Breast feeding without a cover at back to school night -oh my!

dani727

Just had to share my experience tonight. A students mother (who by the way has a kindie boy with a very androgynous name and haircut- and I mistook him for a girl) came in to my classroom tonight carrying her baby with her breast completely out (nipple and all) and basically walked around the school to all the teachers for over an hour like that (baby had fallen asleep while breastfeeding and she kept him there on the boob to keep him asleep ). I can be a pretty crunchy girl, but dude!!! That was some crazy shit. So I'm just wondering if you guys agree that back to school night is probably an inappropriate place to parade your breasts. Thoughts?

cesquer

Hilarious. I was going to post the same question just now.

Took a friend to Disneyland and she brought her baby. When it was time to feed her, she just whipped out her large breast and fed her. It was a super crowded day. People were totally staring. Mostly because her boob was twice the size of the baby's head.

Not sure how I feel about this. I think I would opt for a cover. She was totally "I am woman hear me roar."

cesquer

^ totally valid points. I think I would be self-conscious that pervs would look at it a different way. Question: does anyone know what they do in Europe? They're comfy with breasts at beaches.... Wondering how they feel about this.

chaysefaith

I'm just curious about the part where she had her nipple on display...was baby on the boob or not?

I've never breastfed, maybe they unlatch when they fall asleep and bottle fed kids don't? I just don't see how, even if baby was sleeping, she would be blasting her nip to an entire school of children.

And like I said, I've never breastfed so my opinion could change if I do this time, but I think I would be covered in that situation. I would feel uncomfortable but that's me and my issue. I still don't think there's anything wrong with her breast feeding without a cover.

sweaver93

I'm the type that will discreetly pull out the boob anytime my baby is hungry. I try to make sure not to have a nip slip but if that baby is sleeping soundly, especially if it had a sleepless night or day, I'm not doing anything that could wake it up. Now if baby was awake and the boob was showing and baby wasn't nursing then it'd be a different story.

jkvrj143

I think breastfeeding is great - totally support it, but there's a line between that and being an exhibitionist. I feel that women should absolutely be able to feel comfortable to breastfeed in public, but it's 2014 and there are so many covers or bottles to bottle feed for a time like the aforementioned that it would be more appropriate to handle the breastfeeding a little more conservatively. Again, I respect the choice and decision to breastfeed - but modesty and respect for the teachers or other parents (husbands or wives) or children present needs to be an element considered in her choice to expose her entire nipple for pure convenience of keeping her child asleep. Bring a pacifier or come up with another alternative that is mutually amicable to all parties and onlookers.

071115

Personally I use a cover. And I think she could have covered up her nipple if the baby fell asleep, but that's just me. Feeding is one thing, and having a nipple out is another

mangomimosa

To be honest, this kind of thing makes me struggle to not keep looking at zomg boobies! (I don't think I'm secretly a 14 y/o boy. Idk - it's just not common to see breasts out & it's not polite to stare, so I'm constantly like don't look don't look don't look...) But I strongly feel that women should not have to cover up while breast feeding. Discretion is nice b/c of how our society is, but it also will continue to propagate a culture of zomg boobies! So ... When I feel that way, I think the problem is me & not the mom feeding her baby. Nip slinging is a lil different. Hard to say w/I seeing it for myself.

nomnommama

It's 2014. People need to stop being so prudish. Pumping sucks. Nursing covers are hot and a lot of babies hate them. If more people were exposed to breast feeding they wouldn't be so weird and squeamish about it. Omg, boobs!

jack12trip

I agree with many of the points here. Your discomfort in this situation should not be projected onto this woman as "parading around".

mommyofkaylin

katydid2014 said:

FWIW, I love these photos that show how breast feeding mothers used to not be given a second look because it was just what everyone did to feed their child. Note that none of the other people in the photos is ogling the mothers breasts at all. I love these photos. These days, breasts are so sexualized in our culture that we will never get back to this.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6?s=mobile

This was really nice. I wish people were more understanding. I've actually heard men say bfing is hot and kinky. There is nothing sexy about bfing, it's mother nature

FrecklesInside

Parading? Whip a boob out? Come on people. I take it those of you with these feelings never have or at least haven't in a while had to pump or breastfeed.

Get the fuck over it. Feeding your kid when they are hungry is what it is, no matter how you need to do it or how big your breasts are or whatever. I wouldn't think twice about a woman bfing anywhere in any situation.

FrecklesInside

Ugh and just UGH. You support bfing but think some women are being exhibitionists?? Seriously? Do you know how bfing works? You sound like an idiot.

oh, and we chose to never give our child a pacifier, so you know, we don't all parent the same way, and we don't all pop a pacifier in our kids mouths to quiet them.

I hate when people say they support bfing when they really don't. Why don't you wear a blanket over your head while you have dinner??

jkvrj143

You can tell me to fuck off, but I'm just stating both sides. I'm not being an asshole, I'm stating what is obviously a valid side to peoples opinions on breastfeeding. Wether you chose to acknowledge it or not - I'm not the only person who thinks like that - otherwise it wouldn't be a question topic on this board or a topic in society. If you need to tell me to fuck off to make you feel like you're defending your child, that's cool. But that was not my intention. And let's not forget the OP said the child was sleeping, not breastfeeding for the majority of the time. To each their own.

graciesmurf

OP this sounds like a YOU problem.  The mother, whose baby was sleeping peacefully, did not have a problem at all.

cakergirl

jkvrj143 said:

I think breastfeeding is great - totally support it...... women should absolutely be able to feel comfortable to breastfeed in public.... it would be more appropriate to handle the breastfeeding a little more conservatively...... a pacifier or...another alternative that is mutually amicable to all parties and onlookers.

just to clarify. You are completely and totally supportive of women breastfeeding in public and want them to feel comfortable.. but only as long as nobody knows they are actually breastfeeding and there are no actual visible breasts involved?? I disagree. And how on earth is a pacifier or bottle "mutually amicable to all parties"??? It might be amicable for you, but not for the mom or the baby. So don't try to sugar coat it with big words to make yourself feel like your suggestion of covering up, using a bottle or a paci is "for everyone's benefit"... the only one who benefits from that is you. Not the mom, not the baby. Pumping and storing and bottle feeding is a job. A hard one. Babies with latch, gas or colic issues may not take well to this. For these babies, a pacifier or bottle may completely disrupt their feeding or ability to latch breastfeed effectively. Some moms struggle with pumping, they either can't afford a pump, can't get it to work, or just simply find it easier not to pump for 30 minutes, store the milk, warm it up, put it in a bottle, feed it to the baby, put the baby to sleep then wash the pump, wash the bottle, and start pumping all over again before the baby wakes back up. Your personal discomfort with seeing a small amount of adipose mammary tissue used in the manner for which it was intended does not justify the above fore mentioned inconveniences and disruptions to feeding, and it certainly doesn't justify a "mutually acceptable alternative" (which isn't actually mutually acceptable to begin with). I see more boob walking by a Victoria's Secret display than I do when moms publicly breastfeeding. Maybe we should start covering their storefronts with adorable breast feeding covers for modesty.

AlinnJo

I've bee MIA lately but ready to jump in again. I love seeing all of the support in this thread but the ignorance in this thread makes me so sad and angry. 

 You said she was parading around for an hour with her boob out. Did you follow her everywhere. Seriously? Have YOU ever breasfed a baby? I mean, seriously, she was FEEDING her kid. I can GUARANTEE you that more adults were staring and had a problem with it than children. The kids probably didn't even notice. People like you are not helping support breast feeding. You are actually part of the problem.

genmccarley

I never used a cover when nursing my son, never. I nursed him in the carrier while hiking with family, in the middle of a busy mall, shoe dept of a store, beach, Arby's, the state fair, you name it. If people were uncomfortable with it, that is their problem to work through.

The issue with this mom was that baby wasn't latched? Maybe baby just fell asleep & mom hadn't noticed. Most moms I know don't particularly enjoy going around with their nipples out or do so for their own enjoyment, so I don't think that was the issue in this situation.

Did it make people uncomfortable? maybe. Should it have? No, our society just generally doesn't see a lot of nursing moms so seeing one is shocking to a lot of people. This is truly unfortunate.

mommyofkaylin

I seriously love the bfing love right now.

jkvrj143

You guys are actually ridiculous. I never said it was gross, I never intended to put breastfeeding moms down. I just said people are not as open to public breastfeeding as you feel they should be. To your point - no, I am not the spokesperson for people who think you can be more conservative In some breastfeeding situations. I never was completely one sided - I just simply said there are definitely ways to be more conservative especially at school conferences. I'm not sorry for how I feel. And I also won't apologize for using "big words" to state my opinion as opposed to your cuss words.

jkvrj143

Because it is not a black and white topic. Some people just are not comfortable with it. Period. That's why it's such a controversial issue.

FrecklesInside

jkvrj143 said:

You guys are actually ridiculous. I never said it was gross, I never intended to put breastfeeding moms down. I just said people are not as open to public breastfeeding as you feel they should be. To your point - no, I am not the spokesperson for people who think you can be more conservative In some breastfeeding situations. I never was completely one sided - I just simply said there are definitely ways to be more conservative especially at school conferences. I'm not sorry for how I feel. And I also won't apologize for using "big words" to state my opinion as opposed to your cuss words.

Are you reading anything that is being said? And did you seriously just insult the intelligence of the women on this board and insinuate that you have a larger vocabulary simply because some of us use curse words?
You need to grow up in more than one way.

I hope your baby hates covers and loves cluster feeding.

thejucheidea

I love you guys. I can't wait to just flop my tits out and make people feel uncomfortable because SERIOUSLY fuck them. I read my husband some of the shitty anti-bfing posts on here and he was like 'fuck them, it's a goddamn tit'.

jack12trip

Recently, our local newspaper ran a story about how a woman employee at a local fire department was suing the city as they gave her no room to pump at work, which is now federal law.

The comments on this story disgusted me. From women stating she should stay at home, to implying she should only pump at home to asking why she just couldn't use the bathroom. I wondered how in the world could people be so misinformed about and offended by breastfeeding in 2014?

This is how. It starts as discomfort and judgement until becomes misrepresented and stigmatized. It may seem harmless to be a little judgmental of this woman, but the truth is you end up fueling a fire which countless women have been trying to put out.

caribeth80

I'm just sad that I can't breastfeed (
If I could I'd be so damn excited that I wouldn't give a rats ass who saw!

AlinnJo

jkvrj143 said:

I think breastfeeding is great - totally support it, but there's a line between that and being an exhibitionist. I feel that women should absolutely be able to feel comfortable to breastfeed in public, but it's 2014 and there are so many covers or bottles to bottle feed for a time like the aforementioned that it would be more appropriate to handle the breastfeeding a little more conservatively. Again, I respect the choice and decision to breastfeed - but modesty and respect for the teachers or other parents (husbands or wives) or children present needs to be an element considered in her choice to expose her entire nipple for pure convenience of keeping her child asleep. Bring a pacifier or come up with another alternative that is mutually amicable to all parties and onlookers.

Do you have children? "Pure convinced of keeping her child asleep" do you know what it takes to get a kid to sleep sometimes? Your post makes me want to bang my head against the wall. There are SO MANY things wrong with what you've said.

 "Bottles to be bottle fed" have you ever had to freaking PUMP. Do you know how much time it takes. Just to make sure she was respectful to YOU?!?  What about what she believes is best for her child? 

I need to bring a pacifier just so it's "mutually amicable to onlookers." When my child is hungry, I'm going to feed her wherever and whenever. I don't give a flying fuck what all other "parties and onlookers" think or feel. 

genmccarley

jkvrj143 said:

Because it is not a black and white topic. Some people just are not comfortable with it. Period. That's why it's such a controversial issue.

Interesting. So this is the mothers responsibility to cover so she can be assured that no one will be offended?

If someone isn't comfortable with it that's fine but they can't expect that their comfort comes before that baby's needs.

It really is black and white when you take out outsiders opinions- baby cries, mom nurses baby to comfort/nourish. I don't think it gets simpler...

cakergirl

jkvrj143 said:

You guys are actually ridiculous. I never said it was gross, I never intended to put breastfeeding moms down. I just said people are not as open to public breastfeeding as you feel they should be. To your point - no, I am not the spokesperson for people who think you can be more conservative In some breastfeeding situations. I never was completely one sided - I just simply said there are definitely ways to be more conservative especially at school conferences. I'm not sorry for how I feel. And I also won't apologize for using "big words" to state my opinion as opposed to your cuss words.

please just answer one question. For consistency's sake, do you boycott Victoria's Secret? If not, you should. They are bombing up the mall left and right.

cakergirl

On the bright side, props to everyone for NOT suggesting she go breastfeed in the bathroom. Yay!!! And for those of you that were wondering, this is NOT an acceptable alternative, in the mall, the school, or the workplace. There is a reason they don't prepare school lunches in the restroom or put the office microwave on the back of the toilet. If you wouldn't be willing to prepare and eat your lunch on a toilet, don't suggest it for babies, either.

dani727

Honestly in most situations I totally agree that breast-feeding in public without a cover is totally fine. It just felt like one of those rare situations where it is incredibly distracting. I can only say what I would do in that situation. It's true that this particular baby might not do well when being covered but the baby wasn't eating at this point and I used the word parading because basically the whole hour after the baby still wasn't actually eating she remained in this position. It really and truly felt like the mother was making a statement. Of course, this opinion of the mother is formed by several other bizarre things that have happened with her other children. I feel like I might have not given my complete opinion on breast-feeding because I am a huge advocate of uncovered feeding. Like I said, there are just a handful of situations that are kind of inappropriate and this felt like one of them. But you know what? I do totally wish that our society was different and that I didn't feel like I couldn't stop staring at her breasts when she was chatting with me but I couldn't. That's just the truth. Perhaps that is pretty sad about our society but it is true. I definitely don't think that a mother should have to pump and bottlefeed to avoid these situations and I certainly won't but I think in this sort of situation a cover probably was a bit more appropriate.

cesquer

It takes some brave women not giving a fuck for society to start shifting. I think I am too self-conscious but might change my tune when/if I am lucky enough to breastfeed.

dani727

@

FrecklesInside said:

Ugh and just UGH. You support bfing but think some women are being exhibitionists?? Seriously? Do you know how bfing works? You sound like an idiot.

oh, and we chose to never give our child a pacifier, so you know, we don't all parent the same way, and we don't all pop a pacifier in our kids mouths to quiet them.

I hate when people say they support bfing when they really don't. Why don't you wear a blanket over your head while you have dinner??

I should have expected you to start throwing out insults... Anyway, if I'm an idiot then so was every parent and every teacher because there was not one person in the room that didn't feel a bit uncomfortable. Parents wouldn't go near her and teachers snickered and balked for hours after (which I did not, by the way)

In a park? Go ahead. In a store, totally fine. At a kid birthday party - no worries! But... In an interview? In a meeting with the school staff where you have a detailed conversation with various teachers ? Do what you wish but be prepared to be talked about and make a whole lot of people uncomfortable. Anyway, I was looking for opinions and I did receive them. It's interesting to me how people view it since it is such a hot topic with very different viewpoints.

colleen4019

Although I'm a FTM I plan to BF. I hate the idea of using a cover. Not only that but I'm offended by the idea that my nipples are inherently more sexual than my husbands. (Why do I have to wear a shirt & he doesn't?)I don't think women should EVER have to cover their breasts, BFing or not. I plan to be as 'out' as possible when it's my turn.

dani727

earthian said:

They're just boobs. Men can walk around shirtless and their nipples don't bother people. So what if women have extra tissue/glands that make boobs instead of just nipples?

I'm pretty hard core about this, and while I get that It isn't everyone's cup of tea, a woman feeding her child with her breast is NBD to me.

It's not a mother's fault that our society over sexualizes breasts.

I could go on but it will get ranty, and this is the short version of how I feel.

I agree and also wish things were different. My Australian husband who has seen boobs on beaches since he was born STILL gawks at them. It shocks me a bit but the truth is that I have breasts of my own and yet I still find myself staring in those situations. It's just what things have become. Maybe they will change.

torileea

You know i found as parading a girl that wore a too small blazer not shirt and no bra underneath.. I couldn't pump my milk to last long in the fridge or freezer and good luck my daughter would not cover for the life of me.. But she had trouble gaining weight so we nursed where ever when ever.. And my boobs are gigantic but i still had to feed my baby

Jenny7766

Seriously you ladies are being extremely harsh. I agree with what she is saying, there is a time and a place for uncovered bfing, and perhaps an environment such as was aforementioned in this forum isn't the proper place for public bfing. Unfortunatey, we do live in a perverse society and whether or not you wish to give credence to that, it does not in fact change the situation. I see nothing wrong with covered feeding, and if you begin this ritual from the get-go, I do not believe your child would have an issue with it. And to answer the ignorant response of one of you, yes if I were hungry enough or felt that someone would take offense to it, I would eat with a blanket over my head. You are all atacking an individual based on the fact that she disagreed with one scenario, and frankly I find the turn in this discussion a bit ludicris and childish. The issue isnt that one person believes bfing is wrong, it is situational courtesy for the surrounding individual in the atmosphere in which you chose to bf for an exorbinant amount of time.

FrecklesInside

Awww @dani727 you expected insults from me? Is that supposed to be an insult towards me? Go ahead and let me know if you have an issue with my tone or what I say, let's not be passive aggressive. My opinions on what you said stand despite your explanations. And like @toastercat said - wording, it matters. I never called you an idiot.

dani727

happymamax2 said:

dani727 said:

Honestly in most situations I totally agree that breast-feeding in public without a cover is totally fine. It just felt like one of those rare situations where it is incredibly distracting. I can only say what I would do in that situation. It's true that this particular baby might not do well when being covered but the baby wasn't eating at this point and I used the word parading because basically the whole hour after the baby still wasn't actually eating she remained in this position. It really and truly felt like the mother was making a statement. Of course, this opinion of the mother is formed by several other bizarre things that have happened with her other children. I feel like I might have not given my complete opinion on breast-feeding because I am a huge advocate of uncovered feeding. Like I said, there are just a handful of situations that are kind of inappropriate and this felt like one of them. But you know what? I do totally wish that our society was different and that I didn't feel like I couldn't stop staring at her breasts when she was chatting with me but I couldn't. That's just the truth. Perhaps that is pretty sad about our society but it is true. I definitely don't think that a mother should have to pump and bottlefeed to avoid these situations and I certainly won't but I think in this sort of situation a cover probably was a bit more appropriate.

The problem is myself like I'm sure many of the other breastfeeding mothers have experienced so much judgement for doing something that is probably the most natural thing a mother could experience. To suggest a mother is parading her breasts makes it sound sexual when now breasts=sex to so many people that they are "disgusted" to see a mom actually using them for what they were intended for. Covered or not, it's a natural part of life. Many of us have been there when there's no cover but our kids are hungry, are we supposed to just let them starve? Plenty of us have used our nipples instead of a pacifier and would use that to keep our babies calm for a while during anything. So it becomes offensive to call out another breastfeeding mom for doing what so many of us have done/do. Until you actually start breastfeeding, you will not understand.

The main reason for me posting was because I SO WANTED to not be uncomfortable. I wanted it to be a non-event. I felt a bit sad that I truly didn't feel comfortable talking with this parent and her husband in a serious way about my program at school and her other child. I just felt super distracted. It's different when it's in regular public situations but I just couldn't focus. I did hate myself a little for it. But it is in fact very telling about society and how these things make us feel in certain situations.