Jump start on terrible twos?

alexish07

DS just started throwing some pretty major tantrums within the last week. I'm just wondering how other moms handle this. He'll scream and kick his legs, swing his arms and throw himself on the floor. I've been doing my best to ignore it because I don't want him to think he'll get attention for that kind of behavior. I step in if I think he may hurt himself - like hitting his head or something. When he calms down I approach him and talk to him and try to start over. This is happening when I'm trying to sit him in his high chair, which never happened before, or if he wants me to do something that I can't do at that very moment. He's also been throwing tantrums when I try to strap him in to his car seat, which also didn't used to be a problem. Once he's in, he's fine, but getting him in is the challenge. Just wondering if I can respond to this in a more effective way and how long it takes for this to pass.

alexish07

Lol! Thank you @harti09‌ ! I feel so much better knowing this isn't just my kid. I keep telling myself it will pass but this is our first baby, so I have no idea how soon relief will come. It has thrown me off because it came out of nowhere and it's really frustrating to see. I know consistency is key, I just wanted some reassurance that I'm consistently doing the right thing, not something that will make no difference at all.

Holly_1007

Sounds pretty normal. Colby wants to do everything that his big brother does. I pick my battles. Sometimes he tantrums on the floor for 20 mins while I go about my business. Sometimes I'm able to help him do things like his brother. Good luck!

AKB090609

DD does it as well, when she starts throwing things I move her to her bedroom and tell her "You can join the family when you are ready to use your words" other than that I just try to minimize them by giving her warnings about when/what we will be doing (we have issues with transitions) and ignoring behaviors and tantrums when I can.

alexish07

Thanks, ladies! Hopefully it's a short phase and not a long term one

Flamingemu

Have you tried switching things up? L would go in to full blown melt down mode if I tried to put her in her high chair so we moved her to a booster. 3 months later, more melt downs, so now she is in a tall table chair from Ikea with no straps. It just wasn't worth the meltdowns to keep her strapped in.

When she starts to melt down, I let her. If I can catch her pre-meltdown, we divert her attention.

L is actually really good at reasoning. I can give her 2 options (even if they are things she doesn't want to do) and she is happier. She wants to be involved. The words, can you help mommy, go a far way in our house. 

hmp1

I can attribute most meltdowns to 1. wanting to do it himself or 2. I can't understand him or get what he is asking for. If it is 1, I let him try. He now climbs into his car seat all by himself every time. If it is something he can't actually do, he will give up and ask for help. It just takes extra time so I try to make sure I have some extra time in our morning/evening routine to allow for "I do it" time.

Car seat buckling melt downs was also the first time I broke my "I will never bribe my kid with food" rule. When DS1 was this age, car seat buckling became a nightmare and I found giving him a couple pretzels or raisins would calm him down enough for me to get him buckled and on our way.

CdnFarmGirl08

I try to talk to him and give him options but have found that options don't work yet with him. I can't reason with him. (If you stop, you can do this...) So if talking doesn't help, I just let him melt down and then eventually go to him and ask him to stop crying so we can talk. He can usually pull himself together to stop crying.

It's hard. He's been doing this for 3 months already.

He is also one who does something he knows he isn't allowed to do just to get a reaction (play with the TV, hit the dog, etc). He is a button pusher that's for sure!

MomtobeNJ

Ditto what everyone else said, basically. I know she is testing limits. I try to remain as calm as I can and ignore the outbursts, as long as she's safe. I want to give her a chance to get the frustration out of her system, and then I redirect. 

I feel like this is a critical time for me to really enforce rules and limits. I don't want to go crazy and be a tyrant, but I want to set the tone for good behavior. If she needs to have a meltdown because she can't color on our mortgage statement instead of the 2 coloring books and notepad she has in front of her, well so be it. Sometimes the answer is no.

L8kissie

I'll add chocolate to the coping mechanisms. I also keep a list of the terrific reasons they are throwing tantrums. I wish I could tell you it would suddenly stop, but the truth is that they will continue to have meltdowns. Preventing them when possible (warning about transitions, set routine, allowing "I do it!" time to be built into your schedule, choices between two things you can live with, and redirection) can go a long way towards helping your sanity. Chocolate and wine if you like either can help too. And like Mom2bnj said, sometimes the answer is no and screaming doesn't change it. There are most certainly times I wish it did because I would so try it. Honesttoddler.com has some cute articles about this too.