When is a toddler too old to shower with a parent?

bumpuser10331514

I'm assuming it doesn't matter if it's same sex or opposite sex, but if it does, please comment. Also, I intended the answers below to be in years.

shannm

I didn't vote. I am sure there will be a time we become more modest but my six year old still sees us naked.

bumpuser10331514

I'm in a debate with DH. He thinks daddy should never be naked around the kids, and mommy should only be naked around them until their long-term memories start to form (between 3 and 4); but mommy should never bathe with them. I find it significantly easier to bring my son in the shower with me rather than trying to give him a bath separately in the morning, so I'm trying to get DH to come around to my way of thinking. And if I can't - not gonna lie - I'll probably do what I want until DH is the one giving them baths.

DH says he was traumatized when he saw his dad naked (and, honestly, I would be, too - it's traumatizing for me to see him with his clothes on...). I remember being embarrassed when I saw my dad naked, and later when I saw my mom naked; but I know I saw them naked a lot before the times I remember. Apparently I was a regular in the bathroom. For me, it's about teaching them at an age appropriate time about privacy. For DH, it's about not traumatizing them - avoiding the embarrassment before they're old enough to remember seeing you naked. I know there are families that can pull off nudity without any embarrassment, but given my and DH's comfort level with nudity - it won't be my family, unfortunately.

X_X

TheBorg7of9

K3am said:

I didn't vote. I was too old to shower with my dad when I asked him why he had a snake and mommy didn't. It wasn't that I asked, it was that my mom heard my dad telling me that it wasn't a snake, but that daddy had a hot rod and mommy had a garage. I had no idea what it meant... he thought it was funny. Mom didn't. 

My 2.5 year old asked last week to "see mama penis?" DH and I had been talking about our other son's penis because he needs a redo of his circumcision. I had to say "mamas don't have penises, honey." Lol

jenn43

DH hubby asked me last week if I thought it was weird changing clothes in front of our LO- who is only 4 months old!  I pointed out that he's breast feeding, so he sees half of it anyway.  Men are strange...

Pips09

I agree that there's no specific age, it depends on the comfort level of the kid and the parent. I still occasionally shower with my 3 year old, but my H never has, because he's not comfortable with it. So it's different for each of us.

ricekez

Funny story related to this: my DS1 woke up and came into the bathroom as I was getting out of the shower. He looked at me quizzically and asked, "Mama, where's your penis?" I then explained to him how girls and women don't have penises, only boys and men do. Later that day, he was riding his balance bike and saying "D(his name) has penis, Baby I has penis, Daddy has penis, Mama has butt!"

emberlee3

I didn't vote.  DD (2 yo) started asking to take showers recently.  I tried showering with her, but it was miserable (for me).  I make DH shower with her now.  DS is 5 yo and showers by himself, but he follows me into the bathroom or sees me get dressed every day.  I don't care if he sees me naked.

umma4babes

My kids have never showered with me or DH and I don't see that changing. For one thing, DS likes a bath and refuses a shower. I have always been a bit reserved with nudity unless with intimate partners. DS sees me getting dressed or getting out of the shower and I don't mind that, but I don't think he has really seen me naked. It's just not for me/our family.

dashofreality

We are definitely not a naked family, but I shower with my kids, almost 4 and 2, regularly. I haven't given it much thought but unless there were some signs that my kids were uncomfortable, I would probably say whenever they are able to effectively wash themselves we won't be showering with them.

I think the bigger question is how long I can have my two kids bathe together. I have a boy and a girl, and I would probably let them take baths together longer then I would take a shower with them, but I don't know. I am guessing school age, but we will have to see how that goes.

 

jessicaivana7224

We are somewhat of a naked family. I will throw LO in the shower with his dad on a random occasion...but LO screams- he hates the shower. After beach days I will get in the tub with LO sometimes in my suit, sometimes naked. I just find it so much easier. 

And right now I get dressed in front of LO. I also don't nurse but will put LO's head on my bare chest if he is up in the middle of the night and won't calm down- sometimes the skin to skin helps. 

 He is only one so I think we have some time before he starts to notice things. But I agree with others- there is no real age but when he starts to have questions. I don't want him to be uncomfortable with his body or ours. 

MickeyM04

We are kind of a naked family too I think, but I think you kind of have to be around potty training age, don't you?  I mean I can't expect DS to learn to go potty if he never sees DH or I go to the bathroom.  DS is also at a phase where he really wants his daddy, so he's been known to just walk in the bathroom when he knows DH is in there, and DH is in the shower.  I'm nursing for right now so my boobs are out all the time.  Right now DS doesn't ask any questions about penises or vaginas or boobs or anything so I don't really think it can be weird until they seem to show some awareness of nudity.  And even then I don't think it's automatic, I'm just saying that I definitely don't think it can be weird if they don't even seem to get what they're seeing. 

We have never showered with DS (we still do baths), but I feel like I would only ever let him shower for at least a couple of years if someone was in there with him, or nearby, and if nearby, might as well kill two birds with one stone, right?  I feel like maybe school age it would start to get weird, but I'm just basing that off the idea that at that age they might talk to other kids, like oh, I showered with my daddy this morning, and then you might start to get looks at the PTA meetings...

sweetsunnyc

I would not feel comfortable being naked in front of my 15 yo step daughter, but I still feel fine with being naked in front of my 6yo and my 1yo. It's often easier at night when I just get in the bath with both of them rather than bathing them and then waking up early to shower the next morning. That being said, we are not a naked family per say. We don't walk around the house naked and we usually change with the door shut. We have all girls, so DH is more reserved now that two of the girls are older in the sense that he always has boxers or a towel on if the girls are in the room after he's showered or something.

umma4babes

@MickeyM04‌, kind of a side note but it was more effective for us to show DH going standing up than me going sitting down. DS actually refused to go sitting down. He went standing up pretty much from the beginning.

potbellypig

I was brought up in a "naked" family. My mom would bathe and my sister and I would sit in the bathroom and we'd hang out and talk. I think my dad was more discreet when I was about 4 or 5, but it was never a big deal if he was changing with the door open. If we asked questions, my mom always took it as an opportunity to teach us. All three of us are very comfortable with our bodies and publically modest in dress and behaviour.

DH and I are fairly open, both of us shower with DD (we have a huge shower) and I cuddle DD after the shower all the time. We don't make a big deal out of it. I guess we'll reel it in when she goes to school at 5, but to be honest I'll be sad when we get to that point.

happyhorse

Well I still get changed with my mom if dressing rooms are hard to come by at the shopping mall. But I don't want to share my showers with anyone! The hot water is ALL MINE, ALL MINE!!!!

DiveFrog

As pp mentioned my Mom and I will still get undressed/dressed in the same room. And we still go skinny dipping together during the summer. Same sex nakedness is very accepted in my family.

Even for opposite genders my family is perfectly accepting of underwear/boxers. So, I've seen my father walk around in just his boxers/boxer briefs, as well as, my adult brother. They've both seen me in just a t-shirt and panties. And both saw me nurse my daughter the first few weeks after she was born so essentially topless.

I've bathed with DD since she was a baby, and she comes to the bathroom with me all the time. DH doesn't feel comfortable with doing those things, but he will get undressed/dressed with her in the room. I am guessing, both DD and DH will start to be more private when she is around 5-6. I think it would be the same for me and a son, both wanting more privacy around 5-7yrs.

 

 

CarrieB.

I read somewhere that seeing your same sex parent changing clothes is good for kids self esteem because they realize what an adult body really looks like vs a magazine body.

I don't shower or bathe with my girls (3 and 10 mos), but I will change clothes in front of them in like a gym way, not fully naked.

My DH wants full privacy, door closed for bathroom and clothes changing and I think that's appropriate. I get a little weirded out seeing my dad in just a bathrobe when we vacation w my parents.