sedentary husband, negative imapact on family life

springbreak3003

I have a 3 yo and am 4.5 moths along with baby #2. I really need my rest because I'm expecting and need the energy to chase after my DD all day. I would sleep much better if it weren't for my husband tossing and turning all night and frequently getting up. I believe the problem would be better if he exercised. He blames his sleep problems on stress at work, but I told him that exercise is one of the best ways to reduce stress. His response is "yeah I know", but he does nothing about it.

I've tried to get him to exercise in the past, but it was no use. I hoped that maybe our toddler and DD-to-be would motivate him to get in shape. However, his problem is no now affecting me directly (he's not fat, but is tired all the time). I wish he would listen. Also, he knows I am speaking from experience. I have had stress problems myself and have addressed them through exercise. For the past five or so years I have done yoga 3 - 4 times a week, and, while pregnant, do yoga at least twice a week.

What can I do to get him to get in better shape? I feel like he is in denial about his condition. He has seen this problem in his family and still can't get motivated.

Both his parents were overweight and sedentary for a long time. His Dad finally lost weight and became active about 10 years ago. However, his Mom continues to gain weight and remain sedentary. The contrast in their health and energy levels is amazing. My husband often mentions this and even encourages his mother to be more active. He privately complains to me that he wishes his mother would be more active so she could better interact with our DD. Right now, she is rarely able to watch our DD, or participate in any family activities, because of her aches and pains and general "tiredness".

How do I keep him from following this pattern?  

Ceridwen21

Yep, I agree with the PP.  He is an adult and knows what he needs to do, and you can't convince him to do it.  He needs to come to the realization on his own, and he will change when he is ready.  In the meantime, plan active family activities.

springbreak3003

His lifestyle choices are having a negative impact on our family life. If I'm a jerk for motivating him to go to the gym, then oh well. If the situation was reversed, I would hope that my husband would be honest with me about his concerns. There's a difference between "hey, I noticed you are having problems, exercise can help, I love you and I want the best for you" and "hey, fatty, get to the gym". What am i supposed to do, quietly resent him as he slips slowly into increasing inactivity? FYI, yes I agree, family physical activity is the best solution, and we do take lots of walks together. However, it's clear he needs to do more.

aglenn

Sounds like you have said enough and need to let it go.  He's aware of how you feel about the issue and repeating yourself won't help.  He has to do it for himself, on his own timeline. 

If sleep is the problem (and I hear you on that, my DH is a restless/short sleeper and it drives me insane) try a king size bed.  If you have to, sleep in another room.  Nagging him about working out is not a solution and may backfire by making him want to do it even less because he is annoyed.

shannm

Was he ever different before you were married? You can't change people. Continue to take care of yourself, be positive, set a postive example, and love him unconditionally. If you can't do that, it is not a healthy marriage.

sugarbear0524

I'm going to take a different angle on this. He could have sleep apnea. My husband has it,and the tossing and turning, snoring, and getting up frequently were definitely having an impact on him physically. He was exhausted all the time. Enter the sleep apnea diagnosis and C-pap. It's made a huge difference.

zeptattoo

I'm not touching the workout aspect of this, but the sleep thing I can relate to.  He should see a doctor to get to the root of the sleep issues.  If he refuses, then sleep in another room until he does something about it.  My DH tosses, sleep walks, etc. and when it is really bad, I sleep in the guest room until he is back to normal.

ASmallWonder

The biggest issue here is that you're trying to fix a self diagnosis. He doesn't sleep well. That doesn't mean his stress is causing that and it doesn't mean lack of exercise is causing his stress or that it could help. I don't exercise and I have energy but when I sleep I sleep hard. You can't know how to fix problem that isn't identified.