'That Kid'

dashofreality

So DS got in trouble at preschool for pushing. We have been struggling a lot lately with pushing and throwing, but this is really the first time that I have gotten reports that he has done it at preschool.

When you get a report that your kid misbehaves at school do you do anything about it at home? I asked him if he went to timeout and he said yes and we had a brief chat about keeping our hands to our self and not pushing when we are mad. He is two, I think that is about all that I can do, but no one wants to be the parent of 'that kid' that is pushing other kids.

[Deleted User]

At two, you really have to deal with in the moment and not after the fact.  Talking about it later is fine though it might not sink in at that age.

I would focus more on talking with his teachers and formulating a plan on how to stop the pushing (should they shadow like they would a biter?) and how to discipline when it happens.  

Like biting, it's a phase that will pass.  They don't have the words to say how they feel so they use physical means to speak.

MickeyM04

Yeah at 2 I don't think there's much you can do.  I agree that you probably have to deal with it at the time as opposed to several hours later.  I would probably have done the same thing as you and tried to discuss it with him later, of course I don't think my DS would have really understood the conversation, but I would have tried to have it anyway.  It's probably more something you can deal with at home as it happens, and just make sure that the teachers complement that plan, or that you complement theirs.

What I like is that our DC will tell us if there's an ongoing problem and they will ask us how we deal with it at home (if it happens at home), and tell us what they have been doing at DC to try to address it.  Then we sort of discuss a way to combine both approaches or just adopt one over the other so we can be consistent.  I think it would be a problem if, for example, at your DC they just let him push or throw or whatever and only addressed it in the form of an incident report to you, and then at home you're trying to discipline the same behavior and he would be like, What gives, this is fine 40 hours a week.  Or if at DC they just talked about it, but at home you did time outs, and then he's not sure what the consequence is for his actions.  So my only suggestion would be to work with DC together so you can be on the same plan.

I think this is pretty normal behavior for a 2 year old though, so I wouldn't think of it as your kid being "that kid."  I think all 2 year olds are "that kid."

 

(Edited for clarity)

TheBorg7of9

Normal! Be thankful it's not biting

Mustardseed2007

For a minute a couple months ago we were getting notes (and even an email) about DS (2.5) hitting teachers (ack!) and jumping on other kids - unwelcome, aggressive play they called it.

I always reached out to the teachers in response but we didn't do further discipline. We did start putting him to bed a little earlier, cut out some tv shows he was watching, and limited super hero play for a while (since it involved play). And we talked every day about listening to messages and gentle hands.

Really that's about all you can do, delayed punishment or taking away a privilege at home or something is way over their heads until later.

Tink112011

I think its safe to say that at some point, every parent is the parent of 'that kid'.

Your LO is so young that you shouldn't be terribly concerned.  My generally good-natured sweet little boy went through a period of being aggressive at daycare.  If your LOs teachers are addressing it as it happens, and you're doing the same at home, then you're doing a good job. Keep the message consistent.  A consequence that happens long after the act isn't going to help him.

I would imagine that a timeout at preschool is pretty darn effective, since the consequence happens immediately and in front of peers.

shannm

I will add that when parents get reports, it always feels like your kid is "that kid." I try to remind myself that this is likely not the case and he is going through what many other kids go through.
We've been dealing with it this summer with numerous reports that our six year old is pushing and spitting. Ugh.