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vicki0827

So my husband of 5 years (together 11) decided he was going to leave me 2 weeks ago. He has a new girlfriend, but swears he's not doing it because of her. He swears he hasn't cheated and looking at phone bills, they were only talking 2 weeks prior to his leaving.  I guess only he and her will really know the truth.  I feel lost, betrayed and disrespected, but I know I can do this without him. 

 I have an appointment to meet with my lawyer this week, and he had his appointment yesterday.  He thinks that it's okay for us to have 50/50 custody with every other week.  I swear it's not going to happen.  I'm fighting for me as custodial with him having visitation.  I need some pointers!

freeatlast2014

Wow I'm sorry to hear this. I was married 5 years as well.
How old are your children? Why do you disagree with 50/50? Not saying you are wrong for feeling that way, but wondering your thoughts behind it.

vicki0827

My kids are 8, 4, and 1yr9m. I don't think that a 50/50 schedule is very stable for the kids. He has his own business and works ridiculous hours, while I work 8-3 everyday. He thinks that it's ok to rely on his family to fill in those gaps of time in which he will not be able to get them early. I also don't believe that 1 entire week without seeing the other parent is not fair to them when that is all they know. I am the primary caregiver, while he comes home to play. With the oldest in 3rd grade, I don't think that this will good especially for her. I just finished breastfeeding the youngest, and she is not used to spending very much time with him because he usually focuses on the other 2. I don't want to keep my kids from their father, but I don't think that his planned schedule will be very good either.

freeatlast2014

I completely agree with your logic. If you are the primary care giver than they should be primarily with you.

Helenahhandbasket

Wow-- so sorry you are dealing with this.

I don't have much advice RE the custody, because we are not quite up to that yet, but there are a bunch of really supportive ladies here that are more well versed than I.

Good luck to you!

20thirteen

Welcome to the board, sorry I can't give you pointers on custody as I did not give my ex that option (we were never married and his name is not on the birth certificate).  I do agree with your logic, and also agree with becwheat.

vicki0827

Thanks ladies! I will definitely keep that in mind Becwheat!

jellybean529

Welcome

I was in a nearly identical situation to yours...it'll be a year next month (wow...I can't believe that.) STBXH and I were married 8 years and together 13. Our daughter is now 6, and he lives in a different state. He was "talking" to another girl and all of a sudden it was over. Joke's on him because they never wound up together...lol.

As far as custody -- I haven't gotten to that point yet -- but it may be different in my situation because my ex lives 900 miles away. But, be prepared for 50/50 like the other girls said. In most cases, the state will push for equal parenting time so that the children can have an opportunity to maintain a strong relationship with each parent. I would push for first right of refusal though, and maybe even see if you can add a clause that prevents the ex from having his lady friend around your kids for a certain amount of time.

20thirteen

jellybean529 said:

 I would push for first right of refusal though, and maybe even see if you can add a clause that prevents the ex from having his lady friend around your kids for a certain amount of time.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

If BD were to fight to have some sort of arrangement (and not just text me a question every couple of months) and was dating somebody, I would definitely have a clause in there regarding a girlfriend.

freeatlast2014

20thirteen said:

jellybean529 said:

 I would push for first right of refusal though, and maybe even see if you can add a clause that prevents the ex from having his lady friend around your kids for a certain amount of time.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

If BD were to fight to have some sort of arrangement (and not just text me a question every couple of months) and was dating somebody, I would definitely have a clause in there regarding a girlfriend.

Problem with this is there is no way to enforce this.

LongIslandMama1114

Sorry I'm a little late but I want to say I'm sorry you're in this situation.

I don't have any advice regarding custody because I'm currently pregnant and won't be doing anything custody/visitation until LO is born. That being said, I refuse 50/50 because he doesn't even ask a thing about this baby.

Good luck to you and welcome!

20thirteen

freeatlast2014 said:

jellybean529 said:

 I would push for first right of refusal though, and maybe even see if you can add a clause that prevents the ex from having his lady friend around your kids for a certain amount of time.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

If BD were to fight to have some sort of arrangement (and not just text me a question every couple of months) and was dating somebody, I would definitely have a clause in there regarding a girlfriend.

Problem with this is there is no way to enforce this.

Well, in my case, I would push supervised visits always.  That would be the only way to enforce.  If you got evidence to prove the girlfriend was around the baby/kids, there would be a reprimand, right?  At least, that's my assumption.