Time Outs

ZaydensMomma

I have a few questions regarding time outs. I want to start implementing them for when DS starts misbehaving (hitting, throwing things, etc.) now that he is 19 months old. However, before I start I want to make sure I have my ducks in a row, so to speak.

1. Should I give time outs for tantrums or just ignore them?

2. I'm pretty sure time outs will call for some screaming/crying sessions, should I wait til he has calmed down before letting him get out of the time out spot or do the time out for the set amount of time no matter if he is crying? (I don't want him to think that if he screams or cries hard enough I'll let him get down, kind of like with sleep training. Been there, done that.)

3. Are there guidelines for how long the time outs should be for certain ages?

4.  What are some good ideas for time out "spots"? Should I sit with him to make sure he stays in the spot or just put him back in the spot if he gets up before the time is done?

5. Does anybody have any advice in general regarding time outs?

I'm sorry for all the questions, I'm a first time mom and I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.

maybebride

We do very similar to what others have said. 

Only for hitting or some other activity that could hurt himself or others. He mostly gets it for climbing on the kitchen chairs and table. Right now, I sit on a spot in front of a window and I sit in front of him to make sure he stays, but I do not make eye contact or otherwise engage him. We also use the 1 minute per age timeline. 

For tantrums, we calmly talk him through them. Sometimes, especially in the store if he starts to get angry because he wants something and we've said no, I will sing this song about getting mad from the one TV show he watches. It calms him down and makes him happy because he loves the show (Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood on PBS).

ashiscute

1.  Tantrums are best ignored.

2.  I go over at the end of the time to end the timeout.  If DD or DS isn't screaming and not listening then I walk away.  DD carries on a bit but DS always is ready to hug it out.  

3.  We do the Super Nanny technique of 1 minute per age.  

4.  Our timeout spot is in our kitchen where I can see from most of the house.  It's a corner.  I never sat with them but just left them there.  Yes this will take a few tries of putting them back but they will catch on quickly.  Mine were both about 17 mos when we started and got it faster than I thought.   

5.  Consistency is key.  It will not happen overnight but it is a very effective way of teaching a consequence.  We do it for hitting, biting, and things like that.  We do not usually do it for throwing toys (we take the toy away) unless it's a shit storm of throwing and then I might.  We do- 1 hit is a warning, hit again it's timeout.  After the timeout we go over and say "you were in timeout for hitting.  we do not hit".  We hug it out and move on.  When they are older we ask and talk about being sorry but at the beginning I wouldn't get hung up on those things.  

hilsy85

1. Should I give time outs for tantrums or just ignore them? We don't give timeouts for tantrums--I ignore them/let him work them out. They're usually because he's hungry, tired, or frustrated, and a time out wouldn't really help in those situations IMO.

2. I'm pretty sure time outs will call for some screaming/crying sessions, should I wait til he has calmed down before letting him get out of the time out spot or do the time out for the set amount of time no matter if he is crying? (I don't want him to think that if he screams or cries hard enough I'll let him get down, kind of like with sleep training. Been there, done that.) I do one minute, regardless of whether he is calm or crying during that time. He has ALWAYS calmed down immediately once the time out is over 

3. Are there guidelines for how long the time outs should be for certain ages? I think the general rule is 1 minute per year old. I sit with him, and then when it's over, I give him a hug, tell him why he was in time out, and tell him I love him. 

4.  What are some good ideas for time out "spots"? Should I sit with him to make sure he stays in the spot or just put him back in the spot if he gets up before the time is done? My LO is 22 months and I don't think that he would stay in one spot by himself, and I also feel like that would be a little harsh for him, so I sit with him facing a corner. I don't talk to him or look at him, I just keep a gentle hand on him so he doesn't get up. 

5. Does anybody have any advice in general regarding time outs? STAY CONSISTENT. Only say that you will give a time out if you intend to follow through. Also, I don't give time outs for things I want him to start doing--like, he won't get a time out because I want him to put his shoes on and he won't. He only gets time outs if he won't stop doing something I want him to stop doing--like if he continually pushes his chair back from the table onto its legs. 

We didn't start doing them until 21 months and they've been really effective! 

DeerNHeadlights

I do a 3 minute time out for tantrums, hitting, throwing things, and repeatedly not listening. I put him in a chair in the corner. If he gets up the time gets reset. After time is up I give him a hug and kiss and tell him I love him but he needs to be a good boy. Very effective for us.

Edited: hit save too soon.

ZaydensMomma

Thank you for the advice and feedback everyone! I really appreciate it. I feel a little more confident about starting time outs. I figured time outs for tantrums wasn't a good idea but I had to ask anyway. Thanks again!

erinmc1

We do time-outs for hitting, throwing things, and smacking food off his tray.  If he's eating, I turn his high chair around so he's facing the corner, and leave him there for about a minute or until he calms, whichever comes first.  For hitting/throwing, I turn him to the corner, and sit behind him, holding his arms stationary so he can't smack or thrash, and count to 60.  

michelle7482

I do time outs for SEVERE tantrums ( like when she just won't calm down), for hitting and throwing things. If it's a minor offense I use the couch for 2-5 mins until she relaxes. If it's really bad, she goes in her crib to calm down.( the girl loves her crib and there have been no negative side effects of using the crib). Timeouts work wonders on my daughter and she stays in timeout until I let her out after we talk about what happened. However, timeout oy really started to become effective around 26 months. She's now 30 months (2.5).

DawnJM25

We've just recently started time outs with our 21-mo.  I agree with others who have said not to give timeouts for tantrums.  I also don't give timeouts for throwing food on the floor.  DD (almost 3) did this and grew out of it.  IMO that's just exploring or communicating to me that they are done eating. 

Timeouts are for hitting and biting and sometimes climbing.  I usually give a warning first.  I set the microwave timer for 1 min for each year of age.  We started with 1 min, but are moving toward 90 seconds. 

I think it's important for kids to learn consequences, but don't punish them for "normal" toddler behavior like exploring, banging, or venting frustration.  Redirecting their attention can work better than a timeout sometimes.