Need advice on how to handle situation regarding wedding

jpoindahouse

First and foremost, I want to apologize for coming on and asking for advice after an extended absence. Life has been hectic and suddenly a situation has arisen and I'm not sure where to go.

 

DH's brother's wedding is this weekend. DH is the man of honor and I am a bridesmaid. The wedding is approximately 2 hours away from where DH and I currently live with LO and attending the wedding, including rehearsal dinner, will involve me being away from home for approximately 3 days and 2 nights.

Every since I was pregnant with LO they have let it be known that there will be no children at the wedding. Of course, I would love to have LO there, but I haven't wanted to cause waves and I want to respect their wishes for a child free wedding. Here's the problem: I am leaving LO with my mother and my mother will not attend the wedding. DH's brother and the bride are now pissed at me and my mother because my mother will not be attending the wedding. BIL told DH that the fact that my mom wouldn't be attending the wedding was "offensive." DH's brother and wife are not speaking to me because of this. DH's mother keeps calling DH and telling him that she's just so hurt that my mom won't be there and that I should find a sitter. MIL claims that this is because she just really wants my mother there, but I feel like she is just trying to cause drama. I really don't know anyone who I would trust my son with for 3 days and 2 nights other than family. I have knots in my stomach going into this wedding because of all of the drama. Thoughts on how to handle this? Am I in the wrong?

sdlaura

No, you're not wrong.  They have a choice - either you attend the wedding and your mother takes care of your baby, or you don't attend the wedding.  Leave it up to them.  End of discussion.

jpoindahouse

Avswolf said:

I'm just wondering why your BIL wants YOUR mom to attend?  Is this a really close knit family? I know if my BILs get married, they won't be inviting my parents.

Either way, I agree with @sdlaura.

I felt this way too. My mother has only met DH's brother like 5 times. MIL tried to tell me "well you were upset that your godmother didn't attend your wedding" and I said "That was my godmother. This is his brother's wife's mother." MIL didn't offer any response because I think she knows that it is being unreasonable. I just don't understand these people. I secretly suspect that it is more about creating drama then it is about a genuine desire to have my mother there. I just don't get it.

narcissticbeaut

ugh sounds like my family. you have no reason to feel bad. most moms wouldn't leave their child with a sitter for that long and especially over night like that. your mom is your best option. they should be happy that you're still attending. it would've been just as easy to say you couldn't be apart of it bc you didn't have a sitter. 

don't feel bad. and if you feel tension at the wedding just excuse yourself and mingle with new people. 

hope everything gets settled

jpoindahouse

broccolisgirl said:

Also, hi. :-h Nice to see you.

nice to see you too!

jpoindahouse

Thanks guys! You guys confirmed what I thought- the reaction is weird and crazy. I personally tend to believe that it is just being done to start shit and to create drama. I mean, I can't fathom why BIL and FSIL would genuinely be hurt that my mother, who they have only met a handful of times, cannot attend their wedding. I also think that MIL is behind this all- stirring up shit behind the scenes because that is how she operates. I think if she does that fake "I just wanted your mom here because she is family and I love her" I'm going to lose it. I know for a fact that she talks all sorts of smack about my mom behind her back. If you dislike a woman enough to spread rumors about her why would you want her at your son's wedding? It just doesn't add up and it isn't genuine

RedSoxGirl10

Ugh, sorry you have to deal with this. It is stressful to leave the baby for that long, don't let this add to your stress! 

jpoindahouse

They were told thaty mother would be babysitting while lo was Still in utero, practically a year before invites went out. My mother formally rsvped "no" on time and sent a gift. I'm not sure why shit is hitting the fan now

boogerbearoriginal

It really sounds like they are just grasping at straws to be outraged for the sake of drama. 

This is ridiculous, people can't always attend weddings because other things come up. And they knew you would need child care to be in the wedding.   Being disappointed someone can't attend =/= refusing to speak with family.  There were people I wished could come to my wedding that weren't able to attend. I was sad, but I didn't throw a temper tantrum.  BIL/SIL/MIL need to grow the fuckup and stop acting like petulant children.

Good luck, they sound totally unreasonable about this.