Talking to DH about TTC

LizzyRB

Last time I asked how DH felt about TTC he said he was 100% not ready yet (this was March-ish) and I was fine with that because I want us to be on the same page.

I turned 30 last weekend and something about that kind of made me feel like I should really starting figuring it out. And I certainly feel ready.

Do you think I should bring it up again or is it too soon? If I do start the conversation again how would you go about approaching it? Should I wait for the day where he brings it up? I certainly don't want to him to feel pressured and I am worried bringing it up months later again may do that.

LizzyRB

Joy2611 said:

"I've been thinking about babies again.  I don't want you to feel pressured from me or anything, but I was curious if we could explore this topic in a conversation?  You said you aren't ready, which I completely respect, but I was curious if you could tell me why you don't feel ready?  Is it just age?  Or is it money?  Are there things that you really want to do before we have children?  I'm trying to get a better understanding of where your mind is."

I love this, thank you. Very well said. 

Helenahhandbasket

Do a lot of his friends (guy friends) have kids yet, or would you two be the first (or one of the first) couples to have a baby?  He might be worried (rightfully so) about how a baby is going to change his life.

Generally speaking, in my personal expereince, men tend to come around to the idea of being fathers when they see their friends start to become fathers. When they see other men that they relate to "making it work" so to speak, I think that really hits a nerve.

Obvioulsy, this isn't true for all men, but many, many of my friends husband's initiated the TTC talk when their friends started to have babies.

So I would bring it up again, but you will have to be open to the thought of him saying he needs more time.

 

LizzyRB

We only have one close set of friends with a LO.  And to be honest, they look like they are struggling a bit adjusting. I wonder if that has him scared too. Good point!

suorange

I went through something similar a couple weeks ago. Got great advice on here to talk w/ FI to really understand his reasons. In doing that, we were able to get on the same page so I highly recommend bringing it up with him. No use in trying to guess.

LizzyRB

Not sure if anyone comes back to read updates, but just in case... 

I talked to DH over the weekend. Asked his honest thoughts about having kids and told him if he wasn't ready it's totally fine but let's have a talk about it. I was floored when he said ok let's see what happens.

So, I will start prenatals and we will start TTC after (during?) our Vacation in November. Thanks for the awesome advice! 

leowife143

YAY   happy that you guys are TTC !  I wish you ALLLL the luck  you will be a wonderful mother.

My husband and I actually had this talk last week. Now, I am ready... never been so sure about something in my life, its my time... i am ready. My ovaries are quivering haha..
He, on the other hand, not so much, he wants to wait 1 or 2  more years !
I am going to bring it back up after the new year and see how he feels about it then.
I think he is just worried we arent going to have time to do things we like to do on our own, or having enough money etc.. so send your good luck my way

praying for you and  and your husband ! so excited for you.

ematheis

So so so glad it all worked out! Such an exciting chapter ahead for you both!

TCUFrog08

YAY!! I know that this is an old post, but glad that ya'll were on the same page and TTC now. I had the same conversation with my DH about 2 months ago. He said he just isn't ready yet. I am in the process of trying to change careers so that will put a hold on us TTC for a while. 

Good Luck!