This Really Gets Easier?!?

MommyWannaB10

Omg, the last week has been heck! Mostly the nights. They go down at 8:30, up at 10:30, back up at 12, fuss at 1, back up at 2:30, fuss at 3, up at 5:45. (Girls are 10 wks, 4 adjusted). Ugh!!! I have cried so much in the last week it's ridiculous. And DH is less than helpful. He has a morning paper route and he gets up around 4. He thinks this gives him a free pass from night feelings. Sure, I feel bad he gets up so early & then has to go to work, but being home all day is no cake walk either. Sure, I can try to nap, but I fall asleep and then one girl wakes up 10 minutes later followed by the other one. DH causes me a lot of anger and sadness. Sometimes I wonder if our marriage can handle it, this morning I fell back to sleep on the couch and then he started the blender to make his breakfast shake....really, thanks! He didn't even think twice about it, no sorry, no I love you before he left for work, nothing. I keep telling myself it'll get easier, but it's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My girls though are 100% worth it when they get those sleepy smiles and just stare at you. Just had to vent I guess

PGwithNo3

These are the hard days!  Vent away here, that's what we are for.  It will get better.  Your girls are so little at this point.  This is just the survival phase.

What helped us was sleeping in shifts.  Maybe you could go to bed at 7 and sleep until 11 and then your DH could sleep 11-4?  Or, if he really can't do you have anyone who could help you with an evening shift?

Hang in there!

mrs.peeps

Hang in there!!  It does get easier, I promise!  The babies will start to sleep in longer stretches and you will feel like a new woman when you get 3hrs of sleep in a row!  

As for DH, well the first 3 months after my first set were born were the absolute hardest on my marriage.  It was a very hard adjustment and those first 3 months were brutal.  But at 3 months we hit a turning point.  The girls started to sleep through the night so both DH and I were also getting a full night sleep which helped a lot.  We started doing date night twice a month and that helped us a lot too.  Hang in there--I hope it gets better for you both soon.  

Jenn06L80

My girls are getting close to 4 months now. In the past 4-6 weeks they really started to sleep through the night. It does get easier when you are getting more consistent sleep.

As for your DH, mine was the same. He was really overwhelmed and just couldn't handle anything. And he wasn't working either. I ended up going to my parents for my maternity leave for help with the girls. My DH started an antidepressant and therapy. Recently we started couples therapy as well. We are in a much better place now.

Hang in there and feel free to vent anytime!

zazu13

Sleep is the magic ticket. I agree that when you get some and your babies sleep longer stretches it is SOooo much better. Can anyone come help you? Day or night help so you can get a few hours if uninterrupted sleep? My church organized helpers for me every day for a month. Someone would come for 2 hours and i would sleep. You dh needs sleep too, but he doesnt get a free pass on helping. We did shifts and it worked ok. We did struggle though. At 12 weeks (7 adj) my girls started sleeping 6 hour stretches and its gotten even better since. Now at 20w they sleeep 8-5:00 and DH and i are getting along much better. Hang in there!

KDR1979

Sleep is so important and we just started getting DD to STTN consistently after a sleep study and starting daily liquid iron. Everything will make you irritable when you haven't gotten enough sleep.

DH and I took shifts. I would sleep 10p-2am upstairs in our bedroom with the door closed. Those were my 4 hours and I was not to be interrupted. I would come down and we both did a feeding, he went to bed and I pumped and tried to sleep small increments on the couch (what he did while I was in bed 10-2). He would sleep 3-7am and then go to work all day. I didn't have much help and was alone most of the time (with 36 weekers that wouldn't latch, so I had to bottle feed them and pump). We fed them individually for the first ~3 months which made feedings take even longer (+ a bottle of breastmilk followed by a 2nd bottle of formula), but around 3 months, we started feeding them at the same time (1 parent could feed both babies). Prior to that, we were trying to get them to nurse at most feedings, so were trying to bottle feed them the way the LC instructed so they would hopefully switch to nursing at some point.

We would put them in bouncer seats that sat up higher than the average bouncer to feed 2 babies at once

. Once they would sleep ~5-6 hours overnight, DH and I went back to sleeping in our bed together (they were probably around 4-5 months then). I remember that we would sleep ~12-5am when the babies would sleep 11-5am (spent an hour cleaning up and running dishwasher).

Even now, DH lets me sleep in on Saturdays and he sleeps in on Sundays. You definitely have to take turns and try to let each other get sleep!

If I had known how hard it was going to be while I was pregnant, I would have interviewed night nurses to help us! Once you're in the middle of the newborn twin madness, you don't have time to interview anyone!!

Good luck and know that it REALLY does get easier! My twins are now 27 months old, they feed themselves real food, can play independently for a little while in the playroom, DS has slept 10-12 hours/night since he was 8 months old. DD is starting to sleep 10-10.5hrs/night-FINALLY! It also took us a long time to get a consistent nap schedule-maybe when they were 8-9 months old. Now, they nap 2-4pm and go to bed at 8:30pm (wake up at 6-8am)!!

 

MommyWannaB10

Thanks ladies! I know it will get better. They were sleeping 5-6 hours straight and then they went back to this up every hour thing. Last night they did 4 hours, so maybe they'll get back on track. I'm hoping so anyway because I go back to work in a week and a half

twins4kim

I know it's hard and you really have to have a talk with your dh. We just put humidifiers in the girls rooms with a sleepy time inhalant in it and they have been sleeping so much better. I think it just relaxes them a bit more. But it is winter here in Australia not sure where you are and if it would make the room to hot but I would give it a try. Good luck your doing great! And they are for sure worth it!

CNYBride05

@twins4kim‌, what is this sleepy inhalant you speak of!? OP, it gets easier and I'm still only getting 2 hr increments of sleep. Your body adjusts, babies become more interactive and alert, it just takes some time. Hang in there and def consider couples therapy if you can find time for it

SWA80

It is so hard but does get so much easier. Six months was a huge turning point for us. It has been very hard on my marriage as well.

spin25

I work full time and DH stays at home with the twins. We each get half of the nighttime wakeups. He has to be able to function and take care of them when I'm at work, so he needs sleep too. I agree with a PP, discuss this with your H if you haven't already. He's not being fair to you.

KatieGummow

Xoxoxox

Bigboneded

((((Hugs)))) Im not there yet, so cant give any real advice, but I am hoping it gets easier for when I do get there :-)

LittleLady77

I barley even remember the first 6 weeks. I'm glad I took lots of pictures. It gets so much easier once they sleep.

CaliCarly77

I hope things are already getting better. I think around the 10 week mark was when I was really hitting a wall and wanted to just leave. DH was oot for work and being alone with babies that aren't sttn yet was effing brutal. Then they finally did and it changed our lives. Now, sure, I wish DH would take on a bit more to help around the house but at least it is at about the same level as it was before babies lol. 

Wishing35

It does get easier! Right now don't forget your hormones are all over the place and you are sleep deprived. Crying and being emotional is totally normal, although if it's really bad tell
Your doctor. If you ask me being home all day is way harder then being at work when they are so little! You need help and breaks, talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. I'm sure he is overwhelmed too. Is there anyone who can come give you a break? I had a niece come once a week for a couple hours and I was able to have a nice long shower, or nap etc and that made a world of difference! Sometimes even a 10 minute break of peace and quiet can make a huge difference in how you feel. It does get better I promise, we have all been there and you will see in a few months you will be giving advice to someone else feeling the way you do now.

greks84

Shew! Hang in there! Can mom and MIL or a friend come help for a few nights so you can catch up on sleep?