.  I can't imagine a world w/o my father in it.  So it's that fear that I know is causing my anxiety. It's just been a rough year emotionally.  I guess we all having our breaking points.  I just thought I was doing better than I actually am...that's tough for me.  I always want to control so much...if there is a problem I want to find a solution.  It's coming to terms w/ the fact that some things can't be fixed.     

Thanks for reaching out again.  Big hugs back to you!

MrsG80inTN

Hugs!  I'm definitely keeping you in my thoughts.  For me, working out helps me a lot... it helps me feel like I'm in control of something and gets endorphins out.  Other than that I also find that talking to someone can help, and I participate in a Bible study because it's somethign that I enjoy that also helps me.

SeaParrot

ashtog said:

@graceanne927 I am so sorry that you are going through this, and having the extra worry about your dad's health. I have always had issues with anxiety but recently in the last few months it has gotten much much worse. my counsellor suggested rescue remedy (apparently a holistic treatment for stress and anxiety)which I am going to pick up tomorrow afternoon, and we are upping my appt to biweekly instead of once a month. I will keep your dad in my T&P's and sending you {{hugs}} feel free to pm if you ever want to rant or vent or anything

I would recommend against rescue remedy - it's homeopathic, which means it's based on the concept that diluting a substance makes it 'more powerful' (counter to all basic concepts of chemistry and physics.) Homeopathy is nothing but a placebo - they are literally more diluted than a single drop in an ocean. It is essentially impossible that any of the original substance remains, and there has never been any good-quality evidence that homeopathic preparations have any effect beyond placebo. When dealing with actual issues of mental health, please use real medicine and/or therapies like CBT, not water/dilute alcohol that is deceitfully marketed as real treatment. A lot of people mistakenly think that homeopathic is the same as herbal - it isn't. While some herbs have actual pharmaceutical effects (St. John's wort has an actual effect as an SNRI, for instance) homeopathics are so diluted that there's no possible way for them to have any physiologic effect.

SeaParrot

I have suffered from serious anxiety myself, and the trouble breathing you describe is very familiar to me. It took a long time to make my way through the mental health care system and to reach out to the resources that could help. I found a counsellor who helped me identify my triggers and cope with them better, to come up with graduated approaches to the things that made me most anxious. Learning where my limits were for caffeine helped (too much and I get 'mentally jittery') and, eventually, pharmacotherapy helped too, though I was resistant to using it for a long time. I take a low dose (about half the usual) of bupropion, and it was a life-changing decision for me. I do not have any side effects with it. Not everyone needs medication, and I am not suggesting you need it, but it was the final piece in the puzzle and closed the door on a decade-long struggle to get a handle on my mental health and I wonder how much less time I might have suffered if I had considered it earlier. It can't hurt to keep your mind open to the possibility of medication, as one possible tool in dealing with anxiety, if other approaches don't help, or don't help enough.
Seeing a counsellor is definitely the best place to start, and a very hard step to take. Good for you for making the appointment. Good luck with it, and I hope you're able to get a handle on your anxiety soon. It can be such a beast.

meredithcarole

I am sorry to hear about your dad. Anxiety has a funny way of sneaking up on you, in my experience. Over time I have learned how to deal with mine, but it can be a challenge. Therapy definitely helps. I also think that yoga really has a good affect, too. I also like to write when I am feeling under a lot of pressure. It helps me express what I am feeling and that in turn helps me cope.

beemaya83

This quote holds true for me: "Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be" @graceanne927‌

kreardon11

graceanne927 - I am so so, so, sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you had a panic attack. I suffer from anxiety, and oddly enough, the only time in the last year when I didn't have anxiety was when I was PG...I realized I had to slow down because I had something growing inside of me. After my MC, the anxiety started up again and with a vengeance. I now see a therapist 1x/week and it's helped IMMENSELY. At the height of my anxiety, I was also taking Xanex nearly 4x/week to cope with the attacks. With the help of my therapist, I'm now Xanex free, but still carry it just in case. I would also recommend seeing a chiropractor and trying out acupuncture which is equally helpful. Best of luck and feel free to PM me about this. 

kreardon11

graceanne927 - I would also add that for me, anxiety came from supporessing emotions for far too long. When I'm anxious, I now journal or run through the emotions I'm experiencing at that time to help myself see where the anxiety is coming from. ((hugs))

graceanne927

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and kind words...just taking the time to write on here and letting me know that I'm not alone means a great deal.  I got to spend some unexpected but fully enjoyable time w/ my parents on Sunday!  They were traveling about a hour away from where we live and we got to meet up w/ them and enjoy a day w/ them....out of blue goodness!  My parents live over 8 hrs away and I think w/ everything going on health wise w/ my Dad it makes it more difficult to cope b/c I don't get to see them every day.  So just to hug his neck and see him for face to face for a few hours makes me feel stronger. I know it was out of their way also to make time for us to see each other and I think they needed to show me that they are good - taking things one day at a time - and still appreciating life together.  They just celebrated 39 years together  Anyway, I realize that therapy is probably the best first step for me to take.  I have an appt scheduled for next week.  

For those of you who have shared you have/are experiencing anxiety as well; please know I'm thinking of you all and keeping you in my prayers.  This is why I value TB so much.  It can become such a burden to focus too much energy on your own worries and troubles...but to offer support and give an extra boost of encouragement to someone else who desperately needs it  can be so gratifying & healing... even when you're hurting yourself.  

peregrinefalconx

I'm so sorry too. Gotta love how life piles it on. I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And have just done about everything over the years. I am trying, yet again, to go med free. So far so good, you know, except the waking up during the night with my mind churning through all the things I can somewhat manage to avoid during the day. Anxiety is just our protective system run amok. There are so many techniques to try and manage it.

In your case, perhaps acceptance is a good place to start. Talk to it. Tell it you understand why it is worried, that you have a lot of scary things going on. Comfort it. So much time is spent trying to stop it, control it, etc. Different times of anxiety call for different techniques. Right now, I think you need comfort. This isn't made up situations or "what ifs", as much anxiety is. Panic attacks are less psychological/more physical and may improve with meds, while the psych anxiety is more complicated.

I could list off about 50 ways to help you deal with it...meds can help, but they never eliminated the anxiety for me, but there are many, many options to try and mediate it. Feel free to PM me.

kreardon11

graceanne927 - You'll get through it!!!! I have faith!!!!! ((hugs))