When have you been judged? (stolen from May '13)

BC&LM

I saw this on the May board and thought it was a pretty interesting discussion topic.

When have you been judged (in the real world) for a choice you made as a parent?

BC&LM

This one's not too recent, but people always used to judge me if I didn't have LO super bundled up in 50 degree weather. It drove me nuts because my son runs warm, and if I had him in hat, mittens, and a winter coat at that temperature, he would be covered in sweat. A hoodie was usually warm enough for him at that temperature.

I am pretty sure people have judged me before because my son goes to a daycare center. I don't remember the specific comments, but they were something that implied that I should have tried to have a grandparent or family friend watch him.

BC&LM

Pitchslap said:

Do you mean by normal people or my ILs? Vastly different answers.

Either/or! I expect a lot might be in-laws ;-)

BC&LM

Speaking of in-laws, my SIL judged me because LO was still using a pacifier when he was cranky around 7-8 months. My FIL did too, calling it his mute button or something snarky like that. (He still uses one for bedtime, but they don't know that.)

I am pretty sure my SIL also judged me for not putting LO in shoes before he learned how to walk. (Of course I kind of judged her for telling me that I must buy hard-soled shoes so that he could walk well. ;-) )

BC&LM

Oh I have yet another. Been judged by many people because we are taking LO to Disney at 1.5 years.

WasNotWas

Oy, my neighbor is super passive aggressive in her judgments, saying things like "O I don't really do research, I just go with my instinct" when she asks me why I still rear face the car seat...

I'm only going to choose the most recent one from MIL...Tyler pooped, I didn't immediately change his diaper because he was having tons of fun playing, she made a huge fuss about "O I will do it, I will change his poopie diaper so he doesn't get a rash" ...uh lady, he isn't a newborn, he's FINE!

At daycare, just yesterday, Ty got bit and my response was "he probably deserved it" I was joking, but the look on the director's face was sheer terror

BC&LM

HellesBelles13 said:

I had a friend that judged her being in a center instead of an in-home. I mean, how could I leave her at a place with over 100 kids? :-@

I never understood this one, especially with infants, because the staff to baby ratio at my center is much better than many in-homes.

momofcatan

I think BIL (has no kids) was judging hard last week when we were out for dinner. DD was being extremely picky while she was sick and when we were out refused to eat anything except french fries. She started crying anytime I tried to get her to eat anything else. BIL kept saying "DD you can have more french fries after you eat some chicken" as I just handed her more fries. It was very hard not to punch him.

bel194

Once when I was picking up K from daycare another mom made a comment about her snow suit thing not being car seat safe (I asked csftl and they said it was). Ironically, she had her 1 year old forward facing so I secretly judged her back.

BunnyLove416

A guy I work with had a baby a couple of weeks after L was born, my first week back to work he asked me what we were doing with the baby and I said he was in daycare (he was 8 weeks old) he got the most horrified look on his face and said 'oh, he seems so little to do that...' I could have sucker punched him. Now I brush that shit right off but my very first week back to work not so much. 

My Mom also makes fun of pretty much everything I do with this kid, she thinks I'm too uptight in general so she just assumes all my choices for him (signing, breastfeeding, RFing, not giving him a ton of sweets, trying to limit the pacifier etc.)  are coming from an uptight place. I feel a large sense of victory every time one of those things works, like when he signs at her. HA.

needanustart

Probably by everyone watching when I took this picture. Disclaimer: plastic wine glass filled with water.

peachnectarine

Many months ago, my MIL asked when we were going to give him rice cereal. We said we weren't going to and we were going to give him oatmeal instead because it was healthier. She couldn't believe us and kept asking when we were going to give him rice cereal everytime she saw us. She even bought us rice cereal and gave it to us. She told DH to "stop trying to reinvent the wheel" and kept telling everyone (while we were standing there) that we refused to give him rice cereal and rolling her eyes. I felt judged for being healthier!

numbersgirl08

MH and I went on a vacation for my 30th bday when N was about 8 months old.  Hubby's aunt made a comment to his cousin (whom we see on a regular basis) that she "couldn't believe I would be willing to leave N" and she "had no idea how I could possibly stand to be away for 5 days" and "there was no way she would have ever left her babies" and other comments insinuating I was a bad mom to be leaving her.  I let that get to me for a little while, thinking everyone was like "she's a terrible mom" but not saying anything.

We mentioned to MIL on facetime awhile back that N might go to daycare this year instead of having a nanny and she got this truly aghast look on her face and said something like "My baby can't go to DAYCARE!"  I'm not sure what she thinks they do at daycare, but apparently it's something akin to beating babies.

numbersgirl08

I do wonder though, how often we think we are being judged but aren't.  I'm sure sometimes it really does happen, but I have a feeling a lot of the times we are kind of on alert about certain topics and are more sensitive, and then blow up other people's comments in our head or assume their looks mean something they don't.

numbersgirl08

subliminalrabbit said:

^^^Totally fair.

And I definitely do it too.  I think it's just natural human tendency.

momofcatan

@Bleachy14 Cream cheese sandwich for lunch every.single.day (with a side of veggies). I honestly can't think of anything else to send that I wouldn't need to worry about her refusing it and starving.

DaisyDuck40

A girl judged me because I didn't breastfeed Joseph.

ColieAnn31

I'm judged all the time by my family because we cosleep. He refused to sleep in his crib and cosleeping was the only way any of us would get any sleep. Both of our families are very firm on their beliefs of CIO. The night Grayson was born A's dad told us that it's ok if we let him cry for a little bit before picking him up :-O he was only 2 hours old!!!

I'm sure I got judged last night. We went out to dinner and Grayson would only eat strawberries so that's what he had for dinner.

LaBellaVida

I'm sure I'm judged allot. I don't GAF though. I do my best.

WasNotWas

trutru127 said:

I got judged by my crazy SIL for not wanting him to have McDonald's. He'll eat healthy so why would I want to give him junk and risk him only wanting French fries like my niece.

I think an occasional McDonald's won't turn a kid into the Hamburgler...I understand encouraging a kid to eat healthy but do it for the sake of being healthy not with the fear that you suddenly won't be able to determine what is served in your house...

ilovemarfa

I know I've been judged for things but I really don't care. Ds1 is 3 and still sleeps in his crib. We tried putting him in a twin bed when he turned 2, right before ds2 was born, and it was a nightmare. He wouldn't stay in the bed and my sleep at the time was more important that him sleeping in a twin bed. Our pediatrician said as long as he's not jumping out and fits in it, he's fine. My parents always make comments about it as have my friends. I just smile and shake my head. He's still content in there and we have his big boy bed set up in the room so when he's ready he can sleep in it.

WasNotWas

@trutru127 I have zero issue with the judgment of your SIL (I have a soon-to-be SIL that I'm saving up for, she's going to be a mess), it's the jump to the "all they eat is fries" conclusion that I wanted to clear up

WasNotWas

@trutru127 not making fun of you, just thought this was funny and apropos

 

WasNotWas

@sympkin seriously?! her name? It's beautiful. My sister's name is Emilyn so when I saw hers I told her and she said that she might steal it if she ever has a girl because it's like hers but different.

Monkeybutt80

@sympkin it's a beautiful name! when I first learned what your lo's name was I even told my husband about it because I liked it so much. 

kelseypie

I have a good friend who passively judges me for bed sharing. She's sent me articles about the dangers of bed sharing like, "what do you think about this?"

I've been judged for babywearing. "Poor baby!" "Can it breathe!?!"

I often feel judged by moms I come into contact with at work FOR vaxxing, if it's a topic that comes up. Fucking nit wits.

WasNotWas

@kelseypie I remember you bringing that up when you first started working there. I work with like a hardcore republican that I can't piss off so I just smile and nod when they (not giving away if girl or boy) start rambling on...but I do speak up if they get out of line or just piss me off

WasNotWas

@sympkin you should tell your aunt

momofcatan

@sympkin I told DH E's name and he LOVES it (he is into everything fantasy/sci fi, so I thought he would).

GalLaura

-Judged for breast feeding still by family and friends at home. One friend said "will you be that mom whose kid asks for it."

- judged because he still sleeps in our room in his own cot. Our place isn't that large and there isn't internal heat. So I like him near me until the spring. Why do I need to explain this to family who have never even seen my home?

-judged by family for the cereal vs. oatmeal too!

-judged because I didn't come back to the USA to have the baby even though I had no insurance. This was by my aunt who is a labor nurse. She said it takes a village to raise a baby. I said even if I lived in the USA i would be doing it on my own!

KittenGator

This isn't so much for my parenting choices as it is for me being a parent at all.

I had DD when I was 25. I tend to look very young for my age and would get dirty looks from people when I was out, as they assumed I was a teen mom. 

One day my friend, DD and I were out for dinner and this woman said to me, almost accusingly, "cute baby." I was put off by her tone and demeanor so I said cheerfully "thanks, I like her." She scowled at me and said "I sure hope so. How old are you, anyway?" I told her I was 25. "Really?!" she said, clearly thinking I was lying to her "because you look 16." 

I decided to force her to give me a compliment so I held up my wedding ring and said "aw- well thank you for saying that! But nope- definitely 25, married, and with a Bachelors Degree and all…" She gave me a LOOK and walked off. Like any of that was her business to begin with. It made me feel sad for actual teen moms- I can't imagine what they face.

KittenGator

@honeyb1993

I'm glad to hear that you've never had rude comments directed at you before, especially given the amount of dirty looks I received. A few of my closest friends were teen moms and they were/are fabulous. It's unfair to assume that just because of someone's age or how old they look they are destined to be a crummy parent. When I see a mom your age I always think "good for her- I wish I met my husband and had my ish together at that age enough to have children." 

When I was pregnant a woman working at Macy's assumed that I was going to be a single mom, even though I had a wedding ring and mentioned my husband several times. She said to me sternly "you have a very long and hard road ahead of you, being a single mom." It ticked me off because for one it was none of her business and she shouldn't care if I was a single mom and for two I was married. I can't imagine how I would have felt if I WAS a single mom- rude.

I get defensive when judgment comes up, too

Nix55

@nykkolaughs‌, aren't you worried about the kernels that don't pop all the way or the casings that get stuck in your throat sometimes? I don't think your child will die, but it can be an uncomfortable snack for an adult sometimes let alone a LO. At least I know to spit out the uncooked ones or how to clear my throat.

Lizzybizzy80

I feel judged by some of the posts in the companion thread, does that count?

So help me if I ate anything mildly spicy in front of my mom while I was pregnant or breastfeeding.

WasNotWas

I love you @Lizzybizzy80‌

Lizzybizzy80

@wasnotwas love you too, hot stuff!

WasNotWas

...detailing thread... @nykkolaughs‌ my transformation into you is almost complete! I got super cool glasses

ilovemarfa

BunnyLove416

Monkeybutt80 said:

@sympkin it's a beautiful name! when I first learned what your lo's name was I even told my husband about it because I liked it so much. 

Me too! It's my favorite girl name I've seen yet.

Nix55

@nykkolaughs‌ If you're breaking it up, then NBD. I was just envisioning Ella chomping on a handful of popcorn.