Baby Showers
mariposo15
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Polite way to say "Cut the list" or I can't throw your shower?
mariposo15
member
in Baby Showers
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place...Offered to throw my SIL a baby shower at my home; asked her to let me know what weekend November would be best for her and asked her to compile a list of family members and close friends that she would like to invite (told her not to worry about my brother's side of the family, I would include them so she didn't have to worry about getting all of that info).
About a week later, she told me her guest list was up to 45! I tried to explain that a shower of that size would not fit in my house, that even if half of them were not able to make it, I would still not be able to fit her side AND my brother's side of the family. I asked if she thought there might be a way to cut the list down a little bit ("No, I don't think so. I have a lot of friends" - None of which are offering to throw her a shower). I also asked if she had any other baby showers being planned just in case there was the possibility of everyone on her list being invited to two - Nope.
The list is now up to 75, for her side alone, even after I asked her to reduce the original list!! She now says that she wants the shower to be co-ed (so double the list = 150 for just her side), be at a facility (add more $), doesn't want games or baby shower-type activities, would prefer it to be more of an open house, AND have alcohol for the guests (add $$$). Oh, she also wants the shower moved to early October so that she has time to return gifts if she doesn't get what she wants/needs (she's due at the end of December). Which, makes complete sense EXCEPT that she has registered for about 4-5 of everything. Yes, 4 monitors, 6 nursery bedding sets, different parts/accessories of multiple different brands of breast pumps, etc. She says she wants the guests to have options. Isn't the point of a registry to register for the things that YOU want and therefore avoid having to return/exchange??
How can I explain to her that the list needs to be cut in a way that she will understand and not be rude? She obviously ignored my request earlier so apparently I need to be more thorough. I definitely don't want to have to retract my offer to throw the shower, because I really do want to throw her a beautiful shower (and NO ONE else is willing to throw her one). But if the guest list will be almost 200-300 people I will not be hosting. I'm really at a loss since my request fell upon deaf ears last time...Thank you in advance for any advice. I apologize for the long post!
About a week later, she told me her guest list was up to 45! I tried to explain that a shower of that size would not fit in my house, that even if half of them were not able to make it, I would still not be able to fit her side AND my brother's side of the family. I asked if she thought there might be a way to cut the list down a little bit ("No, I don't think so. I have a lot of friends" - None of which are offering to throw her a shower). I also asked if she had any other baby showers being planned just in case there was the possibility of everyone on her list being invited to two - Nope.
The list is now up to 75, for her side alone, even after I asked her to reduce the original list!! She now says that she wants the shower to be co-ed (so double the list = 150 for just her side), be at a facility (add more $), doesn't want games or baby shower-type activities, would prefer it to be more of an open house, AND have alcohol for the guests (add $$$). Oh, she also wants the shower moved to early October so that she has time to return gifts if she doesn't get what she wants/needs (she's due at the end of December). Which, makes complete sense EXCEPT that she has registered for about 4-5 of everything. Yes, 4 monitors, 6 nursery bedding sets, different parts/accessories of multiple different brands of breast pumps, etc. She says she wants the guests to have options. Isn't the point of a registry to register for the things that YOU want and therefore avoid having to return/exchange??
How can I explain to her that the list needs to be cut in a way that she will understand and not be rude? She obviously ignored my request earlier so apparently I need to be more thorough. I definitely don't want to have to retract my offer to throw the shower, because I really do want to throw her a beautiful shower (and NO ONE else is willing to throw her one). But if the guest list will be almost 200-300 people I will not be hosting. I'm really at a loss since my request fell upon deaf ears last time...Thank you in advance for any advice. I apologize for the long post!
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Re: Polite way to say "Cut the list" or I can't throw your shower?
Momtobe2912, I think including my brother in this conversation will help and was thinking of talking to him first. That way he can maybe give me some advice of how to explain it to her.
I'm going to stick to my guns on the shower vs. open house thing too. I feel if it's more of an open house, with no baby shower type activities at all, it feels like a "drop off your presents & leave" kind of party. Which is what SIL is wanting, in my opinion, which is why she wants more people to come.
Definitely give us an update!
Anyway, this is insane. Tell her you offered to throw her a shower, not an open house, and if she doesn't want the shower you want to throw, then you need to step down. Bring your brother into the talk and good luck!
No update yet? waaaa!
I asked her several times to pare down the list, saying I could accommodate about 16-20 guests in my home. It was a no go. She wanted a park, etc... That's when I had to tell her and my bro both that I just couldn't afford this... I mean come on I was a divorced mom with 3 kids and not getting child support. Wtf did they expect? That's when they offered to pay for booze and food. I had HAD it. I told them then it wouldn't be me hosting and I was sorry I couldn't accommodate the kind of celebration they wanted.
They were pissed but got over it and threw their own shower. Like, 5 people came.
@
Please let us know how it goes.
You have to be brutally honest and tell her te X number of total guests you are comfortable having and that you can offer up YOUR home, not a facility. Just be honest about it. If she gets offended or what not, then she's just not worth your effort!!
Sounds like a real winner of a SIL...
My shower is going to be at my MIL's house and i'm avoiding inviting many people at all just because of that. I have a guest list of 12 and i've already cut some people from it (if anyone is particularly offended and can't understand that houses are small then they can deal with it!)