Vent. Or, "Dude, How Can Exes Be Such Rotten Parents?"

CageyMack

I just need to vent this one out.  Sorry.  I promise to use a facebook friend's suggestion to sing "Baby Beluga" later, only you sing "Baby Chewbacca."  This is supposed to make anyone's bad day better.

Here's my list of vexations:

1. First, do not text me at 3:30 in the morning and expect good things to happen.  It won't.  I'm a light sleeper and I get fired up at that hour.

2. If you are my eldest child's dad, and I text you to let you know how much her glasses were, at least respond.

3. If you don't respond, don't be surprised when I text you again a week later.  

4. If the second text bothers you in some way, respond then.  Don't send your current wife in to respond.

5. If your child support has not gone up in 11 years, pay for stuff when asked.  Like, medical stuff.  Like you are supposed to.

6. Call your kid.  Like, often.  If I was away from my kid, I would call every week, or at least a few times a month.

7. Don't use the excuse, "It makes me sad to call her."  You are a grown man.  As Betty White says, grow a vagina.

8. Realize that the amount you pay for child support is so small that all my friends who know how much it is (a very small number, because I"m not a jerk and spreading around things like this) are shocked.  

9. When you do call your kid, ask her about things.  I'll write you a list.  Try: How are you?  How is school?  What are you up to today?  Was your breakfast good?  Did the dogs eat your precious, tiny, toys? Did you change your sheets?  Or, go for big ones like: Tell me about your best day this week . . . Or, if you could be anything in the world when you grow up, what would you be and why, besides awesome?

10. Get dental and eye insurance.  Because you are a grown man.  And have 2 biological children and 2 step-kids and a wife.  

11. Don't text me at 3:30 in the morning and expect a good outcome.  Yeah.  Again.

Okay, thanks.  I feel a little better.  I recognize that I should be more self-reliant about my kid's insurance, but it is just ridiculous that he is supposed to have those things and doesn't.  Now that we have 2+ kids, it will "cost the same" to have a family plan no matter how many kids we put in the policy. I just wish that instead of waiting for open enrollment I could use "the non-custodial parent is a goon" as a change-of-life event.  

Have a good one!

"Baby Chewbacca in the deep blue see, 

Swim so wild and you swim so free.

Heaven above and the sea below, 

Just a little blue Chewbacca on the go . . . "

redrockmama

Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It was so hard to watch my niece's dad be an asshat. He's finally got it together, but it took forever and an awesome wife. I've jokingly told J we can't ever get divorced because I couldn't deal with sharing our kids and the drama that comes with it.

JGY

CageyMack said:

I just need to vent this one out.  Sorry.  I promise to use a facebook friend's suggestion to sing "Baby Beluga" later, only you sing "Baby Chewbacca."  This is supposed to make anyone's bad day better.

Here's my list of vexations:

1. First, do not text me at 3:30 in the morning and expect good things to happen.  It won't.  I'm a light sleeper and I get fired up at that hour.

2. If you are my eldest child's dad, and I text you to let you know how much her glasses were, at least respond.

3. If you don't respond, don't be surprised when I text you again a week later.  

4. If the second text bothers you in some way, respond then.  Don't send your current wife in to respond.

5. If your child support has not gone up in 11 years, pay for stuff when asked.  Like, medical stuff.  Like you are supposed to.

6. Call your kid.  Like, often.  If I was away from my kid, I would call every week, or at least a few times a month.

7. Don't use the excuse, "It makes me sad to call her."  You are a grown man.  As Betty White says, grow a vagina.

8. Realize that the amount you pay for child support is so small that all my friends who know how much it is (a very small number, because I"m not a jerk and spreading around things like this) are shocked.  

9. When you do call your kid, ask her about things.  I'll write you a list.  Try: How are you?  How is school?  What are you up to today?  Was your breakfast good?  Did the dogs eat your precious, tiny, toys? Did you change your sheets?  Or, go for big ones like: Tell me about your best day this week . . . Or, if you could be anything in the world when you grow up, what would you be and why, besides awesome?

10. Get dental and eye insurance.  Because you are a grown man.  And have 2 biological children and 2 step-kids and a wife.  

11. Don't text me at 3:30 in the morning and expect a good outcome.  Yeah.  Again.

Okay, thanks.  I feel a little better.  I recognize that I should be more self-reliant about my kid's insurance, but it is just ridiculous that he is supposed to have those things and doesn't.  Now that we have 2+ kids, it will "cost the same" to have a family plan no matter how many kids we put in the policy. I just wish that instead of waiting for open enrollment I could use "the non-custodial parent is a goon" as a change-of-life event.  

Have a good one!

"Baby Chewbacca in the deep blue see, 

Swim so wild and you swim so free.

Heaven above and the sea below, 

Just a little blue Chewbacca on the go . . . "

:-O :-O  (see bolded above) Seriously?  Is it THAT hard?

Wow, it really sounds like this is less about being a better parent and more about being an (a better) adult. 

I know I'm pretty cool, and I've been with some real losers in the past.  But it always shocks me when I see other people that I know are cool, hooked up with someone that can't get their shit together.  I guess we've got something else in common, @cageymack!

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.

And yeah ... 3am texts are never cool.  I don't care who you are or what your reasoning is.  Unless someone has died, put your texting thumbs away until (at least) 7am.

 ETA - I suck at Emojis

CageyMack

@JGY -- I know what you mean!  I see rad people with not-rad people and I can't believe it.  Sometimes I find the not-rad people are shy or have an "inner self" that makes them rad, but I hear you.  I like to remind myself that I had the wits to move on!  

I try really hard to be super supportive to my DD and I never say unkind things about her dad.  Instead, I try to talk to her about how he does love her, but doesn't show it well.  I also empathize that it can be hard when the people we love aren't always good at showing it.   He did call when we had the hurricane scare, so that got him a star-sticker in my book.  But it was truly surprising to me; he just never calls.  

Well, we do what we can for our children.  The world is a rough place, but it is good too.  Today is our Statehood day, so DD has the day off.  I think we will make it AWESOME.

Jazibel

UGH - should we go fork his lawn?  That's what we did to jerks when we were teens.  Toilet paper and plastic forks stuck into the ground.  Sounds to be about the level of maturity he's exhibiting - thought we could repay it in kind. ;-)

Sorry you're going through this.  

KH826

Oh man - this dude needs to get his act together! I am so sorry!

I can sort of relate - from a different perspective though... this sounds very, very, very much like my own father. Unfortunately (for him), he never got it right, and now we don't have a relationship. I will NEVER understand how some parents can be so selfish as to repeatedly not put their children first for seemingly no good reason. Is it laziness? Is it some kind of innate inability to be a responsible, compassionate, thoughtful adult? Who knows!

Anyway, I am really sorry. Your awesome kiddo deserves better, and you don't deserve to put up with all this crap!

I like @jazibel's idea - let's fork his lawn!