Husbands that hunt

ShamrockShimmy

Does anyone else have husbands that go away for hunting weekends (or other get-aways), and how do you manage it?  This is our first baby, shes 5 months and breastfed.  I work full-time at a hospital (3-12 hour shifts), alternating days and nights.  The days of the week I work vary weekly as well.  My husband works a lot of long days (usually 10, often 12+) and also sometimes travels during the week for work as well (sometimes gets home Thursday night, sometimes not until Friday afternoon).  Ideally he doesn't work Fridays, but we never know for sure until the end of the day on Thurs.

Hunting and fishing are his main hobbies, and the land he, FIL, and BIL lease is about 5 hours away.  Typically he goes at least once for bow season, and then goes 1st and 2nd weekend of gun deer season.  

Our childcare is mostly taken care of by my parents (they live about 20 minutes away and my dad is retired and very generous with his time).  This also means that for my overnight shifts LO sleeps at their house if MH is out of town, and I sleep there during the day so that I can get up and nurse.  My ILs are fabulous and would love to help, but both are working full-time and they live about an hour away.  

MH would like to go 2 of the 3 weekends that he usually goes, but I work both of them.  This means that I work 6P-6:30A Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so I will need to sleep several hours during the day Saturday and Sunday and need someone to watch her then in addition to the time I'm actually gone at work.  

I don't think it's reasonable to ask my parents to watch LO those weekends too, since they already watch her for us so much - they need time off too!  MH's idea is to have MIL watch her, but MIL (understandably) would want to take her to their house rather than sleep at our house all weekend (we don't have a guest room or anything).  My issue with this is that then I don't get to BF her the entire weekend, I feel like this is a lot of shuffling for the baby (sleeping at my parents potentially a couple days that week if H travels for work, now sleeping at IL's on the weekend as well), and then I don't get to see my baby for the entire weekend!  Am I being selfish in feeling like maybe he needs to just skip it for one year?  He works hard and needs a break too, but she won't be this small forever!  

TL;DR Is it unreasonable of me to expect MH to skip hunting the first year after having the baby since I work all weekend?

[Deleted User]

That's a tough one.  I think both mom and dad need to maintain hobbies for sanity.  And hunting seasons are short so it isn't a long term gone a lot of weekends deal.  

But at the same time, it is a burden on your family to ask them to watch her for the entire weekend.  My parents would love it but my ILs would not like it.  It really depends on the individual family dynamics there.  

Has your schedule already been set for the next few months?  Could you alter your schedule so you were off during the hunting weekends and maybe work during the week to make up the time?  

I feel like there is a compromise in there somewhere even if it means he has to skip either bow or rifle.

[Deleted User]

Just strap the kiddo in a camo Ergo and send him with DH. 

Bless Mossy Oaks heart.  They have this covered. 

[Deleted User]

ShamrockShimmy

@MarlaSinger& I mostly feel like it's a burden because my parents watch her weekly plus have other grandchildren they watch.  My MIL would do it, I'm sure, but I just take issue with not seeing my baby all weekend (since she would be an hour away at MIL's house).  I can't alter my work schedule - my position cannot go unfilled, but there is only 1 of us there at a time.  Due to recent layoffs we just had a major scheduling shuffle so basically there's no wiggle room in the schedule for the next few months.  I know you're probably right, we need to figure out a compromise though...

@catbenatar Not really, I would basically need someone Friday from 5:30PM until 1:30 or 2PM Saturday and then back at 5:30PM Saturday until 1:30 or 2PM Sunday...and that would entail me only getting about 6 hours of sleep a day and hoping that I can neglect my schoolwork for the weekend (also in grad school)

c-elizabethf

Dh usually does bow season too but he skipped it last year and started the first weekend of November. The first year our baby was born she was 6 months old and he went I believe 2 Saturdays out of the month and when he shot a deer he didn't go anymore.

aylafsu88

My H is a avid hunter and spends most of the year hunting something (turkey, deer). I never minded it before we had LO but she changed everything. When LO was young I was stressed out and dealing with LO all day by myself while getting up at night was to much. We compromised and he went less often (like every other weekend). I worked well for us and we made it through the seasons. Now that LO is older it is not a big deal and he goes more often.

ShamrockShimmy

I agree it is important for him to have "his time".  Hopefully BIL can do a different weekend and they can go one of the weekends I have off.  I just feel like if it HAS to be a weekend I work, then MIL would have to come and stay (if she's willing.)  He has been looking around to see if there is anyone willing to lease land for hunting in our area so he doesn't have to actually leave but can get out a few times.  I know part of the fun is the getaway with the guys part though too.  

[Deleted User]

It's a fair compromise to ask him to pick a weekend that you are off. 

ShamrockShimmy

I feel like next year if my job is an issue, it will be much less of a hassle for her to go and stays at MIL's for the weekend as far as pumping etc goes.  I'm sure it will even be something she looks forward to.  Plus, I don't think it will be as difficult for me as she gets older especially since I'm hoping to go to part time next year sometime.  Because of that, I kind of feel like it's just one year, it's not the end of the world.  But I don't want him to feel like his interests don't matter and always have to take a backseat.  

[Deleted User]

Between the talk of deer season and Bunkin's siggy, I really want venison. 

wearallthebabies

My view is a little different as DH just got his license this year and went through training. Therefore, he is going opening weekend, but is only going to be gone for a day. The second time he goes (since it is at my grandpa's house) is going to be Thanksgiving weekend and we are all going to my grandpa/grandma's house for a 3 day weekend- so I will have their help and my Mom's and sisters as they are staying as well.

I also only work M-F regular hours and so does DH- and we have DC, so that is different as well. I think if I were in your situation, I would agree to one weekend and then also schedule a few days where you get you do something just for you. I also EBF, so I don't ever take the whole day for myself as DS HATES bottles and only eats minimally without me. .

ETA: DH is going away for a whole weekend for something else and I am going to have my mom stay with me that weekend to help out and that way she can also get some grandbaby time- but she also doesn't have to watch him during the week, so that is a bit different as well I suppose.

ShamrockShimmy

@Bunkinmama - finding somewhere nearby would be ideal...I'm hoping he's able to  

[Deleted User]

BunkinMama said:

@MarlaSinger&‌ we still have some in the freezer. In fact I'm making burritos with ground venison for dinner right now! Wanna come on over?

yes!

littlemermaid

I think some sort of compromise has to be made that doesn't involve you not seeing your baby for a whole weekend. So he either picks a different weekend that you aren't working, or he gets his mother to spend the weekend at your house.  You could give your room to your MIL and you sleep in the babies room on an air mattress if your MIL needs a bed that badly.