How can I help?

Josiecat

Hi everyone- My very dear friend is getting wheeled in to have a c-section as we speak. She is somewhere between 29~31 weeks pregnant (she and her husband are not quite positive and keeping track if dates is not her strong suit). Early this morning she was woken up by back pain - she timed the intensity and found it was coming every 3 minutes. By the time she got to the hospital, she was 4cm dilated, and despite all efforts to stop her labor, she quickly progressed to 6cm. I wish I was there holding her hand, but I got the next best assignment - staying at home with their 2.5 year old. I know that this is going to be a very trying time, and I want to be the best support possible. I have a few questions... - I know that these babies are going to be in the NICU. What kinds of questions/statements should I avoid? What should I say? - How can I help her around the house as she recovers from her section? - what are some if the things that your friends/family did that really helped and made you feel supported? What are some of the things they did that really ticked you off? Thank-you to everyone in advance, and I hope everyone here has a positive outcome to their journey PS - not sure if an intro is appropriate in this case, but just to be on the safe side....I used to be an active member on third-party reproduction until I just needed to take a break from the bump. My husband and I are currently pursuing gestational surrogacy. While I do not understand what it is like to give birth to a child, I do understand the anger and disappointment in one's body, justified or not.

Josiecat

Soooo in my haste and blurry eyes I failed to do the one thing I have always done on the Bump...read the sticky. I went through the "how to help a friend" portion of the blog and it gave me ALOT of good advice. My apologies for asking repeat questions, though I will say that if anyone has anything to add, I'd love to hear. ~~edited for spelling because I'm not paying attention

lookame3639

I would just make sure she knows you'd like to help but don't be pushy about it. Sometimes it's just nice to hear there's someone there to support you but not everyone feels comfortable allowing the help and/or sometimes there can be so many people offering to help that it can be very overwhelming.

Josiecat

Thank-you all so much for the helpful advice!!

KTZ17

I agree that meals are a big help, especially since she has an older child. Her husband is probably going to be super busy going back and forth to the hospital and most likely caring for the older child at night, so he will appreciate some home cooked meals as well. Once I was home, I always appreciated when my mom or sister were over because they didn't wait for me to ask them to do something, they would just go ahead and wash pump parts that were in the sink or take a basket of laundry down to wash. My mom also went with my husband to Buy Buy Baby to order the crib and get some other stuff we needed because it was too hard for me to go see the happy pregnant women doing their registries. So you could ask her if there's anything they haven't gotten for the babies yet (you said babies, did she have twins?). My sister made a small quilt to go over DD's incubator. Personal stuff like that is also great. You are a terrific friend for helping out! I hope you have success starting your family soon. My sister is struggling with that as well and I know it can be hard when friends and family welcome new babies.

Josiecat

Thank-you again, all of you. I have since heard from her husband, both boys are doing well. I got to see a photo of one of them...absolutely beautiful. They offered me a visit tomorrow, and so we will play it by ear. If she's not ready for a visitor yet, I certainly won't take it personally. I think I'll have big brother help me make a "welcome home" sign for her front door. And I love the idea of "just doing" things without being asked. I can certainly prepare dinners and take care of her husband. My mom also happens to crochet hats for NICU babies to wear once they get sent home, so I'll have some prepared @KTZ17‌ thanks for the suggestion on personal items. And thank-you for the well wishes on my own journey. One thing I have learned over the years...the path to motherhood isn't always a straight one. That, and women are freakin' strong.

flerlgirl

You got good advice - just wanted to wish your friend luck! And good luck to you as well! Come visit us any time