How to initiate relationship with DS's DC friends and their parents

MickeyM04

DS has a few friends at DC that he talks about.  And by talks about, I mean he will be sitting in the car on the way to or from school and will repeat their names to me over and over.  I have seen all these kids a number of times at pick-up and drop-off, especially when I was on ML and was picking up DS really early so all the kids were still there.  Well, our DC recently had a big end of summer picnic, and several of the kids and parents attended (it was probably 100 people total).  We met a few of the parents at the picnic and had nice conversations with some of the ones whose kids we know DS is friends with, and we did that purposefully as opposed to trying to strike up conversations with parents of kids in the other rooms.  There were a couple that we actually had extended chats with, but I didn't really know how to pursue it at the end of the picnic in terms of saying like, "Hey, we should do this again sometime," or, "Hey, maybe we can get the boys together for a playdate."  I'm just awkward like that I guess.  My question is, would it be weird to put a note in these kids' cubbies that says something like, "Dear ____, Would you like to come to the park with me one weekend soon?  I think it would be lots of fun!  If you aren't busy, have your mom call my mom, ____. Her phone number is _____.  Love, DS."  Is that weird? I mean I feel like if it were me and DS got one of those notes, I would be like, "OH EM GEE!  THIS IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE!"  The parents we talked to seemed super cool and down to earth and I don't think they would be put off by this, but I just don't know if it's super stalker-y and weird.  I just can't think of another way to do it.

We have only been in our area for a couple of years and DS had a nanny for a long time so we really don't have any friends in our area.  All of DH's and my friends who have kids live 45+ minutes away so we see them rather infrequently.  I had been hoping to find friends in the area so DS could have more play dates and DH and I could have people to hang out with as well since we are so isolated from everyone we know, and it just seems like this is the jackpot right here, but I don't know how to follow through.  What do you ladies think?

jtmomma13

Making new friends can be awkward. I would most likely not address the note to the child and address it to the parent. Just to potentially avoid any hysterics should the parents not be interested in a play date...which I have no idea why they wouldn't but just to ear on the side of caution. 

Granted at 2- they can't ready anyway. 

Edit- and I would be excited to get a note in my child's cubby as well! 

WBMom

I have left a note in a child's mailbox for the parents.  Just asking to meet at a park for a playdate.  I have had no issues with it and others typically are in the same situation - not knowing how to initiate.  We still hang out with DD1's daycare friends and their parents and she just turned 10!  Good Luck!

mlee116

I would love to get a note in DS's cubby!  I'm kind of shy and feel awkward initiating, but since you've already met them and talked to them, the ice is already broken, kwim? I say go for it!

VOR

Just write a note from you to the other parents.  "DS has talked a lot about your LO.  We'd love to get together for a playdate at the park one afternoon.  If you're interested, please email or call me!"

The note from your DS to their LO... maybe they'd think it's cute OR they'd think "Oh good grief - I can't handle this" and they won't be interested in contacting you. 

I don't think you can go wrong with an adult to adult note.

[Deleted User]

We didn't really start connecting until DS hit the 3 year old room and the kiddos starting having birthday parties and inviting all their classmates.  

We host a few cookouts throughout the year.  DS has a bestie and we talk with his parents often in passing as we do drop off, pick up and school events.  We ended up trading business cards and inviting them to one of our cookouts. 

You could throw a little playdate cookout at a local park and invite the kids.  Have some pizza and let the kids run around while the parents chit chat.

MommyAtty

If I got a note for my DD like that, I would make that high-pitched noise girls make for the very first time in my life. I'm not a squealer, but I would love that so much, I would totally make an exception.

MickeyM04

LOL @K3am

I also find that kind of funny, unless it's handprint/footprint art, which I just freaking love.

@MommyAtty, that's what I was thinking!  But I may just be a huge cheeseball.  DH said we should put, "Check yes/no/maybe" with little boxes for the checkmarks.  We are obviously a couple of douchebags.  LOL

SunAndRain

I would just write a note to the parent.  "Our daughters seems to get along great at daycare. We would love to get together at a local park on the weekend sometime. Please give us a call if you would like to meet up! {insert phone number}."

I stated doing this before DD turned two. Helped me make friends with the moms AND burned DD's energy. The play dates were short. I left before DD melted   But we can stay longer now that DD is a little older

sugarbear0524

It's like dating in 8th grade...isn't it? I always want the other mommies to like me. So lame.

88sharonlee

Your thoughts on this seem right on, I think the note idea is cute, but if you want to play it safe and just make it from parent to parent that's cool too, but I wouldn't be afraid to let your personality shine through- even if they think it's weird I don't think it's creepy weird so shouldn't stop them from being interested in the play date!

Go for it, they might be thinking the same thing you are and everyone's just too shy to make the first move!

88sharonlee

One more thought:
If you do go with the idea of the nite being from your LO I'd keep it light and casual. Maybe just extend an invite to something your already doing:

Hi friends name, my mommy is taking me to the playground on Oak Street this Saturday. If you want to come play with me tell your mom to give us a call.....

SunAndRain

I'd ask her teachers who she seems to be friendly with!

The teachers at DD's school are very encouraging of helping families connect! I know who DD's best friends are- DD only just turned 2!  The teachers call them the 3 musketeers (or maybe "the 3 trouble makers"?)

I still vote for a parent-to-parent note...but that is because I would want to foster my own friendship with the parent.  If I received a note "from" DD's friend that was written by the parent I would reason that DD spends enough time with the child at school and I wouldn't make the effort to connect outside of school.  Now if the mom made it apparent that she wanted to spend more time with ME in addition to getting the kids together then I would absolutely make an effort to meet up!

BTW, I wrote a note and worded it "our family enjoyed spending time with yours at [recent event] and would love to get together again!  Please let us know if you would be interested in a visit to the zoo or local park some day.  Here is my phone #...".

VOR

SunAndRain said:

I still vote for a parent-to-parent note...but that is because I would want to foster my own friendship with the parent.  If I received a note "from" DD's friend that was written by the parent I would reason that DD spends enough time with the child at school and I wouldn't make the effort to connect outside of school.  Now if the mom made it apparent that she wanted to spend more time with ME in addition to getting the kids together then I would absolutely make an effort to meet up!

I think this is a good point too.  I feel like this is also kind of a "know your audience" thing. 

You have a goofy side and that's great.  I have 2 friends in particular who I could see doing something like this.  As I KNOW them, I'd find it funny.

But if I got this kind of note from someone who I didn't know, it would make me think that they might be a "I AM A MOMMY!! Hear me roar!" kind of person.  And I don't know that I'd relate to that kind of person.  That may be an unfair judgment, but... it's probably what my initial reaction would be. 

And it would, to SunandRain's point, make me feel that the mom isn't really interested in meeting ME.  I would feel it's all about the kids.

MickeyM04

Thanks everyone for the perspective on the parent to parent note as opposed to child to child note.  I definitely hadn't thought of the fact that it might seem "off."  DH and I are kind of goofballs, and the parents we talked to definitely seemed cool, but I don't know that they would necessarily get that we are goofballs.  I personally would find that flipping adorable if DS got a note from another kid (written by the parents of course) but I am a goof so that may be why.  I agree since we opened the door by talking to the parents it probably would not seem weird to address the note to the parents, especially since we know their names now.  I hope it works out and we can make new friends!

Thanks all for the feedback!

lexusolsen

MickeyM04 said:

Thanks everyone for the perspective on the parent to parent note as opposed to child to child note.  I definitely hadn't thought of the fact that it might seem "off."  DH and I are kind of goofballs, and the parents we talked to definitely seemed cool, but I don't know that they would necessarily get that we are goofballs.  I personally would find that flipping adorable if DS got a note from another kid (written by the parents of course) but I am a goof so that may be why.  I agree since we opened the door by talking to the parents it probably would not seem weird to address the note to the parents, especially since we know their names now.  I hope it works out and we can make new friends!

Thanks all for the feedback!

Also, don't take it personally if the first set of parents don't respond or aren't interested. I have mommy friends, live in my hometown, and have tons of family around. Our weekends are really busy. I wouldn't be interested in hanging out with someone from preschool. But other parents might. Don't give up the first time.

jtmomma13

lexusolsen said:

Thanks everyone for the perspective on the parent to parent note as opposed to child to child note.  I definitely hadn't thought of the fact that it might seem "off."  DH and I are kind of goofballs, and the parents we talked to definitely seemed cool, but I don't know that they would necessarily get that we are goofballs.  I personally would find that flipping adorable if DS got a note from another kid (written by the parents of course) but I am a goof so that may be why.  I agree since we opened the door by talking to the parents it probably would not seem weird to address the note to the parents, especially since we know their names now.  I hope it works out and we can make new friends!

Thanks all for the feedback!

Also, don't take it personally if the first set of parents don't respond or aren't interested. I have mommy friends, live in my hometown, and have tons of family around. Our weekends are really busy. I wouldn't be interested in hanging out with someone from preschool. But other parents might. Don't give up the first time.

And just to counter what you said- I have a lot of mommy friends with kids the same age as LO  and family in my immediate area but I would try and make a connection with another parent at school because I think it's important to be involved in school and to know the families that LO talks about...it might just take a little while to actually get a plan down! 

edit- this sounds kinda snarky and that wasn't my intention. 

MickeyM04

lexusolsen said:

Thanks everyone for the perspective on the parent to parent note as opposed to child to child note.  I definitely hadn't thought of the fact that it might seem "off."  DH and I are kind of goofballs, and the parents we talked to definitely seemed cool, but I don't know that they would necessarily get that we are goofballs.  I personally would find that flipping adorable if DS got a note from another kid (written by the parents of course) but I am a goof so that may be why.  I agree since we opened the door by talking to the parents it probably would not seem weird to address the note to the parents, especially since we know their names now.  I hope it works out and we can make new friends!

Thanks all for the feedback!

Also, don't take it personally if the first set of parents don't respond or aren't interested. I have mommy friends, live in my hometown, and have tons of family around. Our weekends are really busy. I wouldn't be interested in hanging out with someone from preschool. But other parents might. Don't give up the first time.

Thanks, I will keep that in mind even though I take everything personally so I will probably be bummed anyway LOL 

But it's good to have that perspective for sure.  We just have my parents 20 minutes away and my sister 15 minutes away and no other family or friends close by, but that certainly isn't likely to be the case for everyone.  Although I am hopeful that the parents who took the time to spend a Friday night at a daycare event may have more time than others.  I would definitely be hesitant to contact someone who didn't show up for the event as opposed to someone who did.

Tink112011

This was a timely thread for me to read!  One of DS's best buddies at daycare turns 3 next week, so I'm planning on putting a "Happy Birthday" card in his cubby with some stickers from DS.  Then I'm going to through my business card in with a note to his mom saying that we'd love to arrange a playdate. 

nymom1015

When I had a birthday party for my one year old, i invited the moms that had children with ages close to my daughters, now we have play dates, and chat, it's nice. I'm sure they are looking for the same thing.

MickeyM04

@theresat858, it's the same for us.  We are at a big DC center, and everyone drops off at different times.  There is only one mom in our room that I see at drop-off out of the 16 kids there, and usually at pick-up I don't see anyone from our room. 

AZ123

Also, I would try to make the connection with just the mom and give a specific invite. Such as, I'd love to hang out with you and your LO for a playdate. Are you free next Saturday ? LMK here's my number.

That way, yiou're not sort of waiting around and you know. They may or may not respond initially.