What's bothering you? (NO JUDGING)

dreamcatcher93

Hey, I'm pretty sure others have does this, but I figured I would post a forum for moms to be that are in their 2nd trimester to vent how they feel, such as labor jitters, family stress, anxiety, pregancy problems and things going wrong. Feed back and comforting is most welcome. PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE, if giving feedback PLEASE GIVE POSITIVE VIBES, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM NASTY REMARKS.

StormySeas

Honestly I'm terrified about all of it,always been my biggest fear to have a child.Mother in law is stressing me out.She doesn't like the name I picked she said "he'll get made fun of" the name was Skyler.I have general and social anxiety also depression but off meds since I found out.Trying not to lose my mind

ruemorgan

I can't think of any reason why a kid would be made fun of for the name Skyler @StormySeas‌ . Try your best to just ignore her.

PrimRoseMama

More coffee ...

minirella

I didn't win the lottery this weekend....GRRRRRRR!

janda426

Lol oh okay

katiescarlett1

Been having a terrible time sleeping lately! Hip pain and waking up in the middle of the night, all night.

Finally found a solution, sleeping on the futon-- no pain! amazing sleep!- but I want to sleep in my bed with my husband, lol.

StormySeas

Thanks for the reply,would it make a difference if its a boy named Skyler? The mother in law thinks it's only a girl name but it's unisex.I do understand the whole thing about being made fun of for a name my real name is stormy gail I took a lot of crap for it still do but I wouldn't change it for anything.

StormySeas

Excellent idea lol shes so mean though with her tone can't get it out of my head.

shellybean3788

PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE.

lelly0086

Yay! So glad to have found this post, I really need to vent but I don't want to take up a new post on a rant lol my husband just ruined a perfect day for me and I can't help to just curl up and cry from frustration!!! We had out gender reveal party today where we learned that our baby is a boy. Happy mommy to be over here. I love that we waited to share that moment with close family and friends. Only to fight a few hours after because I announced the name before consulting with him first. Apparently when I talked names with him earlier in the pregnancy he just agreed on a name to shut me up. Then just now tells me he hates the name and how selfish I am for not letting him be involved with anything related to our baby. He has not been to one appt, not one ultrasound, not one trip with me to the er when I had bleeding early on. And now he wants to pitch a fit??? When we discussed names I asked him to give me suggestions and he refused saying he doesn't care. What am I missing here? How am I the bad guy? I want us to be a united team when it comes to the baby and now it just seems like it's him vs me. I'm just so upset and dont know why this has turned into such a big fight

lelly0086

It was the name we agreed on and apparently the name he hates. He never told me he felt that way, he never said hey let's wait and discuss this later. So when everyone asked what we were naming our son I told them the name I thought we chose together. So now somehow I am the bad guy

jennypolkadots

A little apprehension because DH is probably going to get a job offer soon and he will be changing jobs. Right now we work together and I love having that support. Plus we work really short days and he gets to go to all of my appointments. He is still going to make sure he can come to everything because it's really important for him but I will hate not having my best friend around all day. It sucks.... but the new place covers family health care and he will make more money, and advance his career.... so that's a bonus.

My sister lives one state over and I come visit several times a year. I always assumed my family there (where I grew up - I am closer to them than my family where I live now) would throw me a baby shower. I had gently brought it up on the phone with her a week or so ago... something like "I don't know if anyone wants to plan something, but of course we would come any time" and she said "well people will just get stuff for you for Christmas". It just really hurt my feelings because I am her only sister and this is the first baby in about 13 years on that side of the family. Oh, and the fact that only a month ago she helped throw a shower for our distant cousin's wife. I just feel slighted and like she doesn't care about this huge life change for me. Christmas is not the same as a celebration of our little one. But I am not going to request a shower or anything like that so oh well. If she were pregnant and I didn't go there and throw her a shower she would seriously flip total shit. I mean it would be crazy...

jennypolkadots

Just reread my post - and read Lelly's about her husband not going to anything. I need to be grateful DH is supportive and that he is getting this great opportunity. It really is a great job and he is going to love it. I used to work for the company and they are amazing. They already told him they are going to hire him, it just takes 2-3 days to get the offer together so we are waiting on that. I just hate so much changing at once - our first baby, jobs, etc. 

I'm going to call my sister and explain how I'm feeling. It would be dumb for me to sit around feeling upset about something and she has no idea I feel that way. I'm not going to ask to have a shower thrown, but it's really unfair to her if I feel upset and act like I don't. 

lelly0086

The name is Noah Allen. He has sense agreed that he is fine with it (probably to make me happy) so I really don't know how to feel about it anymore. Feels like such a petty thing to be fighting over!

Jennypolkadots- I think the job offer for your husband sounds like a great opportunity for your family. It may take some adjustments getting used to the new routine but hopefully your husband is still able to go and support you at appts and what not. I really shouldn't complain that my husband doesn't go to mine when in reality he cant. His job doesn't allow personal time off during the work week unless it's life or death. He is off weekends but that isn't helpful for appts. I'm sure if he were able he would come. As for the shower maybe your sister doesn't understand the importance of it to you. Maybe like you said a good phone conversation would be best, that way she can understand where your coming from.

rjvestal

Ugh! His mom, mostly...maybe it's just me though. If so, I'm totally okay with being told I'm just crazy. His family is the really irresponsible type, like REALLY irresponsible. (I'm pretty sure I got the only reasonable one) His family also only focuses on the girls of the family, so much that even growing up his sister was the spoiled princess type while his mom's boyfriends were the ones who did stuff with/for him. His uncle and aunt won't watch their grandsons, but will keep the granddaughters all the time. And they are ALL that way. I'm actually glad we are having a boy...

His sister is also pregnant and having a girl, so his whole family has been gushing over them this whole time, which honestly is cool with me...I don't like the attention stuff anyways, but from the start we couldn't be more opposite. Like his mom and sister have to have the best and most expensive everything...you know, like the 400$ crib bedding set, or the 500$ stroller/seat combo with speakers, iPhone connection, cup holders, or 40$ an outfit, the baby spa/jacuzzi tub, etc...and will go on occasional social media rants because no one will buy the stuff from her registry, talking about how selfish everyone is and how no one must care. (Really?!) We have four months to go and the only thing we will need is little stuff and a car seat come baby time because we are cool with hand me downs and things (it's all going to be thrown up, pooped, and peed on anyways, right?!) so everyone on my side has just been passing so much along. What gets me though is his mom...doesn't work. His sister and her husband...don't work. They mooch off everyone. But we both have been working, and plan to keep working because we know we have a baby who needs us.

His mom and two small kids she is raising were living with us up until a couple months ago when she took off for a weekend to visit friends, and they never came back, and decided they were just going to live there now. We had to move all their stuff out ourselves, paying for the uhaul and everything, plus cover their share of the bills. Did I mention how bad they trashed the house before they left, and that she abandoned three of their pets here with us? She had been posting online all these things she was buying his sister's baby, even when she lived here, and wanted nothing to do with our baby, but then she couldn't get food or gas for her and the two kids, so we would have to give her money. Then she would tell his sister about how worthless and useless I am, how I never did anything around the house or paid for anything, and how I had been using everyone the whole time. His sister would then start all kinds of arguments and issues, and it all got so bad at one point, I almost left. Even now, his sister and her husband still try to create issues.
We both just switched to better jobs, making better money, better hours, and benefits which is great, and now we finally have the place to ourselves. Things with us couldn't be better! Now, she's started suddenly, out of nowhere after five months, taking an interest in our baby, hoping we will give her more money and everything. So, now I've gotten where I dread when she calls at all, and I get really upset over every little thing, even if she's just asking about the baby. She's always wanting ultrasound pictures so she can share them on Facebook, or she's bragging about things she's bought the baby, but asking us for money behind the scenes. All to get social media attention. Now, the big push is she hates the middle name because that was one of her ex boyfriend's names like 20 years ago, and she WILL NOT call the baby its name. I'm trying desperately to respect that she's his mom, but I've had all I can t

crunchymamaof2

jennypolkadots said:

Just reread my post - and read Lelly's about her husband not going to anything. I need to be grateful DH is supportive and that he is getting this great opportunity. It really is a great job and he is going to love it. I used to work for the company and they are amazing. They already told him they are going to hire him, it just takes 2-3 days to get the offer together so we are waiting on that. I just hate so much changing at once - our first baby, jobs, etc. 

I'm going to call my sister and explain how I'm feeling. It would be dumb for me to sit around feeling upset about something and she has no idea I feel that way. I'm not going to ask to have a shower thrown, but it's really unfair to her if I feel upset and act like I don't. 

You're going to call your sister and tell her that you're upset she won't plan and gift you a shower (they're to welcome you to motherhood, FYI). I'd wait a couple of days before doing something like that because it will come off very greedy.

jennypolkadots

@bliss+berry @crunchymamaof2 -  I'm sorry I seem to have totally misunderstood this thread. I thought it was for posting what was honestly bothering us without judgement from other people.... I dunno maybe because the title said "What's bothering you? (No Judgement)"

I understand not everyone has the same family relationships and I can't fully explain all of the details that surround the things I'm bothered by. My sister and I talk about everything and I truly believe it is wrong to be bothered by something without giving the other person a chance to explain their side of the situation. I decided not to mention it though and just invite that side of the family to the shower my SIL is throwing for us. They live 4 hours away so I doubt anyone will come but I really didn't want to drive 4 hours for a shower anyways. FWIW, if you knew my sister you would know that all hell would break loose if I didn't throw her a shower so that is part of what makes it hurtful. This is our first child and I have only been to 1 baby showers in my life, so this is all very new to me. I was hoping to post without judgement to get something off my chest, because I wrongfully thought that was the point of this thread. 

schnitz9

@jennypolkadots you know my opinion on the shower "norms" as we are on the same BMB.  I respect everyone's opinion and we are all entitled to them. Here's what others are giving.  They are giving advice in what they would do.  The only person who can make the decision in the end is you.  You can really do whatever ever you want to do.  Like you said you know you're sister the best.  I don't think any of the ladies were really judging just expressing their own opinion.  To me I think judging someone would be if they said if you call your sister and tell her how you feel you are a terrible person.  They are simply saying its not what they would do. When it comes to things that are the "norms" or the "rules" i play by my own.  I'm really the only one who knows my situation.  No one on here is gonna call you crazy or tell you to leave if you talk to your sister. Baby showers to me are the least of my concerns.  Like I said on the F15 post who cares. If someone thinks something is tacky don't go or don't give a gift.  It really isn't something that should stress you out and make you upset.  To me there are so many other things that I spend my time worrying about.

crunchymamaof2

@jennypolkadots‌ try posting in a true FFFC thread next time. This thread started out as a shit storm and is apparently ending as one. Your feelings are yours. But telling your sister you're pissed she hasn't planned to throw you a shower at a different time than Christmas is a fucked up thing to do.

allrightmeow

jennypolkadots said:

@bliss+berry @crunchymamaof2 -  I'm sorry I seem to have totally misunderstood this thread. I thought it was for posting what was honestly bothering us without judgement from other people.... I dunno maybe because the title said "What's bothering you? (No Judgement)"

I understand not everyone has the same family relationships and I can't fully explain all of the details that surround the things I'm bothered by. My sister and I talk about everything and I truly believe it is wrong to be bothered by something without giving the other person a chance to explain their side of the situation. I decided not to mention it though and just invite that side of the family to the shower my SIL is throwing for us. They live 4 hours away so I doubt anyone will come but I really didn't want to drive 4 hours for a shower anyways. FWIW, if you knew my sister you would know that all hell would break loose if I didn't throw her a shower so that is part of what makes it hurtful. This is our first child and I have only been to 1 baby showers in my life, so this is all very new to me. I was hoping to post without judgement to get something off my chest, because I wrongfully thought that was the point of this thread. 

LOL we drove 10 hours to the one my best friend was kind enough to throw for me.  You sound like such a peach. 

jennypolkadots

LOL I think this got out of hand and I overreacted. Some of the comments are just hurtful and  I clearly didn't really explain the situation. Of course I realize I shouldn't feel the way I do which is why I didn't post looking for advice - it is just something that is honestly bothering me when it shouldn't and I'm working on it. I would never ask someone to spend money on our baby or to throw me a shower. I should have read both full pages of comments before posting. Lesson learned!

I drive 5 times a year to visit my family, no one from there ever once has come to visit me. Considering we will be there for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, I meant it would not be convenient to go another time in between. It is expensive for us (gas, food, dog sitter, etc.), and I will be 8 months pregnant. I would happily go if someone offered to throw me a shower there but I guess I was just listing the upside to not going because my feelings are (wrongfully) hurt. 

My feelings have nothing to do with the actual shower at all. I don't care if we have a single shower and we certainly aren't relying on showers for gifts. DH and I hate being the center of attention, but we know other people want to celebrate our baby and for that we are grateful. My feelings are hurt because my relationship with my sister is extremely one sided and I am always the giver. She helped throw a shower a month ago for our distant cousin's wife who she has known for less than a year. She calls all the time and talks about her problems and never asks about me or the baby which is fine but it can feel hurtful because I am going through this big life change. She would go 1000% berserk if I didn't throw her a shower, like last year when she called me crying because it was noon on her birthday and I hadn't yet called her. She is 27 btw. So part of me was hoping this would be different somehow. But all of you are right, this is a silly way to feel and I need to get over myself. I have decided not to let this sort of stuff bother me because I have way bigger things to worry about with a baby on the way. 

Happy Tuesday

<:-P

allrightmeow

jennypolkadots said:

LOL I think this got out of hand and I overreacted. Some of the comments are just hurtful and  I clearly didn't really explain the situation. Of course I realize I shouldn't feel the way I do which is why I didn't post looking for advice - it is just something that is honestly bothering me when it shouldn't and I'm working on it. I would never ask someone to spend money on our baby or to throw me a shower. I should have read both full pages of comments before posting. Lesson learned!

I drive 5 times a year to visit my family, no one from there ever once has come to visit me. Considering we will be there for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, I meant it would not be convenient to go another time in between. It is expensive for us (gas, food, dog sitter, etc.), and I will be 8 months pregnant. I would happily go if someone offered to throw me a shower there but I guess I was just listing the upside to not going because my feelings are (wrongfully) hurt. 

My feelings have nothing to do with the actual shower at all. I don't care if we have a single shower and we certainly aren't relying on showers for gifts. DH and I hate being the center of attention, but we know other people want to celebrate our baby and for that we are grateful. My feelings are hurt because my relationship with my sister is extremely one sided and I am always the giver. She helped throw a shower a month ago for our distant cousin's wife who she has known for less than a year. She calls all the time and talks about her problems and never asks about me or the baby which is fine but it can feel hurtful because I am going through this big life change. She would go 1000% berserk if I didn't throw her a shower, like last year when she called me crying because it was noon on her birthday and I hadn't yet called her. She is 27 btw. So part of me was hoping this would be different somehow. But all of you are right, this is a silly way to feel and I need to get over myself. I have decided not to let this sort of stuff bother me because I have way bigger things to worry about with a baby on the way. 

Happy Tuesday

<:-P

@jennypolkadots No one was trying to be hurtful, just honest.  You did say in your first post that you "gently " brought up the shower to your sister.  So you are in a round about kind of way asking for one.  

As for your relationship with your sister, it is what you allow it to be.  Im one of four sisters, been there done that.  If you want it to be even, you need to speak up for yourself because IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER THAN IT IS NOW.  Im telling you.  Talk to her now and let her know or the resentment you're trying to pretend you're not feeling, is only going to get bigger.  It is not "fine" that she uses you to vent about her problems but never allows you the same courtesy.  Repeat after me.  It's. Not. Okay.  It's NOT silly to feel hurt by someone who takes more than they give emotionally.  It's silly to complain about it if you are not going to try and do anything about it.