gift card shower

duckie23

FTM here. My in-laws have offered to throw us a shower, but I'm not sure how shower-y it will be, which is perfectly okay with me. We are flying in from across the country next month, and they suggested that maybe it will be a little bit more like a family reunion/get-together (both men and women invited, about 20 people), hinting that maybe they won't invite our friends, asking if it would be possible for us to just visit with our friends while we're in town. I only had three friends that I'd like to include, so no big deal. We're excited to visit with aunts, uncles, and cousins, even if it's not a shower!

Everything was all fine and dandy until they suggested that they email people that this is a gift card only shower and alarm bells started going off in my head. I know they are trying to be considerate to the fact that we will be flying back and bringing back gifts could be tricky, but I feel like that's our responsibility to figure out--not our guests'! I tried to speak up saying that people really have fun buying baby stuff, and I don't really want to tell them what they should be gifting. This morning I sent my MIL the links to our two registries and said that they both ship to our house if people have questions about us transporting gifts home. 

What else can I do? I'm having a really hard time balancing letting THEM host the shower with my instinct that this is poor etiquette. DH is 100% on same page as me and piped in the phone conversation last night saying that we're okay with any gift people choose (or choose not to!) generously give us.

kimberpoo

very poor etiquette. you are correct ..... register and let people buy you what they want, if anything!

VOR

I'd talk to her again and spin it that it's important to you that IF people buy you something, that they get you something that THEY wanted to get you.  You want to use these things for the baby and be able to think of the person who gave it to you. 

You don't care about having to get the gifts home.  It's more important to you that you really relate a gift w/ the giver. 

thiscoffeechick

I agree with others. Your guests know you're flying in so I doubt they'd get you a nursing pillow. Our wedding was in my husband's hometown (a plane ride away) and we got cards with GC and cash. People knew.

526SadieSadie

If you do get big boxes, you can always return them before you leave and re-purchase them when you get home.

crunchymamaof2

Unfortunately you can't control what they do. You can always decline the shower all together if it makes you that uncomfortable but I think you're doing the right things. What did your mil say in response to your email?

duckie23

Thanks, everyone. I completely agree that it's bad etiquette. No need to convince me on that, and there are plenty of ways we can deal with transporting gifts. Again, no concerns from me on that point. Just struggling with staying OUT of the planning of the shower, but still delicately letting my ILs know that we're not okay with the gift card idea. MIL has not responded to my email yet.

Ballerina0917

Just a thought, i went to a baby shower for someone who lived out of state. The invitation very politely suggested to wrap up a photo of the gift to make traveling home a little easier for the prego mom. I wish I could remember the wording because it was actually quite tactful (it might have even been a little poem and who can resist a poem?). No one blinked an eye when it came time to do it. I have been to a gift card shower but it was for a wedding shower...and was a little more fun because people got creative with where the gift cards were from. A little diff from baby world where the gift cards would probably all be to the same place, which then you almost might as well just as for everyone to write you a check. Kudos to you for standing up!