Allowing the DH to take baby over night in earliest weeks :(

MoonflowerBell

My DH and I don't live together and aren't planning to move back in together for sometime. We were talking last night and he wants me to allow him to take the baby over night to his mothers house right away. I feel totally uncomfortable with this. I trust him and his family and know they wouldn't do anything wrong or harmful to the baby. I just cannot imagine a baby that's a week or two old being separated from it's mother so early. He thinks I'm being selfish and don't want to share our child. I explained the issues of breastfeeding and bonding but he says we can switch to bottle feeding during these times and that he needs to bond with the baby too. I have no issue with him taking the baby with him as much as he likes during the day just not over night. I can foresee this as a big problem for the future. Please HELP!!!!

flcl

Hmm, that is tough.  And your answers to the above questions may (or may not) change how you want to approach this situation.  If you are BF and trying to do so exclusively, many people (doctors and LCs) would recommend that you wait to introduce the bottle until LO is at least 3 weeks old to avoid any nipple confusion.  You being the one to feed LO during the nighttime feedings will also help you build/establish your milk supply.  Maybe if you let DH know that, he will be a bit more understanding and willing to wait until LO is a little older and you two have BF a bit more established.  If your answers to MrsMuq's questions are yes though, these reasons may not matter to DH.  

ashiscute

I think YH is right that he deserves to have the baby at night as well as during the day.  However, as far as BF goes I think this could be very difficult.  The first couple weeks a baby is eating every 2 or 3 hours.  There is no guarantee the baby will take a bottle.  Are you planning to pump for the bottle or supplement with formula?  Not nursing or pumping a whole night will be bad for your supply.  

Do you have an extra room at your house where YH could watch the baby but bring her to you for feedings?  This is really a tough spot for you and your going to have to sit down and discuss this together.  But logistically the bottle thing might not work and YH needs to understand that.  Good luck.  

baloneydisc

I believe if you were divorced YH would not get overnight visits until closer to a year due to breast feeding (at least that's what a friend of mine was told when she was considering separation/divorce).

honeybee434

baloneydisc said:

I believe if you were divorced YH would not get overnight visits until closer to a year due to breast feeding (at least that's what a friend of mine was told when she was considering separation/divorce).

I've known a few people who were divorced when their children were born and their exes didn't get overnight visits for quite awhile after the baby was born. I don't remember their specific timelines, but it was put off due to her breastfeeding and a part of the state custody guidelines.

soylatte

Kimbus22 said:

baloneydisc said:

I believe if you were divorced YH would not get overnight visits until closer to a year due to breast feeding (at least that's what a friend of mine was told when she was considering separation/divorce).

This. I would talk to a lawyer, a lactation consultant and a pediatrician.

This. Or I'd be going with. Let everyone bond but be there to feed your baby. You have to establish your milk, feeding, etc. This time is crucial for baby and as others have stated, no guarantee LO will take a bottle.

PrimRoseMama

Nope. Team you.

If Breastfeeding is how you choose to go those first weeks are crucial to establish supply. Have him stay the night to tend to baby at your house if he wants time with her. You should not be wandering all over outside the comfort of your own house to accommodate him. He should come to you.

It's not about what you or he wants. It's about what's best for the child. If mama chooses to breast feed & wants to EBF then that is her right.

Get the pedi, a lactation consultant & lawyer to vouche for this.

Rosebean

Would it be out of the question if you went to your MILs for that over night sleepover? It may be awkward, but it shows you are willing to have the baby go to his family and be with them while you continue establishing your supply. Plus, if baby is only 2 weeks old, that's typically the first growth spurt time. It would concern me to have my NB gone when it's exceptionally vital to go through that growth spurt time together.

jenniferurs

Rosebean said:

Would it be out of the question if you went to your MILs for that over night sleepover? It may be awkward, but it shows you are willing to have the baby go to his family and be with them while you continue establishing your supply. Plus, if baby is only 2 weeks old, that's typically the first growth spurt time. It would concern me to have my NB gone when it's exceptionally vital to go through that growth spurt time together.

This. I would take one for the team and go with your husband to his family's.