Boundaries with visitors

ValgalSF

I'm a FTM and LO is 11 days old. My in-laws live 10 minutes away, and have "stopped by" (for 2 hours each time) pretty much every other day. I have told my husband that it is just too much for me. His parents are very unhappy with each other, so they sit there and bicker/cut each other down the whole visit. It's just negative energy that sucks me dry. They tend to come by right as we're trying to have dinner (7pm) and then the witching hour begins. The baby will get really fussy for a few hours around that time of night. It is driving me nuts. My DH is used to his parents dynamic, so it doesn't bother him in the least. When I tell him it's too much, especially while I'm trying to get my barrings with a newborn... he just says, " they are just excited to see their grandkid."

I really want to limit their visits to 1-2 times per week, but I obviously can't be the one to have that conversation. My DH is so sweet, and doesn't want to hurt their feelings (not to mention, I don't think he agrees with me. He doesn't mind their visits).

Ugh. Anyone else dealing with anything like this? Any advice?

alisonc87

I feel ya! I live next door to my in laws. Just last night they called and woke all 3 of us up at 11pm because they wanted to see her, and we had a light on. I put my DH in charge of setting boundaries, and we made the rule of no visitors or phone calls after 8pm. They call or just show up almost every day, but if I don't feel up

Weezy56

I would go crazy with any guest coming that often. I think 2 days a week would be the perfect compromise. This is something you should definitely stand your ground on.

WannaBmomma

At least they will come to you! Ours expect us to bring the baby over for a visit! Since they won't come to us, we limit it to one day a week and a 2 hour visit with each set. I work Mon-Fri so if they want to see her they know where I live. We make sure we are home by 7 every night so we can do our bedtime routines. I feel it it more important to keep my child on a schedule than have visits every night at this point.

ValgalSF

Weezy56 said:

I would go crazy with any guest coming that often. I think 2 days a week would be the perfect compromise. This is something you should definitely stand your ground on.

My feelings exactly. 1-2 days per week, and no more than 1.5 hours at a time. I'd also like to tell them that anything after 7pm is not okay. She starts fussing, and then it's a nightmare for mommy and daddy. We need to start the routine of bath time then quiet/bedtime. I hate nagging my husband about it, but he is the one that needs to set the boundary.

Thanks for all the input. I'm glad to know it's not just me... cause I'm not trying to keep them from seeing their grandbaby. I just need some sanity. ha.

WatchmansMoon

So sorry this is happening.  With a newborn, your hormones are likely up and down (maybe more down than up?) at this time as well.  Maybe your husband would be more understanding if he knew that you're not even at a normal emotional state, and having them at the house so frequently and fighting like they do, it's really dragging you down.  I can imagine that your inlaws have little joy in their lives, if they fight like you described, so coming and seeing the baby is probably the highlight of their lives at this point.  They can't keep doing this to you, however.  Your husband is the one to step up and protect you and your baby.  I hope he listens to you and is more understanding.  In the meantime, HUGS and blessings to you and your new little family!

roo1oo

Either ask DH to set a 2x per week limit on visits, or when they show up give the baby to DH or them and go take a nap/have some "me" time! It was so hard for me to do when DS was tiny, but my MIL would come over every few days at first too, and I had to learn that I didn't need to sit and visit with her. That I could give her or DH DS and just go do what I needed to do.