I hope we get this worked out too. I do feel like they don't really want us there right now. I am going to see if I can bring my mother with us to help babysit but that might not work due to the cost of four plane tickets, a hotel room, rental car, tux for my husband and all of the other expenses that go along with travel. It is upsetting to me because I have always thought of my bother in-law like a brother and they are making it very difficult for me to particapte in their day.
Also as a note when my husband and I planned our wedding we took into account his school schedule so he could attend as he was in college at the time.
I wouldn't be upset because they picked my kid's birthday, and I wouldn't be upset they said no children. I just hope they wouldn't be upset at me for not going.
As far as I'm concerned his 1st bday doesn't mean a whole lot to him, and having the party a different day is no big, however I will definitely want to spend that day with LO, because it is the anniversary of the most important day of my life. I want to celebrate all of the changes and joy that this sweet little boy brought into my life.
And it just seems like a dick move to have a child free wedding out of state on that day. Getting married doesn't mean you should impose upon your loved ones - the whole point is to have them celebrate with you, and to do the same for them.
Sometimes people do not understand the importance of a child's first birthday until they have children of their own. I doubt your BIL was trying to be jerky when they picked this date (is this date significant to them? or the only day they could get the venue perhaps?). I would however sit down with BIL and explain the importance of being with your baby for the first birthday and ask if they would make an exception to the no children rule for immediate family. Chances are if you explain your reasoning to BIL (and perhaps for good measure throw in how very special it would be for little one to celebrate their first birthday with their beloved aunty and uncle ) they may make an exception. When I was married we had a no children rule as well but made an exception for family attending from out of province. Regardless I could not miss my sisters wedding. As upset as I would be about missing my sons birthday he will have many more. I only have one sister and she will only have this one special day.
Re: In-law vent.
Also as a note when my husband and I planned our wedding we took into account his school schedule so he could attend as he was in college at the time.
And it just seems like a dick move to have a child free wedding out of state on that day. Getting married doesn't mean you should impose upon your loved ones - the whole point is to have them celebrate with you, and to do the same for them.