half siblings

septmom11

how do you deal with half siblings ( if any).  BD has 2 other children with 2 other mothers.  my DD has never met them. I feel like the older she gets the harder it is going to be on her when she finally does meet them.  She is almost 3 years old.

also I am open to the kids meeting but everyone else involved is not so far

Helenahhandbasket

I haven't had to deal with this myself yet, so my advice is all sort of outside looking in.

I am assuming from your post that your Ex does not live with either of these women?  Do you happen to know if he is involved in his other children's lives?  Does he get visitation with them?  If yes, can you arrange to have your LO visit on the same day?

Are you, by any chance on good/ civil/ friendly terms with the other moms?  If yes, there's nothing preventing you from maybe having a play date at a park or beach.  If not, is friendship/ civility with these women a possibility?

I think it's great that you want your LO to have a relationship with the step-siblings-- I think I would want the same.  It makes things tough though when eveyone is sort of living in different places.  Good luck-- I hope maybe somone else that has BTDT has some sage advice for you!

septmom11

I have sole custody of my LO and ex is not involved in her life at all ( met like 3 times)  I have reached out to both women previously and didn't get a definate yes or no answer so I just left my phone number and said call when your ready.

ex was living with one of the other moms but they just recently split and she threw him out.  she has started messaging me on FB saying she wants the girls to know eachother now.  im just confused on her motive and why now since they JUST broke up.  the other mom and ex had there son at a younger age and didn't stay together long after, her and her son live with her family and I think he visits randomly as he pleases.

I know this sounds like a complete messy drama situation which is why I have stayed away from everyone involved but these kids are still my DDs siblings. arghhh im very conflicted about the whole thing!!!

Helenahhandbasket

OP-- I think it's great that the women are not completely turned off to the idea. 

I would take the mom of the young girl's motives at face value.  What could she gain from seeing you and your LO?  It's not like you are with your BD-- so she can't pump you for information.  If BD isn't involved in your LO's life, it's not like you meeting up with this woman is going to hurt or affect your BD negatively (so it doesn't seem like this could be "revenge")

Sounds like she's a like minded lady.  Take her up on the offer.  Who knows-- she may become a friend or ally- who can't use more of those in their life?

acbarbour

Popping in from Blended Families

My DS is 9 and has seen his sister maybe twice when BF had them during his visitation.  BF is pretty uninvolved in DS life and the mother of my DS's sister is not interested in communicating with me at all so I am not anticipating any more visits with her.  If it happens great if not then I know that I tried. 

I would advise that you wait until her motives are clear if you are worried but I would take her up on the offer.  I would meet her in a public place, not exchange phone numbers or addresses just to protect yourself, and make it an activity where the kids can play together or make something that your DD can keep.  Like a picture together at chuck-e-cheese or arts and crafts project.  this will keep you from having to talk to the other mother a lot and give you something to keep and remind your DD of the day with her sister. 

tig594

My DD is 16 months and has a 19 year old half brother who just had his own son.  I think, in my situation, it's a little easier to communicate with her brother.  I have told him quite a few times how important it is to me and later probably DD that he be in her life.  He is her only half sibling while he has 3-4 other half-sisters.  I also made it clear to him that it doesn't matter to me what the status of my relationship is with his and DD's dad. They've seen each other several times.  She's at an age where she's clingy to me when strangers are around but it doesn't always last very long.  Once she gets over that and starts remembering him a little better between when they see each other I think she'll adore him.  I think it is very important she develop a relationship with her brother.  Family is big to me and I hope it will be to her, too. 

As far as him mom goes, we've talked extensively about a lot of things regarding DD, her brother and their dad.  She's alright and is also very supportive of them having a relationship.  

MinnesotaMomma91

Im civil with the mother of my ds half siblings. We live across the country from each other so they havent met but the doors open

septmom11

thanks everyone