December 2014 Moms

Go away, PgAL brain!! (losses mentioned)

I thought I would be cured of it once I reached viability and felt LO kicking nonstop but nope. In the back of my head, I still worry. I'm not sure why, as the losses I have had were in first tri so I'm not at any increased risk of m/cing now. I even get stressed when people at work say congratulations to me. Can't a girl catch a break? Any other PgAL moms still paranoid like me? (I would hope you all say no to that question actually.) I want to actually enjoy the end of this pregnancy but it is hard to enjoy it wholeheartedly...
Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


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Re: Go away, PgAL brain!! (losses mentioned)

  • I am not even a PgAL and I still have concerns. Looking forward to viability and then the higher viability rates.


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  • I am :( Let me say first of all how sorry I am you've been through losses. I've only lost one and it was one of the most horrible and traumatic things I've ever been through. It was almost exactly one year ago and even though it was an early loss, I'm still terrified this baby isn't going to make it either...

    So you definitely aren't alone ❤❤❤ But try as hard as it is to be strong, for your little one and also for yourself.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • I also have not experienced a loss and still find myself worrying.  Still haven't announced on Facebook and I won't until he/she is here.  I wish I could be one of those blissfully unaware pregnant women that has no idea how quickly their life can change by preterm labor or other complications.  I guess it comes from knowing too much!  No advice, per se.  Just know that you are not alone and I hope you can find more joy in your pregnancy as you get closer and closer to term!  

    DS 06/2013

    DD 12/2014

  • We lost our daughter last summer at 16weeks. Even though I've hit Vday (Today, whoo hoo!) I sometimes stop and do something to make her move, drink juice and lay down, or eat something sweet. I guess I wont be convinced everything is alright until she is out!

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    I'm not hungry, I'm HUUUNNNNNGGGRRRRRYYYY! NOW!

    Dec 2014 Dec Siggy, Free For All

    Big E- 2008

    Miss M- 2011

    Baby Z- 2012

    Baby Smoosh, Due Dec 2014

  • Thanks so much ladies!! ((hugs)) to all of you and I'm so sorry to those who have also experienced loss/es. I feel fortunate that DH, my family, and friends have all been great supporters. I'm just struggling to process all the good things that are coming my way (baby shower, setting up the nursery). I want to enjoy them but PgAL makes me question every new step. Don't get me wrong - I am thrilled to have gotten to V-Day and I love feeling all those little kicks! I really don't expect something to go wrong at this point, but I am also not totally content until LO is with me safe and sound. Although I don't wish anyone to feel paranoid like me, its nice to know I'm not alone in the way I am feeling. :-)
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


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  • Pgal brain with this pregnancy and my last has certainly been better than with DD1. We had 2 first tri m/c before her, and I was a nervous wreck her entire pregnancy. Didn't help that I had an anterior placenta with her so movement wasn't as consistent. I didn't relax until I was on the fetal monitor in L&D ready to deliver! I was nervous with DD2 and this one too, but not nearly as bad. Pgal sucks. (((Hugs)))
    BFP #1 - 2/1/09-mc 2/5/09 @4wks
    BFP #2 - 6/24/09-mc 7/25/09 @8wks
    6/09 Dx w/PCOS--Metformin & Progesterone
    8/09 Dx w/Compound Hetero MTHFR--Neevo, Metanx & BA
    BFP #3 - 1/11/10 - DD1 born 9/16/10 @39w4d, 8lbs 14oz & 20in.
    Heparin from BFP to 34wks.
    BFP #4 - 10/4/11 - DD2 born 6/2/12 @38w1d, 8lbs 11oz & 21in.
    Same med protocol as last time, but heparin continued until delivery.
    BFP #5 - 3/30/14, EDC 12/10/14!!

    Beta #1-76 (12dpo), Beta #2-238 (14dpo)
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • So sorry about your previous losses. I have no experience with losses but couldn't get pregnant until we did IVF. I'm still worried all the time and didn't tell the world until almost 20 weeks. Still waiting for v-day (in a few days) to out myself at work.
    Pregnant with #2

    IVF cycle 1 (Nov 2013)- freeze all d/t OHSS
    FET #1-BFN
    FET #2-BFP baby girl born Dec 2014
    FET #3-Sept 2017 BFP but miscarried at 6 weeks

    IVF cycle 2 (Oct 2017)- freeze all again d/t OHSS
    FET #1 BPF, pregnant with a singleton due Sept 2018


    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I'm more at ease than I was in the beginning, but I'm a worrier.  I still worry about my 3 year old and will probably always have anxiety that something could happen to my family.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    BFP #1 = 9/29/10; Charlie born 6/2/11
    BFP #2 = 10/22/12; missed m/c @ 7 weeks 5 days
    BFP #3 = 4/15/14; EDD 12/28/14

    **Formerly known as MyEggo=Preggo**
  • Sometimes, yes. I'm just now 22 weeks, and just starting to feel LO kick/move on a regular basis, so there's that. But yeah, even though my losses were all early and I have no reason to think anything is wrong, I still worry. When someone congratulates me, or we buy something for the nursery, I have all these horrible thoughts about what we'll have to "undo" if something goes wrong.
    Jimmie, mama to Zoey (March 2011)
    Losses 5/13, 8/13, and 3/14. 
    Expecting another GIRL! Carter Grace due on 12/25.

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  • I'm not PgAl, but the only time I don't worry is right after my ob appointments and when I feel LO moving. The rest of the time I'm constantly asking H if he thinks everything is ok or freaking myself out or praying to God for everything to be alright in there. I can only imagine how that would be amplified if I had experienced a loss. My heart goes out to you mommas who have.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • Im PGAL & I'm right there with you. I rely on prayer a lot but my mind runs wild. I constantly worry. It's so hard to just enjoy pregnancy. (((HUGS)))

    Me & DH (33), 3 Furbabies, TTC since October 2011
    Day 3 #’s (Dec 2012) FSH 9, AMH .77, LH 2.4, E2 31, AFC 9 

    DX: Me-DOR + No Tubes, DH-Fine

    Ectopic 2007; lost tube/2nd tube removed Dec 2011 (hydro)

    April 2012=IVF#1- EPP Antag+ICSI, 2R,0F (BFN), Now dx’d with DOR.

    June-July 2012=IVF#2- MDL+ICSI&AH, 8R,4M,3F (BFP 9dp3dt) Beta#1 at 11dp3dt=36, Beta#2 at 15dp3dt=156, Beta#3 at 19dp3dt=671, dx'd with SCH, no growth-m/c at 7wks/Lap Dec 2012 to remove small fibroid.

    Feb 2013=IVF#3-MDL, 2/1=baseline, started 10 units mdl, AFC-7, 2/3 start gonal f, self cxld cycle b/c of low e2.

    April 2013=IVF#3.5-(with new RE)AG/ANT Conv + ICSI. 4/10-4/23 bcp's, 4/20-4/27 lupron, 4/28-ganirelix until end of stimming, 5/2-600 gonal f, 5/4-add 1/2 vial menopur, 5/13-ER (9R,1M,1F), 5/17-ET, 1 beautiful 8 cell (please be my sticky baby!!!!) 5/28-BFFN.

    Oct 2013=IVF#4-LLP+ICSI &AH, 10/14 (6R, 2M, 2F), 10/17-ET, 1 seven cell & a six cell, BFP at 9dp3dt, 1st beta=56, 2nd beta=52, CP.

    Jan 2014=IVF #5-LLP, Cxld after 6 days of stims due to fast response and lead follicle. 

    March 2014=IVF 5.5-LLP, Lupron 3/10, BL 3/18, 11 days of stims, Trigger 3/29, ER 3/31. 7R, 2M, 2F. ET 4/3. Txfd one 5 cell & one 9 cell. BFP on hpt from 7dp3dt & on. Praise be to God. Beta #1 at 11dp3dt=106, #2 at 13dp3dt=239. First u/s 4/28, measuring on track & heartbeat seen. 5/5-2nd u/s, measuring on track with strong heartbeat. 5/12- 3rd u/s & released from RE. Grow baby grow, we love you! Baby G&T is a BOY! Born 12/2014 via c/s! 8lbs, 8oz & 21 inches.


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    "God's Delay is not God's Denial"
  • soulcupcakesoulcupcake member
    edited August 2014
    (((hugs)))

    It can really suck. I lost my first son six years ago this November. I had *just* ordered my birth kit the morning I discovered he was gone. I was in the nesting phase and getting ready for his arrival in December. Then I used my doppler, and nothing. I knew he was gone, but it didn't sink in for some time. I was just numb and in shock. Maybe in denial? Because I kept trying to listen for his heartbeat and *wanting* to believe it was him, whatever I heard. But he was indeed gone.

    And with my second son, while I was beyond ecstatic when I got my BFP, I was a wreck throughout most of my pregnancy. I had horrible anxiety and panic attacks, and it worsened at different times. He was also due in December, and I was convinced something would go wrong, again. I put off buying things until the third trimester and kept receipts and tags just in case I had to return things. I could barely get excited.

    I knew pregnancy wasn't ever going to be the same, and it isn't. I was sadly already very aware of the realities of second and third trimester and birth loss, but when you become that statistic, it does change things. And every time I saw a mama in one of my due date groups experience a late loss, I'd break down, again.

    It is better this time, and since it isn't a pregnancy directly after a loss I discovered that anxiety and fear aren't as severe as they were before. The fear and uncertainty are still there, but it's not as fresh, you know?

    Celebrating Pregnancy Again: Restoring the lost joys of pregnancy after the loss of a child is a book written by a friend, and I'm planning on getting it to help me throughout the rest of this pregnancy.

    Some days I feel good, and other days I worry. She's very, very active, and I would absolutely not hesitate to think something is off if her movement suddenly changed. I've known mamas express concern to their providers and get hushed away saying "it's probably nothing, come in tomorrow." In one of my D09 due date groups one of the mamas *knew* something was wrong. She was 25 weeks. She called L&D and her doctor, and was told the usual. Told that if she were still worried the next day to come in. 

    She lost her daughter not even a year before at 24 weeks, no known cause, so she had every reason to be worried. Those of us in the stillbirth/neonatal loss forum urged her to go in, and she listened to her intuition. Sadly, she was right. Ugh. That was one of the times I just broke down. We were part of the same support group and were carrying our rainbow babies together. I was utterly heartbroken for her, again. Her doctor didn't listen to her concerns despite her history, and I discovered that is actually very common. She wasn't at 28 weeks where kick counts become standard practice, so her concerns were brushed off. (those with a history of late loss are sometimes encouraged to begin kick counts at 24 weeks now)

    When it comes to a decrease of movement once it's strong and consistent, and you truly sense something is off, don't let anyone trivialize or minimize your concerns. Do the usual to stimulate movement, but if you sense something is still off, don't hesitate to call or get seen.

    I've used a doppler throughout every pregnancy, and used it the most during my last. Surprisingly, I haven't used it much since 16-17 weeks. But I have no problem using it should I feel the need or need some reassurance.

    *sending positive thoughts and hugs to you ladies*


    G 12.04 | E 11.06 | D 11.08  | H 12.09 | R 11.14 | Expecting #6 2.16.18.



  • I'm also PGAL and have my bad days. I just pray that everything will be ok. I know it might not. It's hard and draining.
    Lilypie - (vGZN)

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP2: 10/27/13(edd 7/10/14) "Speck" ~ M/C 12/5/13
  • JCM285JCM285 member
    edited August 2014
    @JRod13‌ this is me exactly! I feel sooo much better after appointments. I will be so happy when they are more frequent (I think this will be soon). @aeonlux‌ so sorry for your loss and how you found out really broke my heart (of course finding out is heartbreaking itself). That is so true that it must seem more fresh if the pregnancy follows a loss. Thanks for the advice on voicing concerns too. I literally called the office every day the first couple months of this pregnancy.
    Married my best friend 7/2/11 - Furbaby born 7/9/11 and brought into our home 9/1/11

    BFP#1:   2/2/13 ~ exact m/c date unknown but around 3/20 at 10 weeks ~ diagnosed with PMP ~ D&C on 4/5 ~ TTA for at least 1 year due to PMP ~ cleared to TTC 1/14

    BFP#2:   2/7/14 ~ m/c 2/20/14 ~ possibly due to chemical pregnancy ~ TG no D&C is needed 

    Surprise BFP#3:  4/4/14 ~ super duper extra happy (and nervous) about this one - EDD 12/9/14!!!

    John Joseph was born on 12/12/14 at 7 lbs. 11 oz.  He is the most beautiful rainbow baby we could have wished for!


    image





  • ColeyCannoliColeyCannoli member
    edited August 2014
    ((Hugs)) I totally understand. I only lost one in the first trimester but it still makes me nervous when this one is quiet for a day or I feel a random pain in my abdomen. I've annoyed my OB many many times so far. I'd like to think I'll calm down when he's here but I doubt it. Next fear will be SIDS and him getting sick and car accidents and on and on. I'm taking it as part of being a mom. It's the blessed chance to be worried about someone for the rest of my life :P
    In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14 <3
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • So sorry for your losses.  I had 3 losses in the year before this pregnancy and PgAl brain won't seem to go away.  Even though all the losses were in the first trimester, I still feel anxious that something will go wrong.  I keep thinking...if I get to the second trimester I'll feel better, if I get to v-day I'll feel better.  I definitely feel better when I get to these milestones, but the anxiety doesn't go away.  Maybe when I get to 30 or 32 weeks?
    BTW- we have the same due date for our rainbow babies :).  
    BFP #1 - 03/13 Ectopic @ 5 weeks
    BFP#2 - 09/13 Natural m/c @ 6 weeks
    BFP #3 - 12/13 Natural m/c @ 6 weeks
    BFP #4 - 04/14   EDD - 9/12/14

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • PgAL is an evil thing, I had a loss this time last year at 6 weeks. Even though I'm so much further along and feel him kick daily now, I still worry. I pray for him every day and for me to have a peaceful mind because I don't want to wish myself through this pregnancy. I really do love being pregnant so I want to enjoy! I'm so sorry for your losses and wish PgAL would leave us beautiful, pregnant ladies alone.
  • I am not pgal and I am so sorry for all of your previous losses. I do however suffer from anxiety and not being able to take my medication while pregnant has been tough. As pp said not only am I constantly worried about this LO but I'm always worrying about anything that could happen to DS and DH since he's in the middle of the ocean until October. My mom always told me you don't know what worry means until you're a mom and a wife and let's just say she was right.

     

    D14 November Siggy Challenge: The feels of 3rd trimester...

     

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  • edited August 2014
    RaeChay said:



     I pray for him every day and for me to have a peaceful mind because I don't want to wish myself through this pregnancy.


    This....I would love to just enjoy being pregnant. I hate that every single day I wish it were December already. I've been wishing my way through since April. It makes it seem so hard and exhausting, doesn't it? It shouldn't be. I just pray every day that my son and family are protected...it's all I can do.

     I do feel like I'm getting a little better (just in general) in my attempts to have faith and trust that things will work out in life. It's a long road though.
    Yes this pregnancy is definitely testing my faith and trust in God. It's always been hard on me not to be in complete control and here's something monumental I have no control over. I have to just trust my body knows what it's doing and my little boy still kicks everyday to let me know he's ok :)
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