Trying not to feel guilty

rexgirl06

Just a mild vent. 

LO was introduced to formula in the hospital because he wouldn't eat. (Turns out he heated being naked so having him naked while feeding was a bad idea). Anyways, after a battle with milk supply and exhaustion from supplementing, we went to formula all the way at about 3 months.

Now 3 months later, we are moving and I found a package of milk bags I never used. Offered them to a friend and she said "no thanks I'm going to exclusively nurse". I'm happy she wants to make that decision, but at the same time I felt a little shunned. Like this is one way we won't really be able to connect as moms--even though I nursed the best I could for 3 months. 

Along with that, I just defrosted the last bag of milk I had froze from when I was pumping and we stopped cold turkey. (At the time I just couldn't bring myself to throw out milk I worked so hard for). I'm grateful I've been able to give him a little bit of breast milk with his oatmeal, and that I was able to somewhat feed for 2 1/2 months. But these bags just bring up guilt I don't know why. I honestly hated breastfeeding. It was exhausting and all it did was let me realize how much weight I had put on (50 lbs by the end). Plus the frustration of not being able to give my son enough. I honestly love the freedom of formula, and we've been able to help my son's spit up issues as well with specialty formula. I try to not let myself get this way, but sometimes, the guilt and negative comments creep in and I'm left to battle myself. Arg. My son is healthy, chunky and FINALLY happy. I really wish these stupid milk bags didn't have such a power over my mentality!

JenW1029

Exactly this! If someone is able to EBF good for them, but they shouldn't pass judgment on EFF. LOVE YOUR POST @2013mommy‌

2013mommy said:

I know exactly how you feel. I bawled in the aisle of Target the first time I bought formula (at 2 weeks post partum) because the packing all said "Breast is best" and I felt like I was doing something horrible. For a long time I gave excuses - bad latch, didn't respond to the pump - when people asked if we were BF. And those things were true. We had a horrible time and moved to formula exclusively at 3 weeks old. But another thing that is true is that I HATED to BF and I always felt guilty thinking that and never said it out loud. Now I am honest about it. It was a really unpleasant experience, it triggered a lot of depression and anxiety for me, and hearing "Oh it really sucks the first few weeks but then gets better" was zero percent helpful. After making the switch we were sooo much happier. I wasn't depressed, DS wasn't screaming at every feeding, and now I have a happy healthy 18 month old who isn't any different from his peers who were EBF. If we ever have another I fully intend to EFF from the very start and I do not feel guilty about it anymore!

I get that all things breastfeeding related can trigger feelings but try not to let it make you feel guilty. And ignore anyone who acts snobby about EBF. It isn't any of their concern! You made the right choice for you and your LO and everyone is happy and healthy. 

Rachael2541

Someone in my husbands family said I was selfish for not EFB. I do not feel selfish at all. I get up every few hours to feed and care for my LO just like everyone else! He is my world, which way we decide to or in some cases have to feed our LOs in no way dictates how much we love them... The only thing that is important is that baby is happy and healthy! 

JustGoWithIt

While I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone, I was so glad to see your post today. Thank you so much for posting your honest thoughts. I really needed to know I'm not alone.

W/DS#1 I had to FF from the hospital because despite my BF efforts, he was down 10% of his weight before we left the hospital. When I found out I was prego again I immediately started researching nonstop. I was determined to BF this time.

Here we are. DS #2 is 5 weeks old. I EBF for 4 weeks but he consistently lost weight. Supposedly my supply was ok & latch ok (although using a shield), but even after my nipples healed I was still in horrible pain. Shooting/burning pain in my right breast even when not nursing. I had to supplement due to the weight loss, and it had to be formula because I simply could not get any milk out with the pump. I realize it doesn't have to be all or nothing, but the pain got the best of me & we basically went completely to formula over the last week. It was hard for me to give up something I had wanted so bad, but we were all much happier once we made the move.

Unfortunately now LO seems to be in a lot of pain from constipation & I'm feeling the guilt big time. Like it's my fault he's in so much pain right now. If I would have just kept up the nursing until I went back to work maybe he wouldn't be so miserable, etc. I spent most of yesterday crying over all of this as he kicked in pain.

I think PP gave good advice & I'm going to keep coming back to read those comments as often as needed. I hope you do too & I hope you can find peace with everything. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. *hugs*

Rachael2541

Lol I meant for not EBF*

JustGoWithIt

Thanks ladies for the suggestions. Wasn't trying to hijack her post! I wrote it after a long day/night of beating myself up over this. Ped recommended a probiotic drop which actually already seems to be helping after just two days! Hoping tomorrow is another good day and we can turn the corner and not look back!

@rexgirl06 : I think there will always be people who judge our decisions as parents (not just related to feeding). We can let them bring us down, or choose to not give them the time of day. I strongly believe in the latter. For me the internal guilt is harder to overcome for some reason. I believe every momma does what is best for her & her ducklings & we should spend more time supporting each other rather than building walls by judging. Our babies are happy & healthy & that is most important!

rexgirl06

Thanks ladies! Normally, I'm good and thankfully have never truly felt judged. I just make it up in my mind what people must think the first time they see me with formula. We have a hard time thinking of ever having a #2 but I haven't told DH that with #2 may come another formula baby....I just did not enjoy nursing last time. My hat is off to any mom who nurses, it just wasn't something I was able to handle..or keep up with my big appetite baby!

MommyAtty

rexgirl06 said:

Thanks ladies! Normally, I'm good and thankfully have never truly felt judged. I just make it up in my mind what people must think the first time they see me with formula. We have a hard time thinking of ever having a #2 but I haven't told DH that with #2 may come another formula baby....I just did not enjoy nursing last time. My hat is off to any mom who nurses, it just wasn't something I was able to handle..or keep up with my big appetite baby!

You may be surprised about your hubby. I finally was at peace with all of this when, halfway thru pregnancy #2, DH just came out with, "I really hope you don't want to try breastfeeding this time. It was so hard to watch you suffer and I was worried about the baby getting enough food." I had always assumed he thought I had failed bc I felt like I had failed.

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aashley5

I know exactly how you feel and I've been looking for support too.  It feels good to read all the comments here and finally feel like I'm not a bad mom for switching to formula. 

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Danicali

I hear ya in the guilt. The day we decided to do formula during the day I bawled. I felt like a failure (and I did it for almost 8 months!). The best is breast campaign is good if your breastfeeding, but it's guilt ridden if you aren't. I'm still pumping in the evening and BF through the night because I'm having a hard time quitting completely. It's not an easy thing, and there is a lot of pressure to BF. I even found it was hard telling some of my hardcore BF friends I was using formula. Stupid right?

Now throw those milk bags out! You are doing what's best for you and your baby!

Danicali

And for those of you saying you felt your husbands would be disappointed I hear ya! I felt this way!! I actually had to sit down with my husband and ask him if he was disappointed in me. He said that we have to do whatever is going to work. And that he wasn't disappointed. I do know he doesn't like the increased cost, but who does!! Lol

aehl14

Sorry ladies I didn't have time to read every post but I saw some that said their baby was constipated on formula. My daughters pedi is old school and suggested 1/8tsp of brown sugar in her bottle. It works really well! Less than an hr later she was able to go normally. I wouldn't do it every feeding, twice in 3 days was all she needed to regulate herself.

Hope this helps!